Working Through the Mar
by elbeewoods
Summary: AU- Prequel to The Unmarred Soul. Picks up a couple of months after Season 5. With the possibility of Tara going to jail, how far is Jax willing to go to keep Tara from serving time? Will Jax be able to get his club legit and keep his family together? Will SAMCRO be happy legit or revert back to their old ways? Jax's past has come back trying to ruin all that he has accomplished.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.

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**AN:** Thank you Emmie Elliott for all your help and everything you do. I couldn't have done this without you.

A heartfelt thanks McIlwain for your continued support.

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Rated **MATURE** for a reason: **language** and **sex**.

**WARNING- SEXUAL CONTENT**

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.

**Part I - LIES**

.

_LIES_

_._

_The whole world is full of lies,_

_you can't helping telling some, and __you can't help believing some._

_You can lie to yourself,_

_but you know the truth._

.

.

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Rounding the corner as Jax gets closer it warms his heart to see the yellow glow coming through the windows of the little blue house up ahead. The anticipation of what's awaiting for him on the other side of those windows makes Jax want to hit the throttle harder to get there faster. Jax has missed not being able to see his family this week.

This past week has been a long ass week for Jax, having to entertain every President and Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy's west coast charters. They came to Charming to discuss and look at SAMCRO's new legit businesses and how they run. It's the first meeting SAMCRO has ever had of this nature and to say it has been different is an understatement. SAMCRO wondered what their visitors would think about the lack of scantily clad women and hard partying SAMCRO has notoriously been known for in the past. Most of the Presidents and Vice Presidents, who have old ladies and families at home seemed to enjoy the new laid back atmosphere around the new SAMCRO clubhouse. If hard partying is what they wanted all they had to do was go up to Diosa and the escorts, or the Cavern where the crow eaters and sweet butts flocked as soon as they heard there was fresh SOA meat in town. There was plenty of scantily clad women and partying going on to satisfy their every need.

Laughs and giggles emanating from within his home hit Jax as soon as he opens the door. Due to club obligations Jax hasn't been able to be home before his boys went to bed this week and he missed them terribly. He has missed their hugs, kisses, and laughter ring through the house. He just fucking missed them, that's all there is to it.

Every night Jax would stand at the bedroom doorway and watch Tara sleep. The light would shine through the cracked bathroom door and illuminate her peaceful face. Slipping into bed Jax pulled her closer to him and she would lay her head on his chest and snuggle into his side like she has always done.

As soon as the door shut Abel and Thomas' heads whip around. Their eyes get big and they run full force- one runs while the other waddles as fast as they can right for their daddy.

"Daddy!"

"Daee!"

Jax bends down as they run into his awaiting arms. He lifts his sons up one in each arm giving each one a kiss on their cheeks as Thomas sits on Jax's arm bouncing up and down, clapping his little hands excitedly happy to see his daddy. Abel wraps his little arms around Jax's neck and kisses Jax's cheek. There is nothing more humbling than the unconditional love of a child. Abel and Thomas don't care if Jax is the President of a motorcycle club. They don't care what he can do for them or what they can do for him. All they care about is he's Daddy, just plain and simple Daddy- their hero. It's that unwavering faith his sons have in him that makes Jax strive to do better- to be the person they think he is. They're one of the reasons Jax has worked so hard making the club legit, Tara is the other. "I missed you boys."

Abel smiles at Jax. "We missed you, Daddy."

"What have you been doing?" Jax asks his sons as he holds them close to his chest loving the fresh smell of lotion and baby powder.

Abel answers. "Watching TV and playing waiting for Mommy." Thomas nods his little head and throws his chubby little arms around Jax's neck holding on tight while giving Jax a big wet sloppy kiss on Jax's cheek. Thomas missed his daddy too.

Jax looks at Thomas and kisses Thomas on top of his head. "Thank you buddy, where's Mommy?"

Abel points back towards Jax's bedroom. Thomas nods and points in the same direction.

Jax sets the boys back down so they can go back to watching cartoons and playing. Jax gives each one a kiss on the top of their heads then he heads off to his bedroom.

Tara has been in and out of the clubhouse this week making brief periodic appearances checking to make sure everything was running smoothly for Jax's meetings. Tara had Opie's Diner cater the food for the men and she made sure their lodging quarters had everything that was needed and anything else requiring her attention. The club- Tara- hired a cleaning crew to come in and clean the clubhouse, dorms and guest quarters when she took over as SAMCRO's Queen. Tara eliminated the need for crow eaters hanging around doing 'chores' around the clubhouse and living quarters. Tara isn't Gemma and Tara doesn't feel the need to be hanging around the club every second waiting to swoop in at any minute to stick her nose in something where it doesn't belong and for that, Jax is forever grateful. Jax was always busy in meetings when Tara would stop in at the clubhouse and Jax didn't have a chance to see her and he'll admit he was disappointed and missed her.

Walking into their bedroom the first thing Jax does is open the hidden lock box where they keep their weapons locked up and, out of the reach of his nosey little boys. You never know when Abel will be looking for a knife to cut his sandwich or some shit then cut off a finger instead. Jax can't take the chance of something happening to either one of his boys. After locking his Glock and Ka-Bar inside Jax commences to the bathroom getting ready to speak, instead, stops dead in his tracks and snaps his mouth shut as a small smile forms on his lips and his blue eyes sparkle. Jax moans as he watches his wife step out of the shower with clear liquid beads of water dripping down her body and all Jax wants to do is take his tongue and lick off each bead on her curvaceous body. But, then, the worst thing that could happen- happens. Tara wraps herself in a small towel. Jax has just developed a hatred for the small rectangular white piece of terry cloth wrapped around Tara's body- he wishes it was him. He looks up to see his wife's smiling face. Jax realizes she's been watching him ogle her. Tara crosses the room walking up to him. She shyly says, "Hey."

Wrapping Tara in his arms, the aroma of her sweet pea body wash engulfs his senses. Jax hovers, his mouth over Tara's sweet lips before he dips down to taste their sweet nectar. They both moan as the familiar fire ignites through their bodies. Jax pulls Tara close to him wanting her to feel his need and desire for her. It's been a week- a long ass week and they both need each other. Jax's tongue parts her lips and Tara offers what he's seeking and their tongues slowly entwine.

Finally, Tara comes up for air. Breathlessly she gasps. "Jax... the boys... we can't not now."

Jax's head stops swimming from the blissful state it was in back to reality. He brings his forehead to hers. "Then when? I've missed you. Have they eaten yet?"

Tara nods, as she plays with the buttons on Jax's shirt. "Yes, we've eaten and they've had their baths now they're just watching TV waiting for me to read to them. After I dry my hair and dress I'll read them their story and put them to bed." Tara looks up into Jax's eyes. "Then I'm all yours for the rest of the night."

Jax smirks down at Tara tilting her chin up with the crook of his forefinger to look in her eyes. "Okay. I'm going to go spend some time with our boys. We'll be waiting for you when you're finished." Jax gives Tara a quick kiss and a pat on the ass before going to spend some time with his boys.

When Tara finishes drying her hair she changes into a SAMCRO t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She walks into the living room to find Jax sitting on the couch reading to the boys with Abel on one side of him and Thomas on the other side leaning against Jax's side fast asleep.

Tara stops in the doorway smiling and laughing looking at her boys, all three of them where they belong. She walks over and carefully picks Thomas up trying not to wake him and takes him back to his room putting him to bed. Jax smiles at her while continuing to read to Abel whose eyelids are slowly drooping more and more as Jax reads about the little boy and his best friend the fire breathing dragon. When Jax finishes the story and closes the book Abel is sound asleep. Jax carefully stands and takes a sleeping Abel back to his room to put Abel in his bed. Tara walks in and kisses Abel good night as Jax lays him down.

Jax and Tara leave Abel's room quietly together. When they get in the hall Tara heads into the living room as Jax stops off in the kitchen to get him a beer. As he heads out of the kitchen his phone rings. "Yeah," Jax looks at Tara with a strange look she has never seen before, Jax hasn't taken his eyes off of her. Then he turns his back to her before he hangs up. "Alright thanks."

"Who was that, Jax?"

Jax closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose taking deep breaths bracing himself as he turns around to face Tara. Looking directly into Tara's green eyes Jax knows this is his fault, his and his club's. "Roosevelt. He said they are in the process of issuing a warrant for your arrest- conspiracy to commit murder in the death of the prison nurse."

Tara lets out a gasp. What Tara has feared for months has finally happened. This can't be happening. Is it really happening? My life is over. It's ruined. I've lost everything I worked so hard to obtain but most of all I've lost my boys. My boys, my sweet innocent boys what will happen to them now? Who will raise them? How will I live without them? Oh god, no.

Jax's eyes tear up as he watches the heartbreaking expressions on his wife's face as she breaks down everything that's happening in her mind. The guilt Jax feels in the pit of his stomach is like none other he's ever felt before. It's stronger than the guilt he carried when Abel was born. His wife has sacrificed everything because she loves him and their boys. Tara was trying to get her family out of Charming to a place where they would be safe. She didn't do this for the club. It was never about the club. It was all about Tara's love for her family.

Closing the distance between them Jax feels Tara's body tremble when Jax engulfs her in his arms. Drawing Tara firm against his chest, holding her heart over his, Jax wills Tara the strength to get through whatever lies ahead. "Eli told me to call Lowen. He said it will be a couple of hours before the warrant comes through."

Everyone has been walking around on eggshells for months hoping this wouldn't become a reality. Jax has been behind those barred doors before and knows what goes on behind them. Jax can't fathom his sweet precious wife being locked up because of him and the club. "Tara. Look at me." When Tara's tear filled green eyes look up at Jax he automatically wipes the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs. Laying his hand against her cheek Tara leans into his hand and closes her eyes. "We're going to get through this, babe." Jax's thumb gently strokes Tara's cheek lying in his hand. "I will do everything and anything to get you cleared of these charges. Even if it means I have to blow up the damn jail to get you out." Tara looks up at Jax and gives him a slight, soft smile.

"I love you, Tara, and everything is going to work out I promise you baby. I've loved you since we were kids and I still love you. You're in my blood. You're it for me babe, you always have been. You're the only woman I've ever loved and that's not going to change. You know how strong my love is for you, don't you?

Tara looks into Jax's blue eyes seeing the truth in them. The truth of everything he's said. "Yes, Jax, I know."

"We are going to get you home as soon as possible, where you belong."

Suddenly Tara looks exhausted. "I know. I'm going to go drown myself in the shower before Lowen gets here."

"I'll call Lowen then I will be there in a minute." Jax calls after Tara as she walks down the hall to take another shower to let the shower drown out her heartbreaking sobs and wash her tears away.

Back through the years there were so many times I wish I'd gone away with Tara when she left for school. I wish I'd gotten the hell out of Charming. I've been wishing that a lot more lately. I'm not stupid I could have gotten into college if I hadn't of dropped out of school my senior year. Again that was due to the club, or Clay and Gemma. I couldn't keep burning the candle at both ends and Gemma and Clay were increasingly making it more difficult for me to stay in school. Looking back now I realize it was just more of my mother's manipulations, more of Gemma trying to control me. Gemma thought she had to box me in to keep me.

Jax shakes his head. If JT hadn't been killed I would have gone on to college, JT would have seen to it. JT didn't want this to be my life. He didn't want this for me and my family's future. But here I am and this is my life and my family's suffering because of it. All the bad things Tara predicted back before Abel was kidnapped wouldn't have come true and she wouldn't have had all these ghastly things happen to her if I had just left with her when she left for school.

Jax calls Lowen and she informs Jax. "Eli has called me already about the charges. They're having problems at county- no one in and no one out. Tara's going to be held in Charming, at least for a week and probably two if bail can't be made or if it hasn't been set yet. They don't have the proper paperwork to process her yet so there isn't any hurry. Take your time and talk to her and try to settle her nerves. I have some things I need to check on first then I'll be over at your house in about three hours."

The running shower down the hall does nothing to drown out Tara's heart wrenching sobs. Entering the bathroom Jax immediately sheds his clothes and steps into the shower. Tara turns towards Jax and snuggles in his arms laying her head on his 'Abel' tattoo; over his heart. Jax asks her. "Do you hear that? You're in there, in my heart, and you are not leaving, so don't think you are."

Grabbing the body wash and pouring some in his hand Jax is determined to take Tara's mind off this quagmire ahead of them, at least for a little while. Turning Tara around so her back is facing him Jax kisses her neck as he works his way up to her ear lightly sucking on the lobe as he washing Tara's shoulders. Kissing Tara's neck Jax washes his way down her back, stopping to use his fingertips to trace the crow nesting on her lower back. Jax bends down and kisses his crow that has adorned her back marking her as his since they were teenagers.

Reaching around Jax runs his soap filled hands on Tara's stomach working his way up to her breasts kneading and caressing them with the palms of his rough weathered hands. Jax moans squeezing and rolling her erect nipples between his thumb and forefinger until they're rigid peaks. Jax kisses Tara's cheek as his hands roam down her body causing Tara to shiver.

Goose bumps on her skin, Tara moans when Jax moves his hands across her chest ravishing her body, he can't get enough. Jax growls in her ear. "You drive me fucking crazy, Tara, all I want is you." Moving his hand farther down to rub her clit Tara slightly steps her feet apart encouraging Jax's hands lower. Jax slides one finger into her wetness and then two. Slowly Jax pumps his fingers into her wet core, in and out, in and out. Tara wants more she moans louder Jax pumps faster, his free hand kneading her breast, pinching her nipples as Tara leans her head back on his shoulder letting the sensation take over.

"Oh god, Jax, that feels so good." Jax smirks and moves his hands away. "What the hell did you do that for?" Tara snaps.

Jax laughs. "Come here, babe." Jax turns Tara around facing him taking her lips in his kissing her passionately sliding his tongue in her mouth to tangle with his as his hands wash over her, touching her, feeling her Jax can't get enough. Caressing Tara's breasts Jax bends down taking a nipple flicking it with his tongue taunting her nipple nipping it softly into a rigid peak taking in his mouth Jax sucks lightly. He turns his attention to the other one doing the same thing as he continues to roam Tara's body with his hands making sure to touch every inch of her.

Jax carefully moves Tara back against the cool shower wall. He kisses Tara's neck, sucking her flesh between his teeth leaving a dark purple mark; marking her as his. Gently nipping and sucking on her earlobe driving her crazy Tara can't stand it any longer she wants him in her now. Tara takes his dick in her hand stroking him, running her fingers lightly around the head then pumping him hard Jax groans loudly against her neck. He lifts her leg wrapping it around his waist. Jax pulls himself away from Tara's hand rubbing the head of his dick around her clit making her squirm. Jax smirks down at her looking in Tara's beautiful eyes Jax slowly enters her. Feeling her moist warmth and tightness wrapped around him is almost too much for him. His eyes roll back in his head, this is a feeling Jax doesn't ever want to be without. Slowly thrusting deeper in her sucking and biting on the crook of her neck causing Tara to moan, "Jaaax."

Jax's pace picks up, he plunges harder and harder, thrusts deeper and deeper never hard or deep enough. Pinned to the shower wall Tara's fingernails on one hand dig into Jax's shoulder, the other hand trying to hold on to the wall. Tara whimpers clenching her muscles tightly around Jax's dick as the walls of tension snap and begin to crumble as her orgasm rips through her body. "Damn Tara... damn." Their orgasms have them falling and crashing wave after wave together with a loud groan, shivers run up Jax's spine as he releases in her, holding her tight.

Arms and bodies wrapped around each other neither one wanting to let go of the other Jax leans down kissing the top of Tara's head resting on his chest. "I love you babe." Jax doesn't want his wife going away with any doubts of his love and commitment to her. Now is not the time for Tara to be worry about their relationship. Jax knows, he has been there, and when your mind isn't focused you worry about everything and anything, you get careless and careless gets you hurt, even killed. It rips Jax's heart out to have to be worrying about these things pertaining to his wife. When Jax finds who has done this to his Tara, he will rip their goddamn head off.

Jax carries Tara's pliant body to the bedroom gently laying her down on the bed and lies down beside Tara taking her in his arms holding her close. Tara can barely open her eyes but she manages a small smile for Jax. Knocked out in his arms Jax can't help but laugh watching his old lady sleep.

Have letting Tara sleep for thirty minutes Jax hates to wake her knowing she won't get much sleep after this but time is running out and Jax needs to make love to his wife again. Shifting her in his arms a smile comes to Jax's lips.

Slowly Jax kisses down Tara's neck working his way to his spot, the spot he nuzzles in when he releases himself in her. This is his spot and only his- the crook of her neck belongs to him. Tara sighs when Jax lightly kisses Tara's face and then her lips then randomly down her body and back up again. The light kisses turn into light bites along her body. The bites turn into Jax sucking and marking Tara's body as his. Through her sleepy haze Tara smiles at Jax.

Jax pulls Tara closer and tighter to his chest not ever wanting to let go of her. "Baby, I know you are scared, hell I'm scared for you. I am going to move heaven, earth and hell to get you out of this. I'll take care of our boys just as you would. It won't be the same but I am going to try my best. I won't let anything happen to them and I'm not going to let them out of my sight. I need for you to trust me."

Kissing Tara gently, Jax's kisses deepen. He runs his tongue along the outline of her bottom lip before taking it teasingly between his teeth giving it a slight tug. Jax let go of Tara's lip and flicks his tongue between them wanting to be let in, Tara slowly grants him entrance and their tongues dance together. Jax runs his hands over Tara's body he wants to touch every part of her and ingrain her in his mind. Jax cups Tara's breast, taking her pert velvety nipple in between his thumb and forefinger twisting it between his fingers. Jax breaks away from their kiss lifting Tara's hair off her neck gently nipping at her neck as Tara giggles, Jax's nips turn into sucks and the giggles turn into a moan, Jax laughs, moving down to her body to her breast flicking her nipple with his tongue making the peak hard before sucking it gently.

Jax rolls Tara on her back sucking her nipple harder twirling it around in his mouth catching it between his teeth giving it a slight tug he sucked the tortured peak. Tara arches her back towards Jax groaning begging him to suck harder Jax smiles. "I love your tits the way they feel in my mouth and hands." Jax tweaks Tara's other hard nipple moving his mouth over he captures it with his lips.

Rubbing his hard cock against Tara's leg wanting her to feel how hard she makes him. Tara slides her leg in between his legs rubbing up and down on his crotch. "See what you do to me babe, you drive me fucking insane I have to have you, I need you." Jax whispers as he lowers his mouth back to her breast bringing flesh up between his teeth sucking hard until a purple bruise appears.

Jax moves between Tara's legs bringing her knees up kissing each one as he does. Jax maneuvers his tongue from her knees to the top of her thighs continuing up to her hips, stopping there to suck on her ticklish spot. Jax moves his mouth down, teasing Tara's clit when he lightly rolls it around with his tongue. Applying more pressure with his tongue Jax can feel her clit swell. Dipping his tongue inside her, he has to taste her; taste them. "You taste so fucking good Tara." Tara writhes under Jax's mouth tangling her fingers in Jax's hair trying to hold his mouth over her, trying to get him closer. Jax laughs, prying Tara's fingers out of his hair. "No babe, not yet." Jax leans over Tara closing his mouth over hers, mingling their tongues together letting her taste their juices.

Tara's eyes are filled with lust as Jax runs his fingers through her long thick hair gently pulling her head back by her hair. He nips and sucks on her earlobe when she moans, he attacks her neck kissing, biting, licking and sucking his way down to the crook of her neck. Jax knows this drives Tara crazy. Tara moans as Jax's hands explore her body, roaming to her breast, he licks her nipples relishing her in the taste of her he has Tara's twisting under him.

Jax slowly enters Tara enjoying the wet warmth wrapped around him it almost takes his breath away. Jax gains his senses and slowly starts to move inside her enjoying the feel of her. Moving faster Tara wraps her legs around his waist locking her ankles together.

Wrapping his arms up under Tara's back, Jax hooks his hands on to her shoulders. Jax moves stroke after stroke trying to stay in control with his face in the crook of Tara's neck kissing it. Tara is hot, wet and ready; she wants to release her pent up anguish. Jax has no control of his body. Something has taken over Jax and all he can do is hold on. He feels himself getting close. Jax is trying to hold out for Tara, he wants her to cum and cum hard. Jax wants Tara to be able to enjoy it as long as she can. Jax's lips are close her ear. "Tara I love you," Jax's hot breath sends chills through her body causing Tara to clench tight around his dick. She can feel his dick swell. Tara's walls start quaking, Jax feels the familiar tingling from his toes to his spine, Jax can't hold it any longer.

Jax's hips start thrashing chasing Tara's orgasm as her body jerks convulsively against him, screaming breathlessly. "Jax," then something that sounded like a primitive mating call escapes her lips.

Holding on tight pumping in Tara harder chasing his orgasm of pleasure, he groans while filling her but his body starts bucking harder "FUCK... TARA..." he bucks harder pulling her up tighter to him. He knows he has to be hurting her but there isn't anything he can do. Jax starts hunching her, getting that tingling feeling again. Jax is at Tara's mercy his hips snap he can't get enough of her. Jax drills in Tara hard and desperate wanting more, deeper and deeper "cum for me Tara..." It almost sounds like a plea. Tara tightens her legs around his hips causing a tidal wave of pleasure to run through her. Tara whimpers as her body starts shaking clenching her inner walls tight and around his dick holding on tight as he painfully "Awww" spills in her again. Jax can't speak, can't form any coherent thoughts. His hips slowly stop jerking.

This has only happened to him once before, when he was a teenager, and only with Tara. Only Tara can do this to him.

Jax groans no longer able to hold himself up he melts into his wife's body clutching her, snuggling, and nuzzling in his favorite spot. Jax can feel their hearts beating simultaneously, two hearts beating as one.

Without any energy left in him, Jax can't move or speak they're gasping for air. Their minds are blank. Still buried deep inside Tara they drift off in complete exhaustion as Jax mumbles. "Jesus Christ."


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks ago, Jax sat at the head of the redwood table that bears the same emblem carved in it that Jax has etched into the skin on his back, with his lighter in his right hand rolling it end over on the table between his thumb and forefinger. The sound of metal on wood entered his ears over and over. For the past four hours Jax has been locked up in the dark room just him and the dust particles floating around the barely there sunlight peeking through the blinds. Jax sat in every seat around the table that has been his since he was first allowed through the chapel's heavy wooden double doors. All the years flashed through his mind like a derailed roller coaster, twisting and turning, spiraling out of control going faster and faster hurling through the air careening out of control before slamming into the side of a mountain. Then looking around at the carnage lying at his feet Jax sees familiar faces staring back at him. He stops and asks himself the one question that keeps rolling through his head-_ How did things get so fucked up?_

_It's been eleven months since I got out of prison- eleven fucking months. How did things get so wrong when I was trying to do right? How could I have been so blind? So arrogant that I couldn't see what was right in front of me? I shut out the woman I love more than anything. The woman I claimed I was doing all of this for but turned my back on when it came to taking care of our family._

_How could I do something as stupid as get Tara involved_ _with__ Otto and the RICO mess to begin with? I should be going to prison for the things I've done not Tara. How could I, her husband, let this happen to her? I lost my bearings after Opie died and went to a dark place I didn't know existed in me. I was so wound up in my own self-pity caused by the guilt I was carrying over Opie's death I mistakenly thought I was all alone, that no one else was hurting like I was. I completely ignored Tara's pain, she lost a best friend also. As long as Tara's in my life I'll never be alone. I was obsessed with making the ones who killed Opie pay I forgot my family. I forgot my boys and forgot my wife._

_After Opie was killed I became blood thirsty for vengeance. My thirst was never quenched and the thrill of the kill made it easier and easier with each death. I wanted the ones responsible for Opie's death to die like he did; bloody. I wasn't satisfied with beating the crooked guard to death_ _with the snow globe or when Chibs killed Randall Hightower- the inmate responsible for the final blow to Opie's head with the steel pipe. With each death there were complications- Tig killed the guard's wife, the inmate who beat Opie to death was a cousin of TO's the President of the Grim Bastards. I couldn't see through my blind rage that it would mean the end of a long lasting brotherhood with the Grim Bastards. I was losing myself to the monster within me. _

_Not only was I in a dark place Chibs and Tig were right there with me. Watching Opie die the brutal way he did fucked our heads up. We didn't know how to process what we'd seen except with more violence. Damon Pope loved toying with us. He pulled our strings making us do this and do that, manipulating us like we were his puppets and he was our puppet master. Killing Pope and getting clean- no more guns and muling_ _drugs- helped start the mending our club needed._

_We, the club and I, saw things differently when someone as sweet and innocent of any wrong doings as Tara, risks her freedom and her life, so the RICO charges against us were dropped. We decided things need to change. We have a new outlook on life now that all our dealings are legitimate._

_I fucked up by not taking my family and leaving as soon as I got out of prison giving Tara and the boys the life they deserve; a safe happy life. Tara was trying to make sure I could walk away from the club with her and our boys when I wouldn't do it myself. I chose my club over my family and now my family; Tara and the boys, are the ones who are suffering for my mistake._

_I never knew taking the gavel would destroy my family. I always dreamed when I was growing up of sitting at the head of the table like my father did. I idolized him and mistakenly thought if I had the gavel I would have a piece of him. I didn't realize I already have a piece of him that I carry every day in my heart._

_I'm not proud to admit, and it scares the hell out of me- the freedom and power I felt for being callous. The thrill of being a prospect and new member of SAMCRO for having control over someone's life, their destiny, was the biggest rush of all. _

_Tara she could see the darkness come over me and that's what scared her. She was afraid would lose the sweet sixteen year old boy she fell in love with. Tara had all the confidence in the world that I could live a life outside of SAMCRO that I was smart and could do anything I set my mind to. She saw me slipping away and couldn't stay here and watch it happen. That's why she tried so hard to get me to leave with her, to save me from myself. _

_The farther and farther I got in the club the more I did and I got wrapped up in all the glory of the guys acceptance, Clay's pride and my mother's too. If only I had known. When I made my first kill the noise stopped, I could hear nothing. I was scared and I needed the one thing that could heal the hurt and fright I was feeling. I went looking but I was too late she had been gone for two months and I hadn't noticed she was gone. What kind of boyfriend- old man- does that? Doesn't know his old lady is gone. I can't explain how I felt and that was the first night I took someone else into my bed, it wasn't the same, it never would be. Tara was gone._

_We weren't out of prison two weeks before Tara was almost abducted but they crushed her hand instead, Kosik was blown up, Piney was murdered, Opie shot Clay for murdering Piney, Tig went rogue thinking Laroy shot Clay, and went after Laroy killing his girlfriend instead, who just happened to be Damon Pope's daughter. In retaliation for Pope's daughter's death Tig's daughter Dawn was burnt alive and Opie was killed in prison._

_Clay killed them or is responsible for their deaths along with JT's and Lowell Harding Sr.'s deaths too. Clay also was the one who ordered Tig to kill Opie but accidentally killed Donna instead. Opie and his wife were both were killed by the club, or the president of the club, Opie swore his allegiance to leaving two children orphaned by the club. _

_Not to mention the cluster fuck Clay brought on with the three Nomad transfers and their home invasion bullshit that got an innocent woman killed. Who just happened to be the pregnant wife of a local Charming law enforcement officer. All a ploy of Clay's to take the gavel out of my hands and back in his._

_The cartel, Damon Pope and Clay almost destroyed the club, almost destroyed us all, but somehow we made it out alive; that's more than I can say for Pope and Clay. _

_When the club got word Clay was shanked and killed in prison after Eli Roosevelt and I set Clay up for the murder of Damon Pope, I laughed, I don't regret it... any of it. I can say I'm happy, ecstatic. Happy the man who killed my father, then ran the club my father built into the ground, only thinking of himself and not the brotherhood of the men who laid their lives down to protect him. The man, who turned against one of his own- killing my best friend's father, just so Clay could protect his own lies. Clay went behind the clubs back and ordered a hit on my best friend- but killed my best friend's innocent wife instead. But mostly, I'm happy because the man who tried to kill my wife, but mangled her hand in the process is dead. As long as I can tell my wife, the woman I love the most in the world, the man who terrorized her will never breathe again. The man she loathes, the man responsible for ending the career she spent endless hours and years studying and training to become the best in her field is gone, and she doesn't ever have to worry about him again. Clay, he ended it... he ended it all. I don't feel sorry Clay was found dead lying in a pool of his own blood on the cold concrete floor of a prison cell, with his stomach sliced open and his guts hanging out. I don't care how he died, just as long as he's dead. As long as I, never have to see Clay Morrow again. As long as Clay can't hurt anyone I love again. I don't care how Clay died or who killed him, just as long as the old bastards dead._

_Clay deserved to die when Opie shot him but the fucking cartel needed him alive to work with the Irish. Galen O'Shay, that Irish prick, wouldn't work with anyone but Clay. I don't know what his problem is, or why he hates me so much. If it wasn't for Galen Clay would've been dead months ago. I don't know what their deal was but Clay and Galen seemed to be more than 'business associates.' That's one thumb I'm glad we got out from under. _

_The club knew there had to be something we could do to save our club and ourselves. We spent hours locked in the chapel coming out for beer and food only to disappear back behind the doors for hours again. It was finally decided in order to get our club back together and have the true brotherhood that two best friends made the club on everyone started with a clean slate. Everyone._

_We stumbled a few times but we have finally got it right. SAMCRO has returned to its roots- we're a brotherhood again. There has been a slight shake up among the ranks of SAMCRO; Bobby stepped down as VP. After the Men of Mayhem vote against Clay Bobby felt he would serve best as being the secretary and treasurer of the club and leave the VP patch for someone else. After long discussions about the shift of ranks Bobby and I both agreed, Chibs would serve best as VP leaving the SAA patch open. Considering Tig's wild untamable past Bobby suggested and I agreed Happy's calm demeanor would make him the best candidate to fill the spot. There are no hard feelings between Bobby and I and we both agree if not being VP is what Bobby wants then that's the way it should be._

_Tara suggested in order to keep Chibs' mind in Charming and not in another country we should bring his family to the United States. Tara made all the arrangements to bring Fiona and Kerrianne over as a surprise gift to the new Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy Redwood Originals Motorcycle Club. There aren't any words to describe how happy and touched Chibs was. The tears in his eyes said it all. This gives Fiona, Kerrianne and Chibs the chance to be the family they were unable to be, because of the Irish prick Jimmy O'Phelan._

Jax snorted._ Happy accepted the SAA patch with the emotion we expected from him he nodded. "Yeah."_

_I'm still astonished how the club eased into legitimate businesses immediately after we cut ties with the CIA/ Galindo Cartel, the Irish, the Niners, the Chinese, and the Mayans. But I don't think I've ever been as dumbfounded as I was the day I got the call from Romeo saying "the August Marks situation has been handled." At first I wasn't sure what handled meant. Certainly not meaning SAMCRO isn't tyrannized by Marks any longer. SAMCRO is fortunate as hell Romeo was able to help us get out from August Marks' oppression. I don't know what Romeo did, or what Romeo had on Marks, or why Romeo even did it, but SAMCRO hasn't heard from Marks since and were told we never will. Everyone's ecstatic and relish being able to breathe without worrying if that was their last breath. _

_I just hope it doesn't mean we 'owe' Romeo anything. That he doesn't have something hanging over our head now. I don't feel like being CIA's bitch. I have enough on my plate right now than to be at their beck and call all the time._

_We had barely gotten free of Marks and a new hell has been brought down on us in the form of Lee Toric. The bereaved brother of Pamela Toric- the nurse Otto savagely killed in front of Tara by repeatedly stabbing her in the neck over and over again _with a cross_. _The thought of the horrifying act happening in front of his girl sends chills down Jax's spine and makes him want to cut Otto's heart out.__

_Toric might be the worse adversary SAMCRO has ever encountered. He makes Stahl look like Tinker Bell. Toric is a rogue ex-US Marshall who has sociopathic tendencies and known to go to extremes to get what he wants. Being an ex- Marshall seems to give him all the power he needs to stalk Tara and make his presence known around the club like the insane vigilante he is. _

_Right now Toric is the club's biggest threat. Toric's prepared to take down anyone and everyone affiliated with his sister's death. He seems to be everywhere all the time. I don't know how he does it but we all see him and it seems like it's all at the same time no matter where we are. He hasn't made a move yet but I feel like we're ducks in a shooting gallery just waiting for him to pick us off one by one. _

_I see Tara retreat more each day into that scared little girl she was when Kohn was terrorizing her when she first came back to Charming. I could have gone the rest of my life never seeing that look in her eyes again. I don't know how, but we need to get rid of this son of a bitch before something happens to either Tara or the club or both. _Something crosses Jax's mind... suddenly, he jumps up sending his chair blasting back smashing against the wall behind him. Furiously Jax grabs the edges of the redwood table shaking, looking _as though_ he's trying to break it with his bare hands, causing him to start breathing heavy._**Or my boys**, I'll rip that motherfuckers head off** if he touches my family**. _

_Jax gets his chair and calmly sits back_ _down. _ Jax shakes his head absentmindedly continuing to roll his lighter on the reaper table trying to get a hold of himself and settle down._ We haven't been through everything we have to lose now. We'll find some way to get this ex-Marshall off our backs and under control. if not then we will deal with it in a "club way."_

_ In addition to steering SAMCRO out of the illegal business to legal business we also wanted the public to see us in a different light altogether. We need the people of Charming to do business with us and in order to accomplish that they can't be afraid of us or our past dealings. SAMCRO needed a makeover. It's time the club got out of the 'peddling pussy business.' _Jax scoffs_, the club has a reputation to uphold now and mothers are reluctant in putting their 'babies' in SAMCRO's newly acquired preschool and daycare if they're owned by outlaws who also peddle pussy. Also these said mothers do business with our other and upcoming establishments so we decided it's time sell Diosa. So SAMCRO's selling Diosa to some of the guys in the club. Chibs and I both are bowing out. We have families to worry about and don't need or want our children to know we are connected to a whorehouse especially Chibs who has a teenage daughter. _

_Tara always hated Cara Cara. All the sluts hanging around all the time and I can't blame Tara I was getting pretty tired of their bullshit myself. Then I turned around and got SAMCRO in business with Nero owning Diosa. To say Tara wasn't happy with our new business venture is an understatement. Tara understood it's a legitimate business but didn't like it nevertheless. _

_After Nero's little gang- the Byz Lats pulled their stunt ambushing Chibs, Happy, Tig and I, when making the gun deal we had worked out with Nero to keep the Byz Lats away from Diosa. We 'convinced' Nero it would be in his best interest to sell us his share of Diosa for a 'reasonable price.' Now Nero's back with his little gang, and Gemma's standing beside him as his new Queen. _Jax scoffs again_, how things have changed. Now that the guys are buying Diosa from SAMCRO I won't lose any sleep over the deal. I'm ready to wash my hands of it and move on._

_The club has a nice bank roll built up from working with the cartel giving us the ability to start investing in legitimate businesses that will keep the club in the black and running smoothly. We built a new clubhouse and set the old clubhouse on fire, giving the old memories and secrets a final resting place amongst the smoldering rubble that was scraped up and hauled away with the rest of the trash. _

_Even though I grew up in the old clubhouse I hadn't expected the burning to affect me the way it did; it was like losing Opie, Thomas and my dad all over again. The place where Opie and I used to play hide and go seek when we were growing up and then let Tommy play when he was old enough to stop giggling and was well enough to play. It's where Piney taught us how to shoot pool. We learned how to ride our bicycles there, then how to work and ride on motorcycles, we became mechanics there. But the best memories I have of that old place are of Tara, when we were teens. My old apartment, up on the roof, the bar, everywhere these are my fondest memories. I don't remember any of the girls who stepped over my threshold the ten years Tara was gone I only remember Tara, past and present._

_When the club first started talking about building a new clubhouse we all agreed it should be built on land SAMCRO owns. JT built the first clubhouse on his property which I subsequently own now. With expanding Teller Automotive I need the land but most of all we don't know what SAMCRO will develop into therefore we felt it needed its own land plus the tax write off too._

_For the new clubhouse's privacy we bought the whole block on the street behind the old clubhouse. We tore down everything on the block which, were old run down houses, and built the new SAMCRO Headquarters which also houses our new clubhouse. _

_SAMCRO's patched members and Lyla have their own one or two bedroom apartments with a living room, kitchen and baths on the second floor. They are only accessible through the headquarters keeping the clubhouse parties- when we have one- with the half-dressed women away from our private living quarters; away from the children. _

_The third floor has dorms used by prospects and visiting charters traveling through Charming needing a place to stay. The only entrance to the dorms is through the clubhouse's barroom. _

_A few of the brothers live in their apartments and the rest of us use them for lockdowns and other various reasons. We still have lock downs. Our families' are more in danger of being kidnapped now that the club has a substantial amount of money compared to what they used to have. That's a downside of being successful business men._

Jax wistfully remembers. _The 'new and improved' club's first business we bought was the deserted old diner next door. When we were growing up Opie and I used to live at the old diner, especially during the summer. We ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and supper there so it only seemed fitting that we name it 'Opie's Diner.' I think he would get a kick out of it. At least he doesn't have a preschool named after him. I still want to wring Tara's neck for suggesting to the guys to name one of our new business ventures, a preschool- Prince Charming's. I know she meant it as a joke but I absolutely loathe it. The guys didn't and the club voted 6-1 in favor of the 'Prince Charming Preschool.' Bobby, Chibs, Happy, Juice, Phil and Tig all voted in favor and I was the only one who opposed. Being a democracy I lost and "Prince Charming's Preschool' was born. Who knew seven old outlaws could remodel an old rundown preschool, to a successful preschool with a waiting list? We figured we did so well with the preschool why not, start a daycare and 'Little Munchkins Daycare' came to life._

_Hale's business ventures fell through once the good people of Charming saw Hale's true colors and what he's capable of doing. It only seemed fitting to renovate and open Lumpy's old gym back up in honor of Lumpy Feldstein. Many of us used to work out at Lumpy's and the best way we knew of to honor him was open the gym that he loved so much back up._

_One day Juice was scanning for new business ideas and found an old abandon warehouse on the outskirts of town and 'Buck's'- a gun store and firing range was created. Apparently there aren't any legitimate places you can fire a gun in Charming and surrounding towns, so Buck's came to life. For the first time in decades SAMCRO- used to illegally run guns- is now legally selling firearms and provide a safe place where new buyers can legally learn how to shoot their newly purchased firearms. This is such a hit we made a profit the first month we were open. Something about buying and shooting your gun with an outlaw or at their place of business really sells. _

_I often wonder what my father would think of the club's turn around; no longer running guns. Something he tried to do years ago but he got killed when he tried. JT was a smart man who loved to read and he taught me I could learn anything as long as I took the time to sit down and read. I think my dad would be proud SAMCRO's helping to educate children. _

_SAMCRO sponsored a charity run in the name of John Teller benefiting the Charming Library. Charters from all over the country showed up honoring the founding father of the Sons of Anarchy. We made enough money the library built a new children's wing full of books. There was enough money left over for the library to increase the volume of books by 50%._

_When it comes to the life of John Thomas Teller I can't dwell on it long. There are too many unanswered questions pertaining to my father. New questions start twisting me up more than I was before. Tara's right. I just need to remember the good times, the father he was to me and how much he loved me. Then throw out all the other things trying to creep in._

_One of the first things Tara did when we moved into the new clubhouse was hire a cleaning service to clean SAMCRO's business offices, clubhouse and dorms relieving the crow eaters of the responsibility. The hard partying was replaced to occasionally instead of every night. The guys still needed some sort of contact with the sweet butts and crow eaters and a place to do it. Our problem was solved when we bought, 'The Cavern's Tavern' it's an established business that was struggling. The owners were an old couple who more than glad for us to buy it so they could get out from under it. 'The Cavern,' we renamed it, has shown a profit from the very beginning. Who knew a hangout for a MC's crow eaters, hang arounds and sweet butts give people the simulation of a bikers life. It seems between The Cavern and Buck's our reputation is what keeps us in business. _

_Then we opened a sports bar across town that had been in foreclosure for a couple of years, 'Slicks.' It didn't take much to fix it up and it was ready to open. It's a quiet atmosphere where you can catch a game or just a quiet drink away from the club. The customers there are regulars who want to have a cold beer and relax in peace._

_On special occasions SAMCRO can still throw a hell of a party at the clubhouse and the crow eaters and sweet butts flock to the clubhouse then but they know they have to be on their special behavior or Tara will kick them out._

_We still run protection for Oswald Trucking when Oswald feels he needs extra security but most of the runs we do now are for charity. It seems SAMCRO knows how to raise a substantial amount of money for the less fortunate. We are requested for so many charity runs that we have to turn some away because we just can't do them all. We have to pick and choose and that has been something we hadn't anticipated. No one would believe with SAMCRO's reputation we are a bunch of softies who hate to tell people no. That's where Tara comes in and breaks everything down and discusses it with Bobby and they decide who truly needs it and which runs we should do. If it's something that's personal to us or we hold close to our hearts then we do it, no questions asked._

_At one time our charity runs were just a cover for our gun running days but now we actually enjoy doing it. Most of the old ladies like to come along on the trips. Tara lives for the chance to ride with her arms wrapped around me between her legs with her thighs rubbing up against me. I can't lie, I love those rides too. It takes us back to our carefree days when we didn't worry about anything except where we were going to stop to make love along the way. _

_It was on one of these runs and bike rallies I met a lovely woman in charge of the women's charity hosting the event. The whole concept piqued an interest in me. I felt Tara and Charming would benefit from it. It could be just what the doctor ordered, a place for Tara to fit in and make a difference- a Women's Center in Charming. After Tara and Fiona inspected the Center and their financial statement, Tara came back to me and told me she was interested so we started building. In a few months it should be completed and when Tara's ready to decide what the next step in her career will be she'll have a place to do it._

_The Women Center is being built across the lot of the new Teller Automotive which I personally own. Since we tore down the old clubhouse we have more room for the Center, my new automotive parts, repairs, and bodywork shop, and the car and motorcycle accessory showroom, specializing in Harley Davidsons. I have to say, we never expected the most business to come from selling car parts. But with the economy now people have to fix things themselves whether they know how or not. These are the hardest repairs we have. By the time the owners finally bring them to us to fix after they have messed around and fucked everything up._

_The rewards of becoming a brotherhood again is some of the guys actually think about a future and possibly settling down with a girlfriend or even a wife._

_Juice has an old lady named Maxine a 5 foot tall ball of energy he who loves Juice and he adores her. Maxine loves my boys and she's great at entertaining them when she and Juice are around. But I won't leave the boys with Juice and Maxine, they're so wrapped upped in each other they're not aware anyone else is in their world_ _and they would forget Abel and Thomas are there. They remind me of Tara and I when we were in high school, the outside world didn't exist. _

_Happy even has an old lady, Beverly, but he won't admit it and we sure as hell don't correct him; to his face. Beverly was a co-worker of Tara's in the NICU. Happy met Beverly one afternoon when we were eating lunch at Opie's, Tara and Beverly came in and sat with us. Tara and I were in awe, Happy was talking, actually talking- to a woman. They hit it off and for the first time since I've known him, Happy Lowman dates._

_Phil has decided that he wants to meet each one of his soon to be employees at Diosa and 'interview and evaluate' each one personally before he settles down._

_Tig. Who wants Tig? Really who does? Tig is a crow eater's dream._

_Bobby says he's too old to get involved with one woman. He has too much child support as it is and we all agree with him. Of course it might just be we don't want to lose our cook._

_Chibs is a new man with his Fiona and Kerrianne here. Bringing Fiona and Kerrianne to the United States is the best decision Tara and I have made. Sometimes I hardly recognize him he almost glows with happiness._

_Moving Chibs to the VP position is what's best for the club. I only wish I had done that in the beginning. I had really hoped Opie would take the position but he declined it, so I thought Bobby was the next best choice at the time. He could make level headed wise decisions. Who knows maybe I should have listened to him. Maybe I shouldn't. But we're here now, and the club is finally recovering from years of being ruled by a ruthless murderer._

_One of the problems with going 'legit' and making money is everyone wants to come and join SAMCRO. Front and foremost we are still SONS, members of the Mother Charter and you can't walk away from that no matter who we are. After Clay and his Nomad transfers fuck up we won't let just anyone transfer. _

_The club decided unanimously, we don't need or want any other members sitting at the table anytime soon. We've lived through too much to let anyone else patch into SAMCRO. Too many of our brothers have given their lives for us to be in the position we're in now. Too much blood has been shed for someone else to come in and reap our benefits. We'll patch Rat in at some time I owe him that for keeping his mouth shut when Clay was shot. I promised him and I will keep my promise but after him no more. _

_We have plenty of jobs with our new businesses and if a SON's approved they can come and work, they can even remain SONS but they won't sit at our table and they don't have a vote. _

_Rane Quinn the former Nomad President has many years riding between the lines on the black tar and has decided to hang up his helmet and has chosen Charming as the place to rest his ass. Quinn has proved to be a loyal SON through the years and was always 'ready to ride' and join in where they are needed to help a brother in distress. SAMCRO's not looking to patch in any new members but will offer Quinn a job and a place to lay his head. _

_It goes without saying the club is leery of Nomads looking to transfer to SAMCRO but Quinn has earned the respect and trust from his brothers. That's not saying any other Nomad can move to Charming and get work. If other weather worn bikers are looking to hang their helmets up,_

_ SAMCRO might be able to find a job for them._

_Also, Big Bill has requested a transfer. He's from Tacoma and I don't know much about him except he came down and helped with the Russian problem while we were in prison but that's all I know. Little Willy, I don't know where he's from he has requested one too. We have to take all transfers to the table but that doesn't mean they'll get in._

_Prospects are different they don't have the responsibility like they used to. They don't have a chance to be in the club but we still have guys show up for the position all the time. I'm not even sure what the job entails anymore but Bobby knows he takes the applications and he has 'the talk' with the applicants. I'm not even sure what 'the talk' is he's always referring to but I'm sure it's not a fairytale._

_When I think of the last real prospect we had, it was Half Sack. It takes my breath away _and makes my heart start palpitating _knowing he was protecting my family when he was killed. Protecting the family I should have been protecting. My family shouldn't have needed protecting. No, prospects aren't like they used to be. And I'm glad I don't have to worry about them getting blood on their hands. _

_When Opie and I came along getting the prospect cut meant something, like a rite of passage. We were second generation first nine and that meant something to us. If we hadn't been so caught up in the honor and wanting to be like our fathers bullshit we would have known it was a bad idea. Since we were five years old all we wanted was a Harley and a cut. Gemma instilled it in us before we ever started school._

_Tara was the only one who saw it for what it really was. How a five year old little girl who was not involved in SAMCRO knew so much about it I'll never know. Well, I take that back. That was pretty much all Ope and I talked about and being Ope's neighbor that's all she heard from us. How she knew the bad stuff I'm sure was from being quiet and paying attention when people talked which Ope and I were neither- quiet nor observant.. Tara used to put her hands on her hips and shake her head at us like we were stupid, just plain stupid. She was like a mini Gemma who wasn't scared of us, the biker kids, one bit. If truth be known we were scared of her. She could whip our asses back then. _A smile crept on Jax's face as he reminisced._ Oh, and I willing let Tara whip mine with a hidden smile on my face. _Jax laughs.

A small, sad smile crosses Jax's face._ It was Thomas though who pushed Tara and me for our first kiss. I'll never forget the look on Tara's face with her hands on her hips stomping that foot, she always had her hands on her hips back then. When Thomas told her what he wanted. Of course we did anything he wanted when he added before I die. What Thomas didn't know was I had been secretly in love with Tara almost all my life. Maybe Thomas did know he was wise beyond his years. He made me promise to marry Tara because that's who he wanted to marry. I'll never forget the serious look on his face when Thomas made me promise to marry Tara. That's who he wanted to marry but because he couldn't he wanted me to marry her. He wanted me to protect Tara because life had been cruel to her. What would Thomas think now? He would be disappointed in me because I haven't protected Tara from anything; especially me. _Jax closes his misty eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose trying to stop the tears that are soon to follow. He takes a deep breath trying to composing himself.

_I did marry her and look where it's gotten her. She's in this mess because of me, because she loves me. _Jax sighs._ Because Otto had a score to settle with me over Luann's death and he holds me personally responsible. It looks like Tara was right the club is bad news especially for her._

Jax has thought on this too hard and has a headache_. Everything has finally started falling into place, everything except for Tara. Tara being the caring loving wife and mother she is, has sacrificed everything for me and our family to get us out and away from SAMCRO. Only now she faces her own charges. I never wanted this for Tara. I never wanted for her to lose her innocence but I was so eloquently reminded not long ago that you can't have both, 'That you can't ride two horses with one ass.' You can't be sweet and innocent and survive this life. I can say I would have sent Tara away if I had known she wouldn't be able to stay the same sweet Tara I fell in love with. I would be lying. I wouldn't have. I couldn't have sent her away, and she wouldn't have gone. We lived too much of our lives apart. We weren't going to go back to those lonely miserable times without each other._

_Would have I gone away with my family once there was no more RICO charges? Would I have given up the reins to the club I was born into? Would I willingly walk away? Could I walk away from something I love so dearly? Then invariably I see Tara's face, her green eyes brimmed with tears._ Jax has to stop thinking these thoughts... he's too afraid he wouldn't like the answers.

_Fuck it, I need a beer. No. No I'm going home to my family. Jax got up and walked through the heavy wooden double doors out of the room he had been holed up in for the past four hours to go home to his wife and children._


	3. Chapter 3

Eli Roosevelt's dazed. Staring at the receiver of his phone in his hand, the trance lasts for minutes. Eli slowly lays the receiver down on the base remaining still and quiet. A source calls confirming Eli's suspicions about Romeo Parada and Luis Torres.

He's not off the phone ten minutes when the phone rings again. Eli could say he saw it coming but that doesn't mean he still isn't surprised of the impending warrant to arrest of Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller, wife of the local Sons of Anarchy President Jackson Teller for conspiracy to commit murder in the death of prison nurse, Pamela Toric. Ms. Toric was stabbed to death in the presence of Dr. Knowles-Teller by Otto Delany with a cross brought to him by Dr. Knowles-Teller. In addition to the warrant he's told there's a sealed witness statement claiming they know for certain that Dr. Knowles-Teller brought Otto the murder weapon knowing he was going to murder the nurse.

Eli knows and respects Dr. Knowles-Teller, Tara, as a brilliant caring doctor. Eli's late wife, Rita, had spoken highly of Tara both professionally and personally. The last person Eli would expect to arrest associated with SAMCRO for murder is Tara. Eli recently has seen a different perspective of Jackson Teller when Jax proved Eli wrong- SAMCRO wasn't directly involved in the home invasions that killed Eli's wife, Rita, and their unborn child. That blame fell at the feet of Clay Morrow and a handful of rogue SONS. With each other's help, Eli and Jax, made sure Clay Morrow paid for Rita's death with Clay's own.

Eli and Jax also managed to get Damon Pope and Clay Morrow killed by the same gun. Well, Pope killed with it and Clay set up for Pope's murder then subsequently killed in prison.

Eli's told the warrant won't be issued for at least four hours. Eli's not sure why they would wait that long to get a warrant out and also why are they calling to let him know there'll be a warrant but hours away? This whole thing seems absurd something isn't right and Eli feels it's his civic duty to find out who's behind this 'warrant.' His position, as a law enforcement official limits him to what he's allowed to do. Having plenty of time before Tara's warrant is ready leaves him time to investigate a few things. Eli knows a man who thinks highly of Tara and would want to help. Eli calls retired Charming Police Chief Wayne Unser. Being in Charming, a year now Eli has is beginning to understand the relationship Wayne Unser has with SAMCRO.

Heading home Eli calls Unser. "Chief it's Eli. I was wondering if you could meet me at my house, I have some things I'd like to go over with you. I need a little local history lesson." Eli wants to find out the history of the Sons of Anarchy he wants to know how things work in their world.

"Sure, I'm not doing anything I can meet you there."

Eli knows Unser still has many friends throughout the local law enforcement community and Unser always knows things are going to happen before they actually happen, sometimes before Eli does. If Unser doesn't say anything about Tara then it confirms something's definitely going on. Eli's pretty sure if Unser knows about the warrant it would have been the first thing Unser said to him.

Eli has to make sure Unser's really interested in helping Tara before he discusses the warrant with Unser. Eli has heard the rumors around town about Unser and Gemma Morrow. He's not blind he sees Unser following behind Gemma like a little puppy dog waiting to be petted. He needs to find out who Unser is loyal to.

Eli's waiting to saying anything to Jax about the investigation until he finds some things out about Jax and Tara first. Eli knows Jax loves his wife but Eli isn't going to trust anyone with this personal investigation on Tara. At this point everyone is a suspect in trying to set her up for a murder wrap even Jax. That's what Eli thinks is going on- someone is setting Tara up but the question is who and why. Eli doesn't see Tara, a highly skilled surgeon, who saves lives daily, as a killer or as a threat to someone.

Eli's sitting out back under the big oak tree waiting on Unser when he pulls in the driveway. Eli stands up to greet Unser as Unser walks over to him. "Thanks for coming for coming over Chief. I hope I'm not taking you away from anything important."

"Naw, my calendar is open now days. The only standing appointment I have scheduled is my chemo treatments. It seems that cancer doesn't wait for anyone."

"How are you feeling Chief?"

"I'm alright, a little slower some days than the others. But I know you didn't invite me over to talk about my health. What do you have on your mind?"

Eli sits back in his chair getting comfortable. "Tell me about SAMCRO, the beginning all the way to the present. How did they start? Who started them, what did they stand for and how did it work?"

"SAMCRO? Has something happened?"

"No. Nothing has happened with SAMCRO. But I think I need to know the history of SAMCRO since they are in the town I protect.

Unser sits looking at Eli suspiciously and pulls out a joint and lights it.

Eli's eyes grow looking at the joint Unser pulls out. "Really?"

Unser chuckles lightly. "I'm stage four, bladder cancer. This is the only enjoyment I have left in life."

Eli nods.

Unser takes a big toke, after blowing the smoke out. "SAMCRO now is the best it's ever been. Jax isn't anything like Clay he's more like JT."

"How is that?" Eli can already see Jax isn't anything like the Clay. Eli has seen evidence of that this past year, but it doesn't explain how Clay has always been or how Jax and whoever JT is are different.

"I guess in order to do that I need to start at the beginning- John Teller."

Eli interrupts. "Jax's father?"

Unser nods. "Yes, Jax's father."

"John Teller, JT as he was known to his friends, was a fine man, a man that had big dreams but a man who was conflicted with society. JT and Piney Winston were looking to find the brotherhood they had in Vietnam- these men were outcasts in their own country because of a controversial war people didn't understand. JT co-founded Sons of Anarchy with Piney, they were two of nine men who were the first members of the club- they're referred to as 'The First Nine' some of whom served and fought side by side daily in Vietnam. JT named the MC after running across Emma Goldman's description of anarchism."

"You have to understand the times back then were hard on our country moving from the conservative '60's to the liberal '70's of free love and peace. There were people burning American flags and protesting all over the United States. The Vietnam War was fought by 2/3 volunteered troops the others were drafted by the Selected Service System at age eighteen. According to William Westmoreland, the commanding officer in Vietnam, the draft was discriminatory, undemocratic and resulted in the war being fought by the poor man's son.' Sixty-one percent of soldiers who lost their lives were under twenty-one years of age."

"These boys were forced into a mosquito infested jungle and fight for their lives and the lives of their fellow soldiers just because of an unlucky number on a draft card. Many enlistees were boys when they went in and came out hardened men who had seen more violence in their young lives than they should have seen in a lifetime. When their tour of duty was up and these men returned home there wasn't a ticker tape parade welcoming them home, no cheering and people waving flags. No, they got spat on, were insulted, and attacked by angry protests by people who hated them for "murdering" the North Vietnamese. This was confusing for these soldiers who risked their lives and watched their fellow comrades die to come home to a country who hated them."

"JT and Piney were getting war medals from the federal government but were being ridiculed, by the general public. All they wanted was a place to go to and be left alone so they could live the rest of their lives in peace and deal with the demons they carried with them from the war. They finally found that in Charming."

Eli asks, "How did they end up in Charming?"

Unser chuckles. "Gemma. Gemma was JT's old lady. She had met him on the road and fell in love with him and his ideas of freedom. It didn't matter that JT was eighteen years older, she jumped on the back of his bike and two months later she was pregnant. The Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club rode across country looking for a place to set their roots."

"Gemma grew up in Charming and she convinced JT to come to Charming and check it out. They had been on the road years looking for the perfect place. The club liked what they saw- a small town where they could live amongst themselves peacefully."

Eli's interest is peaked. "What was Gemma like?"

Unser took a deep breath. "Gemma Madock" Unser laughs shaking his head. "Has always been a free spirit of the seventies. She was a rebellious teenager with a carefree attitude and you couldn't tell Gemma anything, she wouldn't listen to anyone especially her mother Rose. Gemma and Rose had and ongoing fight. They never understood each other."

"Gemma had a younger brother, Nathaniel they were both plagued with the same congenital heart defect they inherited from their mother Rose's side of the family. Surgery saved Gemma when she was older but Nathaniel wasn't as lucky and died when he was a boy. The disease is often referred to as "the family flaw" by Gemma."

"Gemma didn't like to be told what to do so she ran away at sixteen. A couple of years after Gemma ran away Nate retired from his church, he was a local minister. Nate and Rose opted to move to Oregon and out in the country away from Charming, there were too many bad memories haunting them."

"Ten years later Gemma returned pregnant on the back of a motorcycle, a five year old Jax, surrounded by a motorcycle club."

"Well how did the town take to the bike gang?" Eli doesn't understand how anyone would want a bike gang in their town.

"There was a peaceful existence between the people of Charming and the SONS at first. JT loved Charming and the people of Charming liked him. The club didn't cause anyone any trouble. They kept the town safe at first. Once SAMCRO got into the gun business a few of the members became cocky and would cause some trouble with some patrons in Charming. JT found out and apologized then took care of the members and we didn't have any more trouble."

"After JT died subtle changes started happening. It wasn't long before the town was split into two groups. SAMCRO protected and the unprotected. Where JT was personable and easy going Clay was the opposite, he was domineering. They still kept inside the borders of Charming safe but everyone paid a price for it one way or the other."

"After a couple of years the club grew in numbers and members started their own families and branching out into other parts of the country. The Sons of Anarchy grew into other charters there were patch overs with other clubs and they kept growing. Soon there were charters up and down the west coast and throughout the US and abroad too. They still stood for the same thing- brotherhood, but the true meaning seemed to get lost along the way. JT and Piney tried to stay true to the ideals and meaning of their original MC."

Eli has to know. "Where the SONS always running guns?"

Unser shakes his head. "No, they weren't. They were involved in some other forms of 'shady activities' but not gun running and JT and Clay also had the garage's income."

"Then what changed?" Eli asks.

"Clay. Clay was always looking for ways to make money without having to do any work or honest work. McGee another first nine was from Ireland and he knew the IRA was looking to distribute guns in the US. Clay and McGee were constantly talking about the money they could make and the more they talked the more attention they got. Clay and McGee were pushing JT hard to get into guns."

"It wasn't like JT didn't need the money. He and Gemma's youngest son Thomas had the same heart condition Gemma's brother had the "family flaw." Gemma was scared she was going to lose Thomas. Thomas' young life consisted of doctors, hospitals and tests. They were drowning in a sea of medical bills. The strain on of it all had JT and Gemma arguing constantly. JT didn't want to but he finally caved and agreed to get the club involved in the gun business with the IRA. If it hadn't been for Thomas JT would still be fighting it. This is when their marriage started to crumble it was never the same."

"The arrangement was supposed to be a temporary thing when they first started. JT and McGee headed to Ireland to talk to the IRA and see if they could set things up for a pipeline. While there McGee decided he wanted to stay in Ireland and start a charter in Belfast. JT was back in forth from Ireland to Charming as time went by he was having to spend more time in Ireland than home."

Eli doesn't understand. "If it was temporary then why were they still running guns less than a year ago? What happened to the original club's ideals?"

"Greed and the love for another man's wife consumed the club they lost their footing and ruined all they stood for. JT had had enough, he and Piney wanted out of the gun running. They felt it was too dangerous and they had seen all the bloodshed they wanted in their lives. But gun running was good money and other members were too attached to the money to want to give it up. Once the Irish pipeline was opened with the IRA that was their demise and the club was taken over by their gluttonous love of money and power"

"JT wanted to be home with his family, they were all hurting from the loss of Thomas. He had been racked with guilt for being away from home while Thomas was sick missing what little time Thomas had left. JT was never the same after Thomas died."

"It looked as though JT was purposely staying away from home but the club and even Gemma were reaping the rewards of the money the guns were bringing. Someone had to make sure everything was running smoothly and JT was that someone and he became more resentful as each day passed. JT was upset he was the one sacrificing his family in order for the club to have money and Gemma was starting to fall in this category too. All their money wasn't just going to Thomas anymore Gemma was getting used to spending."

"Thomas' death damaged the Teller family in ways they never recovered. Gemma was left home to take care of Thomas and Jax while JT was off in Ireland for months and months on end. Thomas' death destroyed JT and knocked the wind out of a twelve year old Jax and brought out the mama bear and tiger in Gemma. Gemma saw JT as weak and lost all respect she had for him- he was not the self-assured man she married. The strain on their marriage was already there. You add the time JT had been spending overseas not being able to come home before Thomas died drove a wedge between JT and Gemma and push her further into Clay Morrow's arms. Gemma grieved Thomas in Clay's arms not JT's and it didn't go unnoticed by JT or the others."

"Three years after Thomas died JT was killed when a semi hit his motorcycle and dragged him 178 yards under it. He broke or crushed almost every bone on one side of his body. His flesh was almost grated from being dragged that far but the man somehow hung on for two days. He left behind a widow and a young fifteen year old, Jax, who idolized his father, mourning."

"When JT was spending all that time in Ireland working with the IRA keeping the pipeline open sacrificing his family and making money for everyone at home. JT decided he didn't want to do it anymore. He wanted to come back home. JT was trying to get out of dealing in guns. Then he found out when he was Ireland that his wife wasn't as lonely as he was. Not too long ago it came to light that JT had a young Irish girlfriend at the end of his stay in Ireland."

Eli's mind is trying to take in all he's hearing trying to piece together things in his head trying to incorporate what he thought he knew about the club and what he has just learned. Of all the things he's heard there's one he doesn't understand and he's conflicted himself. John had a girlfriend after he was there and couldn't come home he had to have someone. Plus he knew Gemma and Clay were messing around. No wonder the man felt guilty. If John was having an affair then what's the big deal with Gemma and Clay being together? Why would he care if Gemma's leaning on Clay when Thomas died when he had with another woman? These people are more screwed up than I thought.

Unser looks over at Eli and can tell he's thinking about something. "What is it?"

"If JT was shacking up with another woman at the end of his stay then why did it matter if Gemma and Clay were together?"

Unser nods at Eli. "Because JT and Clay are brothers. While JT was in Ireland, on club business, he trusted his brothers to watch over his family not sleep with his wife. You have to understand they are a brotherhood and if you can't trust your brother then you can't trust anyone. This was a scandal that shook up the club and added to JT's depression after Thomas died."

"Clay was a snake and he had two things on his mind money and the president's chair at the head of the table. He did anything he had to do to get there and would do anything to keep it. Including shacking up with the president's wife who still had the president's ear but once JT found out about Clay JT quit listening to Gemma's whispers.

Clay was the one to put the hit on Tara. He tried to call it off when he found out Jax and the boys were with her but it was too late the plans were already set in motion and they couldn't be stopped. Luckily Tara's hand was the only thing that was destroyed and not her life. I'm sure Tara doesn't agree, it almost destroyed Tara when her hand was mangled both physically and mentally. She had worked so hard to become what she was and it was all destroyed by Clay."

Eli smirks. Uh huh, Clay hired Galindo to take Tara out. Could the cartel have something to do with Tara being arrested? They have the CIA behind them it could be possible. But why? Get Jax back under their thumb again and draw him back into the business? Set Tara up for murder and the witness retracts their statement when Jax agrees to do what they want? Could be. "Why was Clay out to get Tara?

Unser reflected. Eli doesn't need to find out about the letters especially the accident report I forged. No he doesn't need to find that out. "Clay did it to keep Jax in line. He knew Tara was looking at a job at Providence Hospital and he needed Jax to stay in Charming and back him on things with the cartel. Jax had planned on leaving the club when Clay retired but Clay needed Jax's votes to get the cartels money. Clay knew if Tara took the Providence job Jax would want to leave sooner than planned to be with his family."

"Tara's always been smart she had to be, her mother died when she was nine her father turned to alcohol and became a neglectful abusive drunk. She raised herself and did a helluva job too. Tara was talked about, taunted at school and around town- she was the drunk's daughter. Tara had no one but her best friends, she raised herself with; Jax and Opie- they always protected her. She would run to Piney's when her father became violent which unfortunately was too often."

Eli interrupted him. "You didn't do anything? No one did anything? You just stood there and let an innocent child get beaten? A little girl and no one stepped in and did anything? No even the MC? How can you call yourself a law enforcer when you did nothing to help her? My god what's wrong with you people?" Eli's disgusted.

Unser shakes his head. "It wasn't that easy. Tara's smart she didn't let anyone see her bruises. Tara was a very private little girl without friends. She stayed to herself she the boys she didn't need anyone else. If by chance someone did see a bruise she always had a good excuse for it and the rest was just hearsay.

Tara didn't have any other relatives and she was more afraid of what would happen to her if they locked her father up. She had learned her father's routine, when to make herself scarce. She was just biding her time until she was eighteen. Jax and Opie saw more bruises than anyone else but she still hid them from the boys too. Piney started paying visits to Clancy Knowles periodically no one has ever said what happened, and they never will, but her father never touched her again."

"Jax and Tara's relationship slowly started turning into something more when they were around fifteen. Then they started dating when she was sixteen. Jax was the only one Tara had to depend on. She still had Opie and Piney but no one loved Tara like Jax. Those two kids were so in love it made everyone believe in true love, like fairytale shit. Their love was too big for teenagers to understand. Those two are soul mates anyone can see it."

"Gemma hated Tara. There was another woman in her son's life, and she could see that Jax had fallen and fallen hard for Tara. Gemma was jealous of Tara. Finally Gemma thought it would be best to have Tara closer so she could keep an eye on her. Gemma took Tara under her wing teaching her about the club and how to be an old lady. She was trying to scare Tara she never trusted Tara. I'll say at one time Gemma did care for the girl but Gemma is all about manipulating people and Tara was too smart to be manipulated."

"Tara always had dreams of leaving Charming. She wanted away from her dad, away from the memories of the town and away from the club. Tara always wanted to be a doctor. Jax was groomed to take over the club his father started. After John died Gemma became obsessed with Jax taking over and she knew Tara was going to want something bigger and better than what Charming had to offer. That's why Gemma didn't like Tara she was worried Tara could get Jax to go with her. But Gemma knew how to push Jax's buttons and manipulated Jax to stay and Tara leaving broken hearted. Of course all you hear is how Tara left Jax breaking his heart but really it was because Gemma not letting Jax leave with Tara breaking both or their hearts."

"I think as self-assured as Jax is he was actually afraid. Afraid he wasn't smart enough to make it in another world than which he lived in."

"Jax worked at the garage six days a week. If he wasn't working at the garage then Clay would have him doing something at the club until early morning hours. If Clay could keep Jax busy then Gemma could. They were flashing the prospect cut in front of Jax making him the youngest prospect in club history. Gemma would go on and on about how proud JT would be of Jax. They weren't going to let Jax quit the club. Filling his head with loyalty bullshit and how he was made to sit at the head of the table to honor his father. Jax bought into it like he always did when you mentioned JT. Chasing the cut became exhausting and Jax had to let something go, he couldn't keep burning the candle at both ends and school was it. Tara was livid and hurt. Tara knew what was happening even if Jax didn't. School was about the only place she saw him anymore."

Eli gets up and starts pacing with his hands clasped behind his back then he stops in front of Unser looking down at him. "The woman wouldn't let her own son go to school?" Unser sadly shakes his head. "She's that jealous of an eighteen year old girl she wouldn't let her son get an education?"

Unser knows trying to explain the club's impossible for anyone to do or understand when you're an outsider.

"I think that was probably the hardest for Tara- watching Jax get sucked in by Gemma using Jax's idolization and love for his father. Tara knew she couldn't say anything Jax would think she was jealous and trying to hurt him when the opposite was true but he wouldn't believe her so she had no choice but not say anything."

"JT wanted more for Jax. John wanted Jax to finish school and go on to college, he didn't want the outlaw life for Jax or his brother Thomas. JT knew he was the misfit not his children. After Thomas died JT started shutting down and JT never told Jax the things he wanted for him, the dreams he had for Jax." Unser's voice unexpectedly hitched, he quickly looks away. Eli looks at him curiously but doesn't comment.

"Tara got a free ride at UC San Diego and wanted Jax to go with her. Jax foolishly thought he could talk her out of going. Tara wanted more out of life than just being an old lady. There were tears and yelling and by the time she left they both were exhausted and too tired to fight about it anymore. So Tara left her heart here and took Jax's with her."

"Jax was depressed and miserable after Tara left and Gemma kept throwing girls at him telling him the answer was sleeping with them, it would take away the pain, he didn't need a girlfriend anyway it would take his focus away from the club like Tara did."

"Gemma was jealous of Tara and she still is. Gemma has always had an unhealthy relationship with Jax after his brother, Thomas died. She would use Thomas' death to manipulate Jax into feeling sorry for her and JT's death to control him with his birthright; the club. Jax always excused Gemma's behavior because he felt sorry for her knowing how much it hurt her when Thomas died. Jax's life has been controlled by ghosts. Sadly in one way or the other it still is."

Unser has a mist in his eyes. "Tara's had a hard life, it's about time things have finally turned around for her. Hopefully now with Jax changing SAMCRO he and Tara will finally have the break they need. Tara deserves it she's been through too much as it is."

Eli never realized Tara had things so bad growing up. Eli's ashamed to admit he's never cared about Tara as a person only that she's connected to SAMCRO. He doesn't associate the doctor Rita always like and respected as the same woman. He has never seen her as a whole. Eli hangs his thinking about it.

Unser sees the look on Eli's face, something's wrong he can feel it. "What's happened to Tara? What's going on Eli?"

Eli looks up and Unser in the eye. "You still have contacts in the county don't you?"

Unser nods looking wearily at Eli. "Yeah."

"If something was going you would be the first to hear about it, right chief?"

Unser sits up with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together and looks at Eli trying to read his face. "Son, what's going on? There has to be a reason you wanted a history lesson on SAMCRO, so how about you tell me what it is, now?"

Eli sighs. "I got a call a couple hours ago telling me 'there's going to be an arrest warrant issued for the arrest of Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller for conspiracy to commit murder in a couple of hours.'"

Unser cocks his head sideways squinting his eyes at Eli. "There's going to be, one in a couple of hours?"

Eli smirks. "Around four hours."

"You don't say." Unser sits back in his chair. "Since when, is there a notice on when a warrant is going to be issued? More or less a four hour notice?" Unser asks.

Eli shakes his head. "This is your county Chief."

Unser looks at Eli pointedly. "No son. Not anymore, it's yours now and you don't seem to know it very well. There might be a heads up after a warrant is issued or while it's being issued but not before. That's up to the judge when the warrant is issued. I don't understand what the holdup is?"

"I don't know. They're supposed to call me when it's issued and it's been around four hours now."

Unser takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Does Tara know?"

"I'm sure she does by now. I talked to Jax and Lowen earlier. Lowen was going to Jax and Tara's about an hour ago."

"You're going to let Tara turn herself in aren't you?"

Eli inhales through his nose exhales through his mouth. "Yeah. I don't want a scene between Tara and the boys and I know she doesn't either. There's no need for that. Plus, I'm not sure what's going on with this warrant or who's behind it, I want it to be as low profile as it can be. Since we're the blind ones in this game we're trying to keep Tara close. Lowen has Tara with her and she's waiting on my call when I get the paperwork. Luckily county, and the prison is quarantined and Tara will be held in Charming."

"What else do you know about this warrant?"

Eli admits. "I've been told there's a sealed statement from a witness."

Unser rubs the back of his neck. "This whole thing stinks. Smells just like bullshit. Looks like someone has it out for Tara."

"Someone close." Eli adds.

Unser nods. "You could be right.

Eli questions. "That makes everyone suspect then. Even Teller?"

Unser chuckles. "Especially Jax? If I'm only sure two things in my life- one is Jax Teller would never hurt Tara Knowles, he couldn't hurt Tara. You've known Jax for a year. Jax and Tara have known each other their whole lives and Jax has always taken care of Tara. He and Opie have been her protectors since kindergarten. There might have been broken hearts, other girls and hurt feelings but Jax and Opie both wouldn't let anyone hurt Tara."

Eli cocks his head sideways. "Are you sure?"

Unsers nods. "Yes. I'm sure. Has all this shit been about if Jax could do this to Tara? Why didn't you just ask me that to begin with?"

"Would you have told me?"

"Hell yes. You don't understand. Tara is a small town girl who has beat all odds and done something good with her life. She wouldn't have made it through high school if it hadn't been for Jax's love. Jax is a big part, if not 'the' part of what Tara is today."

"What about Teller?"

Unser tries to get the point across. "What about Teller? I can't make this any clearer, Jax and Tara, belong with each other. We, Charming, expect them to be together. Now, are we, you and I, going to work on this together or am I going to do this all on my own? Either way, I'm not standing by and let Tara get locked away."

"Yes, we'll do this together. I have to ask, what's the other thing you know?" Eli questions.

Unser shakes his head and huffs at Eli. "That Tara Knowles would never hurt a fly. No matter what people in this town did or said to her when she was growing up, she ignored them, she never hurt any of them. Well except for a few girls who were stupid enough to touch Jax but Tara took care of them immediately," Unser smiles at the memory of the black eyes or split lips Tara caused. Then the smile fades as Unser thinks back to Nero's sister, the beat down she got but that was Gemma's doing. Opie was killed, emotions were high and Gemma used it to her advantage just like she does everything else.


	4. Chapter 4

A loud banging noise wakes Jax as he slowly opens an eye glancing around trying to get his bearings then he opens the other. His mind's still in a fog, his body branded with Tara's love as he tries to come out of his haze into the present. _What is that fucking banging_? Jax smirks down at Tara's sated body still entangled with his lying knocked out beneath him. Jax has accomplished what he set out to do, he fucked the shit out of his old lady.

Thinking back Jax chuckles, _I got the shit fucked out of me too_. Jax knows without a doubt he loves this beautiful woman beneath him more than anything in the world and he'll get her out of this mess no matter what he has to do. Jax's still burrowed deep inside Tara slowly and carefully pulls out of her _damn_, he's super sensitive. Jax mutters. "Damn woman what have you done to me?"

The banging continues and then Jax realizes it's the door how long have they been asleep? "Shit," Jax gets up and wraps the sheet around him and heads to the front door, closing the bedroom door on his way out after looking back at this wife's sleeping form. Jax opens the front door and it's Ally Lowen, she's here to take Tara to the police station. Jax tells her. "Sorry about that we must have fallen asleep."

Ally smiles a knowing smile. Ally grew up alongside Jax and Tara, they didn't hang around in the same crowd but everybody knew they were the Prince and Princess of Charming even back in high school. They all witnessed the passion and love Jax and Tara share wishing someday someone will love them like that. "Don't worry Jax. I called the sheriff's department and there has been a delay in Tara's paperwork. There is a measles outbreak in the county and they're having trouble with it spreading through the prison and county jail. For the time being they aren't letting new prisoners in and no one can be transferred out. Because of this Tara's going to be held here in Charming until the outbreak is contained. Right now they're not sure how long it will be. We still have a couple of hours before the paperwork is completed because of the quarantine there isn't anyone there to issue a warrant. That's why this whole thing doesn't make any sense. Tara can't be arrested when there isn't a warrant for her arrest. I talked to Eli and he thinks this is strange too, I can't take her in until there's paperwork. Whoever their witness is must be pushing this hard and someone's listening. I thought I'd come on over and let you know what's going on and it gives us some time to talk and prepare Tara for what's about to happen."

Jax scrubs his face with his hands then runs his hands through his hair trying to wake up and decides some coffee would be nice as he gets up to start a pot.

"Shit. I'm afraid to ask her, afraid it will upset her more but I have to ask Tara who the boys' doctor is and what to do." For Tara's sake as well as his own, Jax needs to get his emotions in check or else Tara will be able to see the turmoil brewing inside him just by looking into his eyes. Jax needs remain calm so Tara doesn't break down, hell, so he doesn't break down.

Wrapped in the comforter from their bed Tara saunters into the kitchen looking for Jax. "Jax?" She sees Ally sitting at the table with Jax. "Oh... Hi, Ally." Tara throws her hand up waving her fingers. She turns toward Jax, "Why didn't you wake me up?" Tara starts to panic. "I need a shower before I leave."

Jax can't help but smile his girl can't stand to be late for anything and it looks like that includes jail. Jax gets up and walks over to Tara and wraps his arms around her. "Babe it will be a couple of hours there's still a hold up on your paper work. Ally came to tell us in person and to talk with us. You have plenty of time Tara." Tara leans into Jax laying her head on his chest. Jax takes a deep breath letting it out slowly. "There's a measles outbreak in San Joaquin County and you'll be held in Charming until your bail hearing. They've quarantined the prison and county jail."

"I need to know if there's anything I need to do about the boys? Do I take them to the doctor? I don't know who their doctor is. Should I call them? What do I do?" Jax is trying to keep his own anxiety down so he doesn't add to Tara's.

Tara looks up at Jax with big watery green eyes. "Jax you can't take them to the doctor. Thomas has just had his first vaccination he needs his last one but it won't be for years and Abel has had his first and he has to wait at least a year to have his last one. Don't take them to the doctor's office that's the last place they need to be that's where all the sick kids go." That doesn't make any sense to Jax but he nods anyway. "Don't take them to public places either. Keep them home Jax you have to keep them home, this is serious." Tara's pleading with Jax. Jax knows this is killing Tara he can see the panic in her eyes.

Tara has worked hard through therapy - emotional and physical to get her back to the place she was before her hand injury. Tara won't be able to take care of her babies and their boys mean the world to her. Tara looks up at Jax looking lost it breaks Jax's heart to see Tara like this. Jax's eyes start to water as the guilt sets in he knows she wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for him.

Jax cradles Tara in his arms calming her. After a few minutes Jax looks down at Tara. "Tara look at me." When Tara looks up at Jax he continues. "It will be alright babe. We'll get through this just like we do everything else." Jax kisses Tara's forehead. He looks at Ally, "We'll be back in just a minute I am going to help get Tara ready. Help yourself to the coffee."

"No problem. We have a long wait. Take your time. I will be right here looking over some paper work," Ally says as she fixes her a cup of coffee before she sits back down.

Jax walks Tara back to their bedroom so she can get ready and they can talk privately.

Tara turns and looks at Jax. "Jax you can't possibly want more."

Being contrite Jax smiles. "Baby I always want more of you but you have literally worn the fuck out of me, I hurt in places I never thought was possible. You do have a glow about you," Jax smiles proudly.

"Yeah, you've worn the fuck out of me too. Smiling Tara lets Jax know. "I'm not complaining."

"I'm all about the service, babe," Jax smiles and kisses Tara's forehead lightly. Jax slips on some jeans as he listens to Tara.

"Yeah, I know you are," Tara smiles at him, then her smile drops. Jax, I need to talk to you about something and please let me finish before you say anything and I need you to really listen to me. Promise you will let me talk."

Jax looks at Tara pensively. "Okay."

"One day at the hospital your mother came to see me after the accident and we had cut her off from the boys. She threatened me Jax." Jax looks at Tara wondering what in the hell has his meddlesome mother has done now. "She found out about the job offer from Providence. She told me if I tried to take 'her boys' away from her then she was going to go to the police and tell them I had planned on killing the nurse because I called her to bring me the cross."

Jax doesn't know what to say. He's afraid to say anything, afraid it could be the wrong thing and Jax doesn't want to set her off before she leaves for the station. "When was this?" Jax figures he's safe with that.

"The day I told Providence I was going to take the job and then I stopped by the clubhouse and you showed me the new businesses the club had bought. How you were adding on to the garage and you would be the sole owner, the day our lives turned around."

Holding his breath Jax knows his mother is a touchy subject with Tara. "Do you really think she would do this to you?"

"You've met your mother haven't you? The woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Yes Jax, I believe she would! We already know how she gets when she feels like SHE is entitled to something especially our children and you! We had cut her out of our lives. If I go to prison then she thinks you will need her to take care of you and the boys. Jax if you tell me I am imagining this I swear to god I will leave your ass AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF PRISON!"

_That went well_. "Tara, I didn't say I didn't believe you I know my mother has gone off of the deep end. I'm just asking you if that's what you really believe? We're not going to have to worry about Gemma because I'm going to do any and everything to get the charge against you dropped. You aren't going to prison."

_I knew Jax wouldn't believe me he never does when it comes to his mother. Why do I even bother anymore?_ "Yeah, whatever... I need to take a shower and get dressed then kiss my boys goodbye before I have to turn myself in. So if you don't mind I would like to be alone."

"Yes I do mind. Hey." Wanting Tara to look into his eyes and see the truth and believe him. "I know you're scared. Hell I am scared too. I love you babe and I don't want to fight before you have to go. I promise I will keep an eye on my mother where the boys are concerned."

"I don't want her near my children Jax. I mean it. I don't care how long I'm in, she's not to be around them. If you don't believe me about her trying to set me up then believe me she's going to be trying to get close to you and the boys. Keep her away she has proved time and time again she can't be trusted. She's drunk and stoned all the time. She is a wreck and could have killed our boys. Can you promise me that Jax? Can you promise me you will keep her away? I don't care if I never get out of prison, I don't want her around the boys trying to take my place after she's the one who sent me there in the first place."

"Yes, babe I promise I won't let Gemma back around the boys and no one's going to take your place." Jax is serious. No one will ever take Tara's place. Jax agrees the boys shouldn't be around his mother, she's unstable, but to think Gemma's responsible for Tara going to jail, possibly prison, Jax doesn't want to believe it.

Jax walks to the door. "I'm going to go talk to Ally and let you get ready. You have plenty of time take a long hot shower if you want. Just come out whenever you're ready."

"Okay, I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. I'll be out in a little bit." Tara solemnly looks back over her shoulder at Jax.

Jax turns to leave- he freezes... his hand hovers over the door knob, he looks back over his shoulder at Tara standing with her back to him. Jax comes up behind Tara and wraps his arms around her laying his face in the crook of her neck savoring the smell of sweet peas knowing he won't smell this again until Tara's back home with him where she belongs. Placing light kisses up the side of Tara's neck, Jax whispers in her ear, his hot breath causes Tara to shiver. "You know I love you right?" Tara nods. Turning Tara in his arms Jax takes her by the nape of her neck pulling her closer to him. With his thumbs on her jaw Jax slightly tilts Tara's head back. Jax lavishes Tara's mouth with his. Jax's mouth begs Tara to open so his tongue can meet with hers. Tara opens her mouth as Jax's tongue slips through her parted lips, he groans. Jax can feel himself getting hard again. Jax doesn't know how she does it but Tara stirs things up inside of him that no one else ever has. There's so much Jax wants to say to her but he can't tear away from her mouth it feels soft and warm, just too damn good. As much as he doesn't want to Jax gradually breaks away from Tara then kisses her forehead and slowly leaves the room shutting the door behind him.

Before Jax goes back in the kitchen to talk to Ally he stops in the hallway and looks back at his bedroom door. _Does Tara really think my mother would set her up for murder...? Sure, Gemma has done a lot of things to Tara in the past, but set her up to go to prison? Gemma's capable of doing it but would she do it? Would she really do that to Tara... to our family? Gemma wouldn't hurt Tara. Gemma loves family too much and Tara's family. No, Gemma wouldn't do that. Tara's emotions are like a roller coaster she's hurt and scared, she's just not thinking clearly. Right now I have to stand by my wife. Tara's already starting to crumble. I can't let her leave here thinking I don't believe in her when it's my fault she's going to prison in the first place._

Jax walks into the kitchen and sits down at the table. "Is she alright?" Ally asks him.

Jax shakes his head. "No... she's getting ready and then she's gonna kiss the boys goodbye. I hope they stay asleep if they wake up I'll never be able to get them quieted down and her out of here."

"I'll do everything to get her out on bail and get back home and then get these charges dropped. I found out earlier from a friend who works in the DA's office they have a statement from someone that clearly states Tara purposely went into the prison with the cross to give to Otto to kill the nurse. The statement is sealed I don't know who it is and we won't find out until we go to trial. I'm letting you know up front Jax things don't look good for Tara. I'm going to do everything I can to get the charge against her dropped. I've called in an old law school buddy of mine he has more experience in this type of charge to help me. The first thing we have to do is get Tara out on bail then find out who has given this statement and what it says."

Jax nods_. Fuck. Is the statement from Gemma? The only thing I can do right now is what I promised Tara- I'll look after the boys and keep them away from anyone who has a chance of having the measles and I won't let Gemma anywhere near the boys while Tara's locked up. I'll have to let the club look into this statement and see what they can find out. I am sure the guys don't mind getting their hands a little dirty if need be-especially for Tara._

Jax and Ally sit in the eerie quiet house neither say a word- there's nothing more to say. Tara appears in the doorway of the motionless kitchen watching Jax and Ally quietly sit at the table. The deafening silence sends chills through Tara's body. Jax and Ally look up at Tara she has changed into jeans and a tank top with a hoodie draped over her arm. Tara walks over to the table not making eye contact with either one. The silence is killing Tara "Well... I guess I'm ready to go." Jax looks up and Tara stammers. "I... I... forgot something. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." Tara turns around and quickly disappears back down the hall.

Ally looks at Jax and Jax shakes his head. He knows Tara's anxious to leave and get away from him. Jax can see it in her eyes, flight, she's ready to run. Tara doesn't trust Jax to stand by her and believe in her. Just because Tara's ready to bolt, doesn't mean he's ready for her to leave yet. Jax doesn't want Tara to leave now he wants to hold on to her every minute he can before she has to leave.

Jax and Ally remain sitting quietly at the table waiting for Tara to return, each lost in their own thoughts when there's a knock at the door. Jax and Ally quickly look at each other Jax gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach. _Who can this be?_ Jax looks at the clock on the wall_. It's 11 p.m., a little late for visitors if it was the club they would have called first besides we didn't hear any bikes._ Jax looks at Ally again this time she shakes her head. Jax haltingly gets up to answer the door. Jax takes a dreaded breath and turns the handle and slowly cracks open the door. Jax is shocked to see Gemma standing there with a big smile on her face. _What in the hell is she doing here?_ "Ma what are you doing out so late?"

Gemma's almost giddy. "I knew you would want me to come over and help you with the boys."

"Why would I need help with the boys, their asleep?" Jax asked her suspiciously.

"Well with Tara gone you need me to stay with the boys while you're at the club," Gemma says as she tries to walk around Jax.

Jax stops her from opening the door. "Where has Tara gone Ma?"

"To prison of course," Gemma smiles with glee and chuckles.

"Why would you think Tara's in prison? Who told you that?" _ Tara might be right after all. _Jax blocks Gemma from coming all the way in the house.

"I have a friend who works in county and they said Tara was arrested today." Jax knows that's bullshit Gemma doesn't have friends.

Jax looks over his shoulder at Ally shaking her head. Jax turns back to Gemma. "Ma you need to go home. It's getting late. You don't need to be out driving this late at night you might have another accident. I know you don't want that to happen." Jax is serious he doesn't want his mother to have another accident and get hurt.

"You're right it is late. I should just stay here tonight. That way I'll already be here in the morning when you need to leave." Gemma tries to push and get around Jax but only manages to get her head in.

"No Mom... you need to leave now and go home and stay away from here. I'll come by to see you sometime tomorrow when I get free."

"Have you got one of the club whores in there with you? Is that why you won't let me in? You know it isn't anything I haven't seen before."

"No, I don't need or have any whores with me. Go home and I'll stop by tomorrow."

Gemma will settle for that. "Okay I'll fix dinner and you can bring the boys over and we can eat and visit like old times."

Jax looks over his shoulder to see Tara walking in. Tara hears Gemma and she immediately jumps to the wrong conclusion. Jax can see rage in Tara's eyes. Before Tara can say anything Jax tries to push Gemma away from the door so he can shut it. "Goodnight mom."

"Can I kiss see my grandsons before I leave?" Again Gemma tries to get past Jax in the house but Jax grabs Gemma's arm before she can get all the way in the house. One thing's for sure, Gemma's persistent.

It's too late Gemma sees Tara. "Aw shit." Jax hangs his head. "No mom. You need to leave, and leave now before I have to throw you out.

"Tara, what are you doing here? I thought you were arrested today?" Gemma says looking at Tara with an all assuring gleam in Gemma's eyes.

Tara's hurt and furious. "What the hell is she doing here Jax? You couldn't wait until I left?"

Gemma laughs. "Tara you should know by now I'm going to take care of MY boys while you are in prison."

Jax steps in before fists start flying. "Mom you're not going to be taking care of anyone except yourself. You need to leave, now." Jax means every word he said. Jax has been worried about his mother but Gemma's going to have to start taking care of herself. Jax has two small boys to look after and he doesn't have time to look after a fifty-five year old baby starving for attention. And NO ONE is taking care of his boys but him. He isn't going to let them out of his sight. Jax's going to keep his family together like his wife did for him when he was in prison. Besides he knows how to take care of his own boys he doesn't need anyone's help.

"We'll see. Don't be late for dinner I am fixing a roast and don't forget to bring MY boys." Gemma laughs. "Why don't you just spend the night, there won't be any reason for you to come back here? Or there won't be ANYONE to come back to." Gemma looks at Tara and sneers. "Do you need me to do anything at the club?"

"No mom. I just need for you to leave."

Jax pushes Gemma out the door before Tara can get her hands on Gemma and kill Gemma. Tara would definitely be spending time in prison then. No. No she wouldn't. It would just be another body that will never be found.

Jax is exhausted both physically and mentally. He doesn't want to look at Tara's heartbroken face but he also doesn't want her leaving here feeling like she does. "Tara, don't say it. The boys aren't going over there. I'm not going to have dinner with her, I'm going to talk to her and get some things straight about her boundaries. She will not be anywhere around the boys I promise."

Tara doesn't believe him, she feels defeated. _What does it matter? I'll never see them again anyway. Gemma's gotten what wants, 'her boys' I should've never thought I could escape this hellhole. My life has been doomed since the day Jax Teller smiled at me._ "Okay Jax whatever you say. It doesn't matter what I say or want anymore. Ally, are you ready to go?"

Ally is torn. She sees a brilliant young doctor whose surgical career has been ruined by the hands of this family. Tara may lose her medical license and never be able to practice medicine again, but Tara may also lose the one thing that means more to her than her career; her family. All in the name of love… sometimes love isn't that great after all.

Ally tries to smile. "I'm ready whenever you are. How about we stop at the diner and get a bite before we go to the station. They still haven't called about the warrant and we can talk over a few things that are going to happen? They can call us when the warrant is issued. Ally turns to Jax. "I'll talk to you later Jax call me if you need me." Ally nods her head and Jax nods back understanding its best to get Tara out of here for her own sake before she breaks down.

Tara nods. "Then let's go." Tara walks up to Jax but can't look at him she turns and walks out the door. When she gets through the door tears start flowing down her cheeks she knows she has lost her family forever.

Jax watches Tara walk out Jax's hurt Tar wouldn't kiss him or tell him goodbye. Jax sees how defeated Tara looks and he knows Tara's crying her eyes out. He can tell by the slump of her shoulders and the way her head is bowed. Jax also knows his girl is tough she'll stop crying once she gets away from the house. Tara has looked a madman in the eye who had a knife to her throat and she never blinked. Tara will have time to compose herself on the way to the diner and get her shit together before she turns herself in. She'll walk in the station with her head held high she'll not let them see her weak.

The only people she's not afraid to show her vulnerability is Jax and the boys. They're the only ones that'll ever see a tear or any self-doubt. That has always been the case with Jax and Tara they're the only ones they can be themselves with. All the years they were apart they never found anyone who could take the other's place but just as soon as Jax saw Tara at the hospital it all changed. Jax has someone who knows the real Jax Teller, someone he can be himself with again. Eli told Jax earlier Jax can come to see Tara tomorrow. Eli also told Jax he and Unser are working on Tara's case on their own time. Jax has promised Tara a beautiful life and he's still going to give it to her.

Jax figures now it's time to call his VP and fill him in on tonight's events. First thing in the morning Jax needs to find out who has been vaccinated for measles.

Jax decides to call Unser to see if he has any thoughts on this witness and to verify he and Eli are working on this together. Unser has always been a smart man who knows how to cut through the bullshit and see what's right in front of him. But Unser is also a Gemma ally, Jax will have to keep an eye on that and make sure Tara is Unser's first priority. This is too important for Unser to be running around with his nose stuck up Gemma's ass and not doing what he has promised to do.

Jax feels a little more at ease after he talks to Unser and Unser tells Jax he is talking to Eli now. Jax lets him go so they can get back to what they're doing knowing Eli will have to get back to the station when the warrant finally comes through for Tara's arrest. Eli has already said he will be the one to arrest and read Tara her rights trying to keep it less stressful and embarrassing for her.

After taking a moment to contact Chibs he finds that Kerrianne and Fiona are fine; they were required to update their vaccinations before moving from Ireland. Lyla and the kids have had their vaccinations too. Jax breaths easier knowing he has some help but he doesn't want to have to leave the boys tomorrow they're going to ask questions and want to know where Mommy is and why she's not home. Jax wants to keep his boys close to him they help keep him calm and Jax needs them now and they need him. Neeta won't be back for another week he could call her and ask her to come home but he's a capable father he can do it.

Jax calls it a night he turns out the lights and heads to his bedroom looking in on the boys along the way. When Jax walks into his and Tara's bedroom he can't help but smile and shake his head this afternoon's 'love session' playing in his head as he strips down and crawls into their bed surrounding his self with Tara's scent. Tara had told him when he was in prison she would wrap her arms around Jax's pillow using it as a substitute for him. Grabbing Tara's pillow and holding it to his left side with his arm wrapped around it, Jax lowers his head smelling Tara's fragrance mixed in with the scent of love still lingering in the air from earlier this evening.

Jax laughs and wonders what in the hell happened to him this afternoon? Jax doesn't like not being in control of his body. At one time he wanted to bang his head against the headboard his orgasm was so strong. He didn't think it was possible to feel something like that, of course Tara is the only one able to do that to him. It must have been some kind of a sign. Jax isn't sure what kind of sign but it definitely was a sign of some sort. Shaking his head Jax shuts his eyes and squeezes Tara's pillow tightly to his side with tears in his eyes _Jax thinks, yeah it's a sign alright, a sign Tara's the only woman for me, and I love my wife immensely._


	5. Chapter 5

Tara has a restless first night in jail from the cot being hard, the lights are giving her a headache and she has been sick on her stomach all night. Around one a.m. Tara starts to feel like she's going to vomit. Charming PD's cells aren't meant to hold anyone for any length of time therefore there aren't any toilets in the cells Tara gets the deputy's attention.

As degrading as it is to be in jail, being on the cold tiled bathroom floor for four hours with her head hanging in the toilet puking and heaving her guts up as a deputy stands by strips away any dignity Tara has managed to obtain during this ordeal.

Exhausted and ready to get off the hard bathroom floor Tara thinks she will finally be alright to lie down on the cot in her cell. She only gets as far as the door before diving back to the toilet where she takes up residency for the rest of the early morning hours.

Eli, being informed by deputies of Tara's current condition, tells the deputies to let her stay in the bathroom and to take her a pillow and blanket to make her more comfortable. Eli brings hot tea and toast when he comes to work for Tara to help settle her upset stomach. When Eli, was first called him in the middle of the night he thought it was just Tara's nerves making her sick. Taking in Tara's peaked appearance Eli knows Tara's really sick. Not sure what to do he can't let Tara stay in the bathroom unguarded all of the time and can't let leave her in the cell so sick. Eli's also worried Tara could possibly have the measles and decides he needs to take Tara to the hospital.

Eli gets one of his deputies to follow them to the hospital so the deputy can stand guard over Tara. Not that Eli expects Tara to leave Eli just wants to make sure he does everything by the book so there's no reason for anyone to claim Tara had preferential treatment due to her status with SAMCRO and use it against her. On the way to the hospital Eli calls Margaret Murphy to notifying her he is on his way there with Tara and she's very sick.

Waiting for Eli, when he pulls up to the emergency entrance is, Margaret, and a nurse with a wheelchair ready to take Tara to an exam room immediately. Margaret takes in Tara's ghastly appearance when the passenger's door opens. Margaret turns on Eli. "Why didn't you call ambulance? Look at her she's barely conscious and burning up with fever. Why did you wait so long before bringing her in?" Margaret stands with her hands on her hips and her head cocked sideways looking up over the rim of her glasses at the lieutenant waiting impatiently for him to answer.

Eli looks down at the woman standing in front of him and he has to admit she intimidates him. "She was conscious when we left the station. As soon as I got to the station and saw her I brought her in immediately." Knowing it's a weak excuse but it's his only defense.

Margaret huffs. "Tell me lieutenant, do you have a bunch of imbeciles working for you that they can't tell when a woman is deathly ill? And these are the same men who are supposed to be protecting my family? Well let me tell you something lieutenant, I feel safer with SAMCRO's protection than I do with your... your... band of idiots. Tara is a physician and she deserves respect!"

Before Eli has a chance to defend 'his band of idiots' Margaret has already left hot on the heels of the wheelchair transporting Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller.

Waiting in the waiting room, Eli sits with forearms on his knees bent over rubbing his throbbing temples already getting a headache from these trumped up charges against Tara and he knows this is just the beginning. He's also hoping Jax/SAMCRO doesn't show up and start breathing down his neck for not getting Tara to the hospital sooner. That alone makes his head throb more.

Margaret stops when she enters the waiting room looking around for Eli, when she finally spots him she makes her way over to him. "The attending physician is admitting Tara. We're keeping her here where she can be properly looked after." Margaret glares at Eli. "Tara's body has started violently convulsing. She is dehydrated, she needs fluids and nutrients her body has lost and she is also being given medicine to stop the nausea. There is a possibility this is due to her nerves pertaining to her recent incarceration but more than likely she has some sort of virus not measles. Of course we won't know anything until all the tests have been completed and we have the results.

Eli rubs his face with his hands knowing this day is just beginning and the rest of it running smoothly doesn't look promising. "Is she conscious?"

"NO." There's no way in hell I'm letting him talk to Tara after the state she was in when she got here; when she was in his care. "The medicines she's being given for nausea and her convulsions have thankfully knocked her out and she's peacefully resting now and will be the remainder of the day and hopefully on through the night. She needs to rest." Margaret snarls at Eli giving him a look that would make any man's balls shrink.

Eli knows when to concede, and it would be in everyone's best interest if he concedes now. Plus he knows there's no way this bulldog will let him get to Tara. But just because Eli's conceding he still has a job to do. Eli holds up his hands. "Ms. Murphy, we both have Tara's best interest here. I was not aware of Tara's dire condition until I got to the station this morning. Yes, I should have been notified of the severity of her illness and rest assured appropriate disciplinary action will be taken. I'm not going to bother Tara, I already have her statement. I just need to make sure Tara's in a secure surrounding while she's here in the hospital, just as much for her own welfare to keep her safe as it is to keep her contained. Everything has to be done by the book. Tara can not be shown any special preference while she's here in the hospital. I hope you can understand that. I don't want to do anything that's going to come back and hurt Tara."

Margaret nods and extracts her claws. "Tara will be isolated for the time being. We aren't quarantining her until we find out if she has the measles or not, we are keeping her away from other patients until we know what she has so it can't spread. Visitors will be limited and there is plenty of room for the guard you post at her door and whoever SAMRO sends also. If I were you I would be more concerned for your own well-being after Jax Teller finds out Tara's condition." Margaret sneers at the Lieutenant disgusted with the way Tara has been handled.

Not giving Eli a chance to respond, Margaret turns on her heel to go call Jax and let him know what's going on with his wife, seeing how no one else has cared to do so. Margaret walks into her office and closes the door shutting out the outside world so she can concentrate on the call she's getting ready to make.

* * *

Abel lies on the living room floor coloring while his daddy fixes him a snack since his baby brother is still asleep. When his daddy's phone rings Abel runs to his daddy hoping it's his mommy. Able, needs to talk to her, he has to tell her something. Jax sees Abel's hopeful face as Jax answers the phone, Jax knows it isn't who Abel desperately wants it to be and that's another kick in the gut knowing he, himself is the cause of his son's disappointment. Jax smiles when he sees the familiar number flash on the screen and figures she must be checking in on Jax and the boys while Tara isn't here. "Hello."

"Jax, this is Margaret. I'm calling to let you know Tara was brought to the emergency room this morning. She was semiconscious when she got here and running a fever of 104. Evidently this had been going on all night. Her stomach had already emptied itself of all its contents and causing it to start violently spasm."

Margaret closes her eyes bracing herself for the booming voice of Jax Teller on the other end. When it doesn't come, she continues. "We're keeping her in an isolated room off the fourth floor but she won't be quarantined, just kept away from other patients until we find out if she has the measles." Margaret takes a breath so she can get the next part out before he finally lets his emotions loose. "Honestly, Jax, this is the best place for Tara. She still has a guard at her door but she isn't in the incarceration ward which gives her visitors more leeway on when they can come and go. We both know her self-esteem has all but diminished maybe if she's here in the hospital and not in a cell, she'll feel a little better."

Jax clears his voice. "Ahem." Jax tries counting to three like Tara has always tells him to do with the boys. Thank you for looking out for her Margaret. When did the ambulance bring her in?" Jax doesn't use Tara's name so he won't upset the little boy standing by him who is already asking for his mommy,

Margaret shuts her eyes. "Eli brought her in."

Jax starts to pace back and forth in his living room. "So he brought her when she started getting sick?"

"You need to talk to Eli. I can't give you the answers you're looking for Jax. I can just guarantee you the staff here is taking care of Tara and we will do anything we can to keep her here with us as long as we can."

"Thank you Margaret, for looking out for her. Please tell her I love here and I'll be there as soon as I find someone to stay with the boys. You better add someone who has been vaccinated."

Margaret smiles knowing Tara's first concern will always be her boys. "You're welcome Jax. I'll pass the message on."

As soon as Jax hangs up Eli calls. "Hello."

"Jax, this is Eli, I'm calling to let you know we had to take Tara to the hospital this morning. She had been vomiting all night so we took her the first thing this morning. The hospital has admitted her and she'll stay there until she gets better. There is a guard posted at her door but you can see her whenever you want."

Jax doesn't mention to Eli Margaret has already called him. "If she was sick all night then why did you wait until this morning to take her?" Jax believes Eli and Unser are going to work hard to get the bogus charges against Tara dropped, but Jax got the feeling from Margaret something is amiss.

Eli knows he isn't going to get out of this mess without giving Jax more information. "I wasn't informed how sick Tara was during the night. When I got to the station this morning I saw how sick she really was and put her in the car and drove her right to the hospital."

"Your men can't tell when someone is sick? Why didn't you call an ambulance if she was so sick?" Jax's temper is starting to flare and then he looks down and sees his identical eyes looking back at him with furrowed brows as Abel listens to every word Jax says. Jax changes his tone. "Thank you Eli for handling that for me."

Eli's confused but he has never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. "You're welcome Jax. I'll talk to you later." Eli hangs ups and lets out a sigh of relief.

Jax looks down and smiles at Abel, and ruffles up his hair then Jax bends and picks him up. "Come on buddy let's go get something to eat." Abel nods and smiles.


	6. Chapter 6

Phil is chosen to come and stay with the boys after Jax called around finding out who has had their vaccinations so Jax can go and see Tara. Lyla's working, Kerrianne's in school and Fiona's having to work at The Crow's Nest, the boutique Fiona and Tara own together, since Tara's unable to. Tig's available and so is Juice but Jax's worried about the measles and he knows Phil has had his vaccination and is close to the boys. Besides, Phil knows the boys probably better than anyone else altogether since living with Jax's family when Jax was in prison and while Tara was recovering with her hand. Jax wants things to be as normal as they possibly can while Tara's away.

As soon as Phil gets to Jax's house Jax takes off for the hospital to see Tara. When he walks in the hospital Jax is surprised to see Unser. "Hey Jax, I was waiting for you, I want to talk to Tara about her troubles." Jax knows Unser isn't talking about her health. Jax knows Unser will do what he can to help and protect Tara.

"Sure man, come on and let's go see our girl." Jax leads the way to Tara's room.

When Jax and Unser walk into Tara's room they're taken back by how bad Tara looks. "Shit." Tara has an IV in her left arm and her right arm is hugging a pail Jax guesses it's so she can vomit in. Tara's almost green looking, _god is she that sick_? Unser must have been thinking the same thing because Unser looks at Jax worriedly. Jax walks over to her bedside, she's asleep, but as it has been since they were sixteen Tara can feel Jax's presence and opens her eyes.

She smiles weakly at Jax, "Hey."

"Hey yourself how are you feeling?"

"Not too good, I'm just so weak the medicine they're giving me makes me sleep."

Jax knows by looking in her eyes Tara isn't feeling good. "What do they think is wrong with you?"

"They think it is just nerves but Jax I have been in many situations in my life where I was nervous but this isn't nerves. I don't know what it is but I feel like I've been poisoned."

Knowing the life they've lived and knowing there are still people out there who would like to get even with Jax for one reason or the other, poisoning his old lady wouldn't necessarily be unheard of or impossible.

Unser goes around to the other side of Tara's bed and he takes her hand in his and pats her hand. "Now young lady I would ask you how you feel, but you look like I do after my chemo treatments."

She smiles weakly, "Thanks chief. What brings you two good looking men around here?"

Jax knows she's definitely delirious because Tara doesn't talk shit to anyone she's always so serious. "Just came by to see my pretty girl," Jax smiles.

Finally Unser speaks up. "Tara I need to ask you some questions are you feeling up to it?" He hasn't had a chance to speak to Tara since her arrest the night before.

"I'm really tried. I know you're doing all that you can to help me but I just can't think right now, all I want to do is sleep. Jax I'm thirsty can you go get me a ginger ale please?"

"Sure babe, I'll be right back. Can you stay with her chief? I want to find her doctor and talk to him too and find out how she is."

"Sure thing take as long as you need I don't mind staying with our girl."

Jax leans down to kiss Tara and she moves her head. "Until we know what this is I don't want the boys to get it." He smiles at Tara and blows her a kiss and she smiles at him.

As soon as the door closes behind Jax Unser squeezes Tara's hand. "What do you know? You didn't just send Jax out of here for some ginger ale."

With venom Tara hisses. "You know just as well as I do Gemma's the one behind all of this. I can't say anything to Jax he won't take me serious and will try to argue she wouldn't do this to me but both of us know she would and did!"

"I believe you sweetheart. And I'm afraid you're right, but I have to figure out how this is happening. It doesn't matter what we think, we have to prove it."

Tara sighs, "I've been trying to think. Gemma claims she found out I was going to be arrest from a friend. You know just as well as I do Gemma doesn't have any real friends, well except for you."

"No, I'm afraid that ship has already sailed. Gemma isn't anyone's friend, it's always about her. Our friendship ended a while ago."

Tara agreed. "The club, Jax and the boys are the only things she cares about. I thought of only one person who could get info for SAMCRO before but I don't think she would do it anymore. Otto's sister works somewhere in the system because they would call her sometimes for info on what's happening."

Unser scratches his head. "Yeah she does, but after Otto killed the nurse, the nurse's brother, Lee Toric, has been terrorizing her family. She has washed her hands of Otto and everyone associated with him but she's not in a position where she can help us, she's just a clerk. We'll have to keep our eyes open."

The door swings opens as Jax strolls in with a ginger ale and a smile on his face. Jax picks a straw up from Tara's bedside table and tears the paper off before putting it in her ginger ale. Bringing the straw to Tara's lips so she can take a sip Jax says. "The doc seems to think this is some kind of virus but with you as sick as you are and this measles outbreak they're going to keep a close eye on you."

Unser excuses himself and leaves. "I'm going go and let the two of you talk. You take care sweetie and if you need anything just call."

Tara smiles weakly and nods. "Okay chief I will."

Jax strokes Tara's head and moves her hair out of her eyes. "You're tired you need some sleep babe."

"Yeah I am, but I don't want to go to sleep, you'll leave and I miss you. Oh god I sound so whiny and needy." Tara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and sighs.

Jax smirks, "You can be as whiny and needy as you want Babe. I won't tell anyone, I promise. I'll stay here awhile go ahead and get some rest. If I'm gone when you wake up then I'll be back later. Your doctor said you'll be in here for at least five days or possibly longer. When we find out this virus isn't contagious then I can bring the boys in to see you."

Jax's soft voice lulls Tara asleep as she mumbles "okay" she slips into deep slumber. Jax stands at Tara's bedside looking down at his wife noting how peaked and pale she looks. Her eyes are starting to look sunken with dark circles around them. This is really starting to worry Jax but Tara's doctor said she hasn't had any nausea in the last hour and that's better than it has been since the early morning hours. Jax gently kisses the top of Tara's head and a small smile crosses her lips as he watches her sleep. Jax stands by Tara's bed side a little longer to make sure she has fallen into a deep sleep before he leaves her. Tara's doctor told Jax the medicine Tara's on will make her sleep most of the day and possibly on into the night. They're going to start giving Tara broth and other fluids to see if she can keep anything down yet.

Once Jax sees Tara's going to stay asleep Jax quietly heads for the door. Before leaving, he turns around to look at Tara one last time. He sees how vulnerable and small Tara looks lying there, Jax would like nothing more than to crawl into the bed with her and hold her close to him but Jax knows he can't and that makes the desire stronger. They have to be careful and make sure the boys don't catch this virus. There's no way Jax can handle two sick little boys and the only thing they'll want is their mommy.

Once out of Tara's room Jax digs his phone out of his pocket and calls Happy. "Hap I want someone here at the hospital with Tara. She has a guard at her door but I would feel better if we have someone here too. I don't want some flunky prospect who doesn't know shit about how to protect her if he had to. I want a patched brother. If we can't, then call Tacoma and let them know we need bodies. I'm sure they'll be glad to come for the pay."

"Okay Jax, how is she?"

"Asleep they're giving her something for nausea and it's making her sleep. Oh, Hap."

"Yeah?"

"Whoever it is you send, tell them no one gets in unless it's SAMCRO or Unser and not to bother her. She needs her rest." Jax heads home to see the boys and make sure they're okay, and also make sure Gemma hasn't been by trying to get in to see them. Jax promised Tara he wouldn't let Gemma around the boys and he means it.

* * *

In late afternoon Lee Toric slips into Tara's hospital room. He heard she had been transported here after getting sick her first night in jail. He came to see what's going on for himself. The sight before him is disturbing. Tara's bent over the bed retching into a garbage pail. Lee can't help but be taken back by Tara's appearance, she looks nothing like the confident young doctor he spoke to a little over three months ago. Lee walks over and gets a washcloth from the bathroom and runs it under the cold water, wrings it out so he can place it on the back of Tara's neck. He then gathers Tara's hair out of her face while she is heaving. Lee, thinks Tara looks like a small wounded animal, but also like a woman exhausted and beat down to the core. What Lee notices first is Tara's not afraid of him. Lee Toric finds this to be the most intriguing thing about her now.

When Tara's stomach finally calms down Lee asks her. "Are feeling any better? I heard you were transferred here and I guess curiosity got the best of me and I had to come and see if you were really sick or not. I can see you aren't faking it."

"I wish I was," Tara answers with what little energy she has.

"I understand someone's intent on seeing you rot the rest of your life away in prison. I've been trying to figure out who that someone might be, and if they have anything to do with my sister's death."

Tara looks at Lee skeptically, wondering why he would try to help her. "I really wish I knew because it looks like they're going to get their wish."

"What about Otto's beloved SAMCRO? He's a member could that have something to do with it?"

"SAMCRO?" Tara asks. No SAMCRO itself has nothing to do with me being here. Otto is trying to hurt SAMCRO through me and I was too naïve to see it. I just needed to feel like I was doing something good for others and by volunteering, I thought I was. I've been lost, it's impossible to operate the way my hand is now. I haven't felt needed, I had to do something. It has been painful being at the hospital and not able to do what I have spent years training to do; save babies' lives. I've had to take another position and I feel like I've been demoted and it hurts." Which is the truth, she has been lost. Not able to find her way since her hand has been crushed. Being at the prison- Jax and the club think she did it for them and that's partially it, but the truth is she did it for herself.

Tara lies back against the cool sheets with the washcloth on her forehead. "Jax had been shanked when he was in prison and I know how awful his care was. I was stupid enough to think I could make a difference, and help people but all I did was cause someone to get killed." Tears run freely down her cheeks. Tara's exhausted and her world around her has crashed at her feet.

"Tara, I've known from the first I came to your office and asked you what happened that you have been nothing but forthright with me. I could see the needless guilt you're carrying. This is not your fault. I know that for sure." Tara looks at Lee like he's lost his damn mind. "What I don't know is who's involved in this with Otto and why they're trying to pin this wrap on you. I don't believe you're just some random person they're pinning this on. There's some reason they want you out of the picture."

"I've told you everything I know and what exactly happened. I wish I knew more. If I did I would to tell you."

"I believe you, but why do you think Otto's trying to send a message through you?"

"He blames the club for his wife's murder."

"Go on I'm listening."

"Otto's wife, Luann was a retired porn star who owned her own production company, Cara Cara. She needed help from the club and the club needed money. She was being hassled by some porn King Georgie Caruso. He was threatening and roughing up some of Luann's girls trying to get the girls to come and work for him. He attacked some of the girls."

"He broke into Cara Cara and stole some cameras and a laptop that had the rough cuts they had done for some movies and evidently it was a big deal. Jax and some of the guys went and got the merchandise back that was taken. Georgie was pissed so he killed Luann, he didn't just kill her he beat her to death with a baseball bat. Georgie saw Luann as competition and he wanted her talent, or should I say 'porn stars' and he was pissed because she was getting protection from the club. Otto blamed the club more specifically Jax for Luann's death."

Tara shutters thinking of the whole Cara Cara deal and the porn sluts especially one in particular. "The club would never hurt Luann she was the nicest, sweetest person you'd ever meet. Porn queen or not Luann was genuine. So Otto killing your sister the way he did was to punish Jax by taking Jax's wife away from him. Which I am afraid that's exactly what he did and unfortunately your sister paid the price with her life."

"I take it SAMCRO took care of this Caruso guy since I haven't been able to find him?"

Tara looks at Lee with squinted curious eyes. "How did you know about Caruso?

"I read Otto's file. And read a copy of the investigation into Mrs. Delany's death."

"I don't know for sure what happened to Georgie. I heard he left the country the day after Luann was murdered. I think I remember hearing them, the club, talk about him coming back I can't say for sure if they found him, but if they did then yes he's dead."

"Is there anyone who would want you to pay for this happening to Otto?"

"No. Not that I know of." Tara's screaming in her mind, no but my mother-in-law will do anything to get rid of me.

* * *

Lee and Tara are deep in conversation and they don't hear the door open when Jax comes in. Jax doesn't know which is more terrifying- seeing Lee Toric standing by Tara's bed wiping her brow as he talks to her or what he hears next.

"Do you think your husband has anything to do with the troubles you're in now and wants to send you away?"

"Jaax? No." Tara shakes her head. "Jax isn't behind this, I'm sure of that. That's the only thing I'm sure of."

"If he is so loyal then why was he sleeping around on you before?"

"That has been two years ago and it was at a difficult time." Tara cringes, thinking back to that fateful morning in the clubhouse. "Don't think I'm excusing his behavior because there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about it. When I look at myself in the mirror asking myself if he really was into her, why did he do it, was she better and more experienced than me? The questions plague me every day but one thing I know for sure is Jax's not behind this. He loves our boys too much to send their mother to prison."

Jax is floored he had no idea Tara still thinks about him and Ima. _The pain she's putting herself through, the pain I'm still putting her through for my major fuck up. Tara doesn't trust easily and I had been the one and only one she did, until that morning. I planted the seed of doubt and it will always be there no matter how hard she and I try it will never be the same. If Tara would only realize I don't have any desire for any woman but her. Hell I don't even look at other women the same way as I used to. _

_Flirting is second nature to me it has nothing to do with Tara and how much I love her. It's just a game for me seeing the reaction I get from women with just a wink or a 'Darling' it has never been about Tara._ Jax huffs. _Tara was too smart to fall for that shit. It's just the club mentality I grew up in with all the guys and their talk of women and what they could get women to do. I've always been told I get 'the Teller drop your panties smile' from my old man and I'm sure somewhere in my fucked up head it probably means something pertaining to wanting to be like him or some shit._

_The down side of the club being in the porn business was the effect it had on my home life. It wasn't just the porn bitches being around all the time not knowing their places. But the middle of the night emergencies being their bodyguards we couldn't have any time to ourselves. It was like they could sense if Tara and I had five minutes alone the phone would start ringing. I admit Tara was right all along it was just a ruse about the bitches needing protection. _

_Especially Ima. I really didn't want to be Ima's personal bodyguard and I should have put my foot down. But she was 'the money maker' and I was trying to prove to Clay the porn business was, a good money making legit business to be in. I knew Ima was just playing the whole Georgie thing to try to get close to me. I knew it and then my ego let it happen. I let Ima flaunt it in Tara's face and I stood by and did nothing. _

_I know if anything like that had been happening in Tara's life I would have killed them. I did kill someone, I killed Kohn. I can preach all day long it was about protecting Tara but I have to be honest with himself and admit the thought Kohn put his hands on what's mine is the reason I shot a hole in the middle of Kohn's forehead. Tara is mine and she will always be mine just like I will always be hers whether she likes it or not._

_I know I have to live with my 'indiscretion' but I wasn't aware of the extent it still bothers Tara._

Tara starts to get the tumbling feeling in her stomach again and leans over the side of the bed and starts heaving. Lee looks at her worriedly and tells her. "I'll call for the nurse again if she doesn't come this time I'll go get her it has been close to twenty minutes since we called her." Lee goes to the bathroom and wets the washcloth again.

When Tara regains her composure she says. "When you're a disgraced doctor charged with murder and married to a biker they tend to not give a shit about your needs. That's why I volunteered at the prison to try to help those others didn't want to." Tara lies back against the pillows and sighs. "Why are you being so nice to me when you are wreaking havoc everywhere else?"

That's exactly what Jax is wondering too.

"Because you're an innocent who has gotten caught in the middle of this quagmire but somehow you seem to be the key. It also involves Ima, one of the porn girls from Cara Cara that your husband's messing around with."

Tara looks at him horrified, "IMA?" Then leans over and starts heaving and crying.

Jax is pissed. He knows he hasn't had anything to do with Ima for two years. "What are you talking about? I'm not messing around with anyone except my wife? Why are you in here? What is it that you want from my wife?"

Lee turns around to see Jax standing there. Lee wonders, when did Jax come in? Lee has strong senses and can't believe he didn't hear Jax come in and didn't notice him in either. "I'm trying to find out the real reason my sister was killed. It seems to fall at the feet of your club and you! What I am trying to find out is why."

Jax goes over to Tara and gets Tara some water and wets her washcloth again. Jax still can't understand what Lee's interest in Tara is. This is his wife and he'll take care of her himself. Jax gets his phone out and starts dialing a number. "Hey this is Jax, Tara has been calling for a nurse for over thirty minutes and no one has come, okay thank you." Jax looks down at Tara and squeezes her hand. "A nurse will be here shortly babe."

Looking down in her eyes Jax can see a little bit of doubt. Jax knows Tara doesn't want to believe it but it's always hiding there just waiting to come out. With this arrest Tara's emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know what to think. "Babe look at me. You know I haven't been anywhere near Ima and you know she hasn't been around." Jax cups Tara's face in his hand and tilts it up until she's looking in his eyes. "You can't let all of this interfere with you keeping your head straight. You CAN NOT worry about this. Let us figure out how to get you out first. Then we can concentrate on why and take down whoever we need to then. Isn't that right Lee?" Jax asks never taking his eyes off his wife.

Lee stands back watching the exchange between husband and wife and Lee can see Jax is truly concerned about his wife. "Yes, Tara. The thing to concentrate on right now is getting bail set so we can get you out on bail. Then we'll break everything down and find out the truth and take care of them accordingly." Lee smiles at Tara hoping this will calm her fears.

Jax bends down kissing the top of his wife's head. "I love you babe, the first and most important thing is for you to get yourself better. You have to rest so you can get your strength back. I just talked to your doctor and he still says you'll be in here at least a week. So all you have to do is lie here and get better and quit worrying about everything around you. As soon as the doctors say I can bring the boys in to see you I'll bring them in."

Tara looks at Jax and gives him the best smile she can. "I know. I'm so exhausted Jax. Every part of my body hurts. I feel like my insides are turned inside out."

The doors to Tara's room fly open and startle them. Tara's doctor and a nurse come through the door with Margaret hot on their heels. Tara looks up at Jax he sheepishly smiles at her Tara knows now who Jax called. Jax tells her, "I'm going to go check on the boys I'll be right back.

"Who's with them?" Jax looks at Tara he knows she must be real sick because she hasn't asked about the boys until now but it isn't like she had a chance with the conversation they've been having.

"Phil is with them, he seems to be the best choice today from my pool of babysitters who have been vaccinated."

"Good, he's good with them and they love him. I'll be fine, go on home and be with them I'm tired."

Margaret speaks up. "Go on they'll be bringing her some broth up in a minute and she'll get something for her nausea and she should sleep for quite a while. I'll stay with her until she does we have some business to talk about."

Jax looks at his wife. "Okay I'll be back later on but I'm sending someone to stay with you in case you need anything. Now who do you want it to be Happy, Bobby, Chibs, Juice or Tig."

"Jax you don't have to do that."

Jax forcefully tells Tara. "Yes I do. You are not going to lay here for thirty minutes and not have someone to look after you."

"Okay well either Chibs or Tig whichever one you don't need. But this is menial job for the VP isn't it?"

"No, not at all this is the most important job he could do. I'll surprise you. Lee and I are going to go talk about some things you rest, I love you." Jax gives her the rest of her water he's holding. Jax knows he can't kiss Tara because she might be contagious but he wants nothing more than to kiss her lovingly, one of their kisses letting the other know how they're truly feeling. Instead he has to settle for a kiss to the top of her head.

"I love you, kiss the boys for me."

"I will and I love you too." Jax and Lee start to walk out of the room and head to the chapel Lee turns back. "Tara you take care of yourself and leave the rest to us. Get some sleep now so you can get your strength back." Tara nods as Lee turns and follows Jax to the chapel.


	7. Chapter 7

Jax and Lee head to the chapel to talk. Jax looks through the little window on the door, he sees a young couple in the front of the chapel praying. Jax stares Toric down as they wait in the corridor outside the chapel doors for the couple to leave. Jax is fuming, _how dare, that asshole question my wife in the condition she's in, and bring up an incident that almost ripped us apart. I'll feel guilty forever for the pain and humility I caused Tara, I don't need an asshole like Toric to bring it up and remind her of it, especially now._

Suddenly the chapel doors start to open jarring Jax out of his thoughts. Jax and Toric grab the chapel doors to allow the young husband who has his hysterically sobbing wife wrapped protectively in his arms to pass through. The husband's tear filled eyes lock with Jax's when the husband nods his head in thanks a cold eerie chill down runs down Jax's spine.

Stunned Jax walks with Toric through the chapel doors. Jax looks back through the little window watching the young couple walk away. Making sure no one else is coming Jax locks the door. Jax doesn't want anyone to interrupt the conversation that's getting ready to take place. After locking the door Jax abruptly spins around. "What the fuck are you doing? What does Ima have to do with this? I messed up two years ago and slept with her, if that's what you call it. It's one of the worst mistakes of my life. I've only seen Ima a handful of times since then. So I don't understand where this is coming from or what the hell is going on."

Lee studies Jax for a few minutes and Lee can see Jax's starting to fidget, he starts to get anxious. "Nero Padilla's name keeps coming up as I dig around."

"Nero's connected? I never saw that coming if that's the case I wonder if my mother is involved in this somehow?" Jax questions but feels guilty right away for thinking she's connected.

"I am not sure I haven't come across anything on her yet but I understand she and Tara don't get along. Why's that?"

Jax sighs, he doesn't know where to start his mother and Tara have been going at each other since he was in high school. "My mother and Tara have had a volatile relationship since Tara and I were teenagers. My mother either hates Tara with a passion or loves her to death. As much as it pains me to admit when Tara left to go to college she didn't have anyone's support. Everyone was mad at her including me. My mother pretended she was mad at Tara for hurting me."

"I was hurting, my heart was being ripped out of my chest and I didn't know how to handle it so I lashed out at Tara. We didn't have to break up we could have remained together while she was in school but the club and I only gave her one option, if you leave then we cut you out."

"It hurt my mother when Tara left but Gemma would never admit it. When Tara came back she made Tara's life living hell, meanwhile Tara was working overtime trying to save my son's life and she still didn't let up on Tara but Tara hung in there."

"My mother was ganged raped and Tara is the one she called in the middle of the night to come help her. Then they became close again, Tara never told anyone because my mother didn't want anyone to know. My mother finally told us because it was Ethan Zobelle and the white power who raped her to send a message to the club. The only reason that she told us then was because I was getting ready to leave the club and go nomad, Ma didn't like that. So Ma sat Clay and I down along with Tara to tell us what happened and I stayed with the club to retaliate her attack. Zobelle had set us up and that's why we went to prison."

"My mother and Tara got along fine until Tara found some letters that my father had written that stated that he thought Clay was trying to kill him. Ma found the cover letter and went running to Clay about it so then Clay and Ma went on a mission to find the letters at any cost. It cost my father's best friend his life and almost cost Tara hers. Clay put a hit out on her, they botched the hit and didn't kill her but destroyed her hand instead that's why Tara can't operate anymore."

"Ma has been pushing me and Tara because she isn't in the know with the club anymore and it is killing her and she is doing everything she can to try to find out what it going on. She thinks that it's her club and she should know everything. But I think there's something else going on between them that I don't know about and honestly I am afraid to find out what it is." I

"In the long run Clay killed my father and tried to kill my wife needless to say I took it personal. I wanted to kill him and would have if he had not made it virtually impossible for the club to do without him. I ended up getting us out of the predicament and we didn't need Clay anymore that's when we stripped him of his patches and if not for one vote we would have killed him."

Lee acknowledges what Jax said. "I see now where all the hate towards Clay and even your mother comes from. What about you, how do you feel towards your mother?"

Thinking, Jax pulls on his almost non-existent beard. "Honestly I don't know what to think. Ma and Clay have always had a strong marriage and he told her club business, she knew everything. Clay didn't keep anything from her. My father also stated that Clay and Ma were seeing one another. As much as I hate to think it I don't see how she didn't know something was going to happen to him."

"I remember how she was when dad died she didn't shed one tear she was all in her 'queen mode' it made me sick at the time. The way she was acting and all, I didn't understand it. I am afraid that I do now. To answer your question I don't want to believe she did but deep down I think she is capable of knowing and might have had a hand in my father's murder. That's something I haven't told Tara. Like saying it will somehow makes it real."

Lee sees Jax in different a different light. Things are starting to make sense now but he's on a mission which leaves him in a precarious position so for now he has to keep pushing Jax. "What do you know about a Judge Walker?"

Jax thinks the name sounds familiar but can't place him. Jax starts thinking about every time he has been up in front of a Judge no, it doesn't seem right. "I don't know, for some reason it sounds familiar but I can't say why. He isn't one that I've been in front of that I can remember," Jax snorts.

"He and Nero Padilla are somehow connected. I know you and Padilla were in business together, what happened there?"

Jax lets out a deep breath, "We were in the escort business together. When we got into business we had an understanding that our club business would not bleed into the escort business. I'm sure when the agreement was made Nero expect SAMCRO would be the ones to break it. Nero used to have a little gang and they got mad because he got into business with us and they thought they could come in and make demands and take over. We had the agreement about outside club business. That gave SAMCRO the opportunity to buy him out." Jax decides Lee doesn't need to know anything about the gun deal that went south.

Lee starts thinking about what Jax just said. "Was he upset about this outcome?"

"No. Nero made enough money on the deal he went back and opened a new location with his little gang." Jax thinks back on it. _No, he seemed perfectly fine with the outcome, didn't seem bitter at all then again there was no reason to be._

Lee's thinking over the information Jax has given him. "I still get the inclination Nero is involved in this somehow." Lee extends his hand. "Jax it has really been a pleasure meeting you and getting what information you have given me. It seems we're in the same boat here and I sure as hell hope for Tara's sake we find out who's trying to sink her or else I am afraid she's going to drown."

Jax shakes Lee's hand. "I am afraid you are right Lee, unfortunately we don't have much time to get this cleared up so she doesn't suffer any more than she has already. We have a week to get to the bottom of this before she's back behind bars."

"I'll get back in touch with you in the next day or two." With that they part ways.

Jax calls Phil to find out how the boys are and Phil tells Jax "Kerrianne and Fiona came by and bought the boys something to eat and now they've gone to get some ice cream through the drive-thru and they should be back in a half an hour."

"When they get back go ahead and get the boys ready for bed if I'm not home by then. Make sure to put them in bed at their regular time. Keep everything going on their schedule so they don't suspect something's going on. If Abel asks about Mommy tell him she's sick in the hospital and if she's well enough she'll call him later if not then tomorrow. That should pacify him, he's been worried about her and 'needing to talk to her.'" Jax flips his phone shut wondering with this measles epidemic should the boys have left the house. With everything going on Jax doesn't know how to handle the measles. Jax decides he can't do anything about it now but will have to remember not to let anyone take Abel and Thomas out of the house to a public place for now. Jax sighs heavily and heads to Tara's room to see how she's doing and check to see if she's asleep."

Jax slowly opens the door and finds Tara and Tig playing I spy. When Jax walks in Tara says. "I spy something tall, blond, handsome and sexy as hell."

Tig replies, "You must be color blind doll, I'm not blond."

Tara retorts, "But you're still sexy."

"Okay you two, I believe you've been together long enough," Jax laughs.

"What, can't I have two sexy bikers in my room at once?" Tara and Jax start their volleying back and forth.

Jax stares at Tara like she's his prey. "No babe I am all the biker you can handle right now."

Tig shakes his head at the two. "Now that you're here you take over she has worried the shit out of me trying to keep her entertained."

"I haven't been that bad," Tara tries to defend herself.

Tig just snorts. "Yeah right, see you guys later." Tig kisses Tara on the head. "Get to feeling better doll." Tig leaves with a smile.

"You know there was a time that you two couldn't stand the other's existence," Jax smiles at her.

"Yeah well shit happens, and it always happens to me," Tara replies.

Jax knows they aren't talking about Tig anymore and tries to steer the conversation away from a confrontation. "How are you feeling you seem to be doing better, you look better."

With a slight smile Tara replies. "I feel better I kept down some broth and had a little nap, if I continue doing well I get Jell-O tonight" she says with a little too much enthusiasm. "I'm still a little tired but I feel like I might survive, well at least this sickness," and there it goes Jax thinks.

"I am glad you're feeling somewhat better at least you aren't green any longer you were starting to look like one of those cartoon characters Abel and Thomas love watching on TV"

"Jaaaaaxxxxx" Jax dodges the box of tissues thrown at his head. He laughs but Tara turns serious. "What did you and Lee talk about?"

Jax eyes her, "Who said we were talking? I was checking in on the boys."

Tara huffs. "Jax I have two little boys that I keep up with and I have YOU. I know when you're sneaking off to do something, plus you said you were so what did you two talk about?"

"You."

"Did you find anything out?"

"I already know everything about you there wasn't anything to find out," Jax smiles at Tara but she doesn't return the smile.

"Jax please," Tara begs.

Jax isn't going to lie to Tara to keep her. He can't, he can't keep her in the dark about this. It's her life and it's happening to her and is too important to keep things from each other now, they need both of their heads working on this. "He has been checking around on some things, he's good at what he does, he's thorough. We're going to find who's behind this and how they're doing it." He thinks about it and he continues. "For some reason Nero is coming up in his radar."

"Nero? Why?" Tara wants to hear what Jax has to say. Tara knows why Nero's involved she wants to see if Jax does.

"We don't know Tara, there's a judge that somehow keeps being linked to him and Lee can't figure it out."

"Judge? What judge?"

"He said a Judge Walker, I don't know him."

"Judge Walker? Are you shitting me?"

"Tara, you know him?"

"Yes and so do you," Tara's giving Jax an exasperated look. Jax has tried to remember why he sounds so familiar he knows he has heard of him somewhere but he can't place where. "Jax. He is the John Judge who married us."

"You're kidding me, no wonder his name sounds familiar, damn. Well we now know how this is happening now we just have to figure out why."

"Jackson you've got to be kidding me. You don't know who's behind this? I can't believe you, after all that has transpired and what we've been through you still don't see it do you?"

"See what?"

"Who's behind this?"

"No if I did I would be doing something about it now wouldn't I?"

"I don't know Jax would you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean Tara? Of course I would be doing something about it, we have to get this straightened out and get you free of these charges."

"I can tell you who's behind this right now but you'll never believe me."

"Who, who is it?"

"Your mother."

"Bullshit Tara. Gemma wouldn't do this to you." Jax's voice is starting to rise.

Tara is not going to be out matched. "Why the hell not Jax? Gemma watched as Clay tried to have me killed. Why would she not get her new boyfriend to get me out of the way?" she says exhaustingly.

"Tara you don't know what you are talking about Ma loves you. She wouldn't ever do anything like this. I know you've had your differences but she just wouldn't do this."

"I can't believe the audacity you have to stand there and tell me she wouldn't do anything like this to me. Where have you been for the past six months? Or sixteen years for that matter Jax."

"Tara come on be real, she wouldn't do anything to hurt you, that was all Clay's doing."

"Fuck you Jax, it will always be her. You'll never see what Gemma does. It has always been that way. Why should I expect it to change now. You just need to leave before I get pissed off." Tara wonders if it's possible because she's very pissed off now.

"Fine,"

Jax turns around and leaves.

Tara picks up her water pitcher and slings it at the door. "Aarrrgg I want to break his fucking neck." Tara decides if Jax isn't going to listen to her then he won't let Lee know what Tara suspects, so Tara calls Lee and lets him know herself about her suspicions who the judge actually is.

Jax's walking through the hospital trying not to show how pissed off he is. He can't wait to walk through those doors and light up a cigarette. Jax hasn't wanted one in a long time he has gotten use to not smoking but he always keeps an emergency pack. Tara won't let him spoke in the house and Jax doesn't smoke around the boys at all so it's usually only at the clubhouse but he needs one NOW. Tara can't actually think his mother would set her up for murder could she? There's no way, Gemma has had her problems with Tara but this is ridiculous, Tara is just going to have to get over this Gemma is out to get me shit, everything is not Ma's fault.

Jax doesn't feel like going home he's too jacked up so he heads over to the clubhouse its fight night maybe that will calm him down. When he walks in Tig looks at him "I thought you were going to stay with Tara?"

"Nope"

"Do you want me to go back?" Tig asks.

"I don't give a shit," Jax snaps.

"Whoooa, what the fuck?"

"Tig, I don't care if you or anyone else goes and stays with her, do what you want."

Everyone in the clubhouse stops and looks at Jax and then each other. No one wants to be the first to say anything but finally Chibs pipes in. "I take it you and Tara are not seeing eye to eye on something?"

"I guess you can say that. I don't want to talk about it. The only thing I want to do is to get good and fucked up," Jax angrily bites out.

Chibs' still the only one who has dared to open his mouth. Tig's ready to throttle Jax. Juice's standing at the pool table not knowing what to do since he and Maxine are on a date, so to speak, and they're shooting pool. Bobby's sitting at the bar talking to Happy. "Now I am going to ask you again what Tig just asked you, does someone need to go stay with Tara?"

Jax is about to snap back and he looks at Chibs and sees the look he is giving him. "I don't know. I don't know if she wants anyone there or not. She didn't seem to when I left."

"Well that's fine and good but you're the President and you give the orders and that's your sick old lady lying in that hospital room so we need to know what to do here," Chibs finishes.

Friday fight night wasn't like it used to be but they're still around. A new young crow eater comes up to Jax and runs her hand down the front of his shirt. He looks at her and smirks, Happy comes up and gets in between them and snarls at her. She looks at Happy like he's crazy; her first mistake. Jax snorts, "You need to move along he'll rip both of our heads off."

Still not knowing her place as a good crow eater. "I'll be here all night just let me know when you get rid of him and I'll take that frown off of your face."

"Darlin' you don't have a damn thing I want or need so it would be best if you just stay away from me and after tonight I think you better just stay away from here altogether." Jax turns to Happy. "I'm pissed off not stupid." Jax grabs a bottle of Jack and heads to the back.

Happy turns to Chibs. "What do we do about Tara? It's his old lady, his call."

"I'll call Fi." Chibs goes outside and calls his wife.

When Chibs comes back in all eyes turn to him expectantly. "She's going to go to the hospital she's just dropping the boys back off at home now. Phil's with the boys, I called him and told him to make himself comfortable that he might be there awhile." With that everyone went back to doing what they were before hurricane 'Jax' came through.


	8. Chapter 8

Jax wakes with the sun glaring in his eyes blinding him. Causing what he thinks can possibly be the worst headache of his life. Jax groans as he lies on his back trying to grasp where he is. "Fuck." He remembers he's at the clubhouse- well in his office asleep on the couch. He thinks back... he can remember being in his office drinking. There is an empty bottle of Jack lying next to him on the couch to confirm that. Jax's trying to remember more. Then he remembers the most important of all, "Aw FUCK, the boys!" He promised Tara he would stay with the boys and take care of them as she had when he was in prison and he's pretty sure this isn't what she had in mind or how she took care of them. Jax starts fishing his phone out of his pocket when another memory flashes through his mind, "Tara, shit." His argument with her came flooding back to him then Jax remembers there's no one with her. "Shit." Jax his buries his face in his hands, shaking his head Jax knows he messed up, messed up bad.

There's a knock at the door. Whoever it is doesn't wait for Jax to answer Jax turns his head towards the door as it opens and Chibs walks in carrying two cups of hot coffee. "Ah, you're awake."

"Yeah but not by much, reality it's just starting to set in."

"Oh it is, is it? And just what is it you remember?"

Jax sits up running his hands through his hair. "I argued with Tara, got drunk, stayed at the club and didn't go home to my sons. That's what it boils down to. Oh and left my wife unprotected at the hospital. Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Aye, seems you're right."

"Please tell me Phil stayed with the boys all night,"

"Aye he did. You want to tell me what you two fought about." Even though Chibs has heard from Fiona what Tara says the fight was about he wants to hear from Jax himself.

"Ma. Tara thinks Ma had something to do with Tara's arrest."

Chibs knows the only person who has blind faith or any faith anymore in Gemma is her son. "That isn't as far-fetched as one might think."

"Not you too?"

"Think about it Jackie. Tara has every right to suspect Gemma. Gemma thinks Tara's responsible for you keeping the boys away from her. After her wreck you pretty much have banned her from their lives and she blames Tara. If you look at the things that have gone wrong for Gemma in the past six months and you look at it with an open mind, think about who she thinks is responsible and you'll see it's Tara. Gemma never accepts responsibility for her actions it's always someone else's fault never her own and this time she blames Tara. So yes I can see her doing this."

Jax is dumbfounded, all he can do is look at Chibs he can't believe he's saying this.

Chibs continues, "Margaret called me when she couldn't get a hold of you. Tara's worse today and they aren't allowing visitors." Chibs looks at Jax pointedly. "They think it will make her worse and they're keeping her knocked out. They found she has some virus with a fancy name I can't remember or pronounce but the good news is it isn't the measles."

Jax hangs his head drawing his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down on it. Jax feels like shit, he knows he's the reason Tara's sicker today. He's sure her nerves are all tore up after what happened yesterday. What did I do to her? Jax just shakes his head at himself.

"I'm heading home to see my boys and then I'll call the hospital and check on Tara and see how she's doing. Maybe later on in the day she'll feel like seeing me."

"You keep thinking that Jackie." Chibs slaps Jax on the shoulder and squeezes it for support. "She's pissed at you, and you left her unprotected last night. We couldn't do anything she's your old lady and we asked you point blank what you wanted and you said, 'You didn't care.' We couldn't do anything. So, I ask you again, what do you want to do about Tara?"

"Send Tig to stay with her I need you here I'm going home and spend the day with my boys." Jax gets up and tucks his gun in the back of his jean's waistband under his hoodie and makes his way out the door heading home to his boys, the part of his family he can see and he needs to be with.

Feeling the wind in his face on the way home helps wake Jax up and loosens the tightness in his shoulders, then his whole body. It improves his mood but he knows where Tara's concerned it's his fault she's worse today and he won't feel better until he can talk to her.

When Jax pulls up at his house and cuts his bike off, he can hear the boys squealing inside. It makes Jax proud his sons love and get excited when he comes home. They love Tara and they love for her to come home but they have come to expect her home with them all the time now with her injured hand. But with Jax it's different and they love any chance they get to be with him. Now Jax can't help but wonder how it's going to be since Tara's the one not at home. Jax walks into the house to two little boys running into his legs and holding on tight. "Daddy your home! Is Mommy with you? Where's Mommy Daddy? Why isn't she with you?" Abel asks him point blank.

Jax tells Phil. "You can go, I'm gonna stay here with the boys."

The boys follow Jax over to the couch as he sits down. "Come here." Jax picks Abel and Thomas up and sits one on each leg holding them close to his chest with an arm wrapped around each son. "Mommy's sick she's in the hospital but as soon as she's well enough to have visitors then I'll take you and you can see her. Okay?"

"Does she have a fever?" Abel asks as Thomas nods his head.

Jax can't help but to smile his sons are definitely Tara's boys they're just like her, always worrying about others. "Yes, she has a fever and is sick in her stomach too."

"She needs Gatorade. Are they giving her Gatorade?" Abel is insistent.

"They're giving her medicine and everything she needs to make her better so I'm sure they're looking out for her." Jax can tell by the look on his face Abel's not convinced.

"Mommy gives me Gatorade when I'm sick and she's a doctor." Abel states with Thomas nodding his head.

"Yes and now Mommy has her own doctors looking after her but I'll tell her that you said she needs to make sure she drinks Gatorade.' Jax kisses his boys head. "What do you boys want to eat?"

"Macaroni and cheeeessse and fish sticks." Abel yells and Thomas nods affirming the decision.

"Okay then its macaroni and cheeeessse and fish sticks." Jax smiles as he goes about fixing the boys' lunch and stops when he realizes this is the first time he's fixed them lunch, dinner or any meal besides cereal since he left for prison and was feeding Abel when he was just a baby. Jax isn't proud of this he doesn't know what it means as a father or a husband. Jax hasn't been here for his family like he should have been. Jax knows he has to change this not only because they don't know what will happen with Tara but because he wants to be a better man, a better husband and father for his family.

After Jax gets the boys fed and they play for a little while he puts them down for a nap. Jax continues his day by making calls to Ally, Unser, Eli and even Lee Toric to see if there has been any news or any change in Tara's case. No one has any new news they all asked about Tara. Guilt ridden Jax can only tell them what Chibs told him. She's worse today and she has a virus but isn't taking visitors today because she's so sick and resting.

When the boys wake up from their nap Jax feeds them an early dinner and bathes them and puts them in their pajamas. Jax gathers some snacks from the cabinets, some juice boxes and a few toys for Thomas. He grabs the boys and loads them up in Tara's car and heads to Lodi to the drive-in movies. Jax wanted to do something with the boys but he is too afraid and paranoid about the measles so he figures the drive-in is a perfect solution. Jax hasn't been to the drive-in since he and Tara brought the Cutlass back when they were teenagers and they didn't watch much of the movie whatever it was. The memory brings a smile to Jax's face and then he remembers Tara and what's happening with her, quickly his smile turns into a frown. But he can't do that, this is for the boys and he has to remain happy for them so for now he pushes the thought out of his mind until later when he's alone.

Jax doesn't know what's playing but he figures it doesn't matter just the novelty of the whole thing will fascinate Abel and he brought Thomas' favorite toys and just to be safe he brought Abel's crayons and coloring book. Jax lucks out an animated movie is playing; one he has never heard of but Abel has and Abel's so excited he can't be still. When the first commercial starts for the concession stand and the dancing hotdog dances across the screen Abel turns to Jax with blue eyes as big as the moon. Jax's smile returns and gets bigger when he looks in his lap at his baby pointing at the screen nodding. Jax knows he chose wisely and is quite proud of himself. Jax lets out a sigh, now he can finally sit back and relax with his boys and enjoy them.

Abel looks over at Jax and smirks. Jax is taken back it was like looking in the mirror- Abel with his blond hair blue eyes and that 'Teller smirk.' A smirk only Abel's father and grandfather could pull off; until now. Jax looks at the son in his lap and smiles as Thomas dances from leg to leg up and down laughing and clapping his hands. Jax can't help but laugh, the first time he has laughed since Tara was arrested. Jax loves his sons and his wife. Jax vows they'll have more times like this where his whole family is together laughing.

When the movie starts Abel stands in the floorboard watching the movie leaning forward with his chin resting on his crossed arms lying on the dashboard in front of him. Abel's mesmerized. He doesn't move or say anything the whole movie he just laughs with the movie. Thomas stands in Jax's lap watching the movie but gets bored and turns around in his father's arms and plays with Jax giving him kisses. Then Thomas turns back and watches the movie. Thomas is also amazed about the whole concept of watching a movie in your car with a talking box. Thomas puts his ear up to the talking box and laughs and then touches it and laughs again. Thomas spots the swings and points to them but Jax tells him. "Not tonight buddy it's too chilly out and we didn't bring coats but maybe another time," Thomas nods. Then Thomas goes back watching the movie while Abel hasn't moved from his original position.

After the first movie Abel is excited to learn there is another one. Jax pulls out the boys' snacks he brought so in between the movies they eat and Thomas climbs in the back seat to play with his toys Jax brought. Thomas has had it with the whole drive-in experience but Abel gets back in position and doesn't move until the credits roll of the second movie. Jax heads home with a sleeping Thomas who made it halfway through the second movie and Abel who is animated about what he saw and is talking Jax's ear off and then Jax's heart stops when Abel looks at Jax. "When can we come back and bring Mommy I bet she would like to come. Can we come back this weekend? Can we Dad?"

"Abel Mommy's sick I don't think she'll be feeling like going for a while she really doesn't feel good."

"When she gets better?"

"Yeah, we'll do it when she gets better." Jax hates lying to his boys but he just really doesn't know what to say. He wonders what Tara said to Abel when he was in prison but realizes Abel was a baby when Jax went in. He left Tara with a baby and pregnant with another and then before long she had two babies. Jax feels like shit and not for the first time today. Jax is now realizing the impact of what it was like for Tara when he went to prison.

Jax gets the boys in the house and them and put in bed. When Jax tucks Abel in to bed, he is still talking about the movies he saw it takes Jax an hour to get Abel calm enough where he'll go to sleep. But Jax is pretty sure Abel will dream of the whole experience for nights to come.

Jax gets a beer when the boys are down and goes to the living room and turns the TV on to chill out for a bit before going to bed. Jax decides to call Chibs to see if there's any news on Tara since no one has called. Chibs tells him Phil is with Tara and the doctor was true to his word Tara has slept all day. Jax hangs up and heads back to his and Tara's bed. The bedroom is full of memories of his wife after an hour of tossing and turning Jax finally drifts off to sleep but is haunted in his sleep by Tara's smiling face.

Jax is awaken in the morning by Abel's blue eyes staring at him as Abel stands beside the bed just looking at Jax like Jax is supposed to read his mind. His mommy can so should Daddy. Jax finally sleepily asks Abel. "What is it little man?"

Abel looks at Jax disappointedly. "I'm hungry."

"Okay I'm coming." After Jax fixes breakfast for the boys, feeds them and gets them ready for their day because Kerrianne will be coming to watch them. Jax's off to the hospital- he's going to see Tara whether she wants to or not. The first thing he does when he gets to the hospital is find Tara's doctor. Jax wants to know how Tara's doing. No one's telling him anything and Jax doesn't like not being in the know where his wife's concerned. After finally hunting down her doctor Jax finds out Tara did indeed sleep all day yesterday and last night. Tara seems to be doing better this morning after they added more nutrients to her IV solution along with the other's they are already giving her. Tara was able to eat some broth this morning and a little Jello. Jax thanks her doctor and heads to Tara's room to see her, bracing, himself, for the shit storm he could be waltzing into.

After he's pat down by the officer at the door Jax carefully and sheepishly opens the door to Tara's room. Tara's lying in bed with her eyes closed and Phil gets up and makes his way to the door to see who's coming in. When Phil sees Jax he relaxes a little and Jax nods to the door and Phil quietly slips out of the room.

Jax stands there alongside the bed looking at Tara's pale form lying there not unlike Abel did Jax this morning when Jax was sleeping. It's obvious to anyone who sees Tara she's sick, very sick. Tara's eyes are sunken with black circles under them darker than they were yesterday. Jax quietly goes to stand closer to get a better look at her. He wants to touch her to feel her but he also doesn't want to wake her so he just stands there quietly watching his wife sleep.

After Jax has been there for almost an hour Tara starts to stir, as her eyes start to adjust and reality starts to set in Tara sees Jax standing by her bed smiling down at her. "Hey, beautiful how are you feeling today?"

"Tired. I know I slept all day yesterday but I don't feel like I've slept any. I'm just so tired Jax."

"Well rest. You don't have anywhere you have to be, so sleep. Don't stay awake just because I'm here go back to sleep and get some rest."

"Can you get me some fresh water please?"

"Yeah, I'll be back in a minute." Jax takes Tara's water pitcher to the nurses' station to get her some fresh ice and water.

Jax comes back into Tara's room with her fresh pitcher of water and he looks and she is back fast asleep, or so he thinks. Jax pours her a new cup of water when Tara speaks. "Thank you."

"I thought you were asleep."

"No just resting my eyes while you were gone."

Jax helps Tara sit up so she can drink her cup of water. "Tara I'm sorry for the other day. I shouldn't have treated you like that."

"It's okay. You've been under a lot of pressure lately Jax. I understand."

"No. No it's not okay. You're under more pressure than anyone and I'm sorry for my actions. I promise to listen to you and not fly off the handle anymore."

"Okay Jax." Tara's not comfortable having this conversation with Jax right now so she changes the subject. "How are the boys?" She feels this is a safe topic they can discuss together.

"I took them to Lodi last night to the drive-in."

Tara's eyes light up at the thought of her babies at their first drive-in. She's a little sad that she wasn't there with them but she isn't going to let it creep in and ruin finding out about her boys' experience. Jax proceeds to tell Tara all about Abel being mesmerized, not saying a word the whole time, he's glued to the screen. This doesn't surprise his mother Tara knows how attentive Abel is. Then Jax tells Tara about how Thomas was taking it all in not leaving anything unnoticed. This too doesn't surprise Tara either she knows how inquisitive their youngest is. When a tear slips down her face and Jax sees it and he wipes it away with his fingertips. "I'm sorry. I just wish I could have been there with you."

"I know babe, we wish you could've been there too, but Abel's already making plans for us to go back with you. When I left the house he was animatedly telling Kerrianne all about the movies you watch in the car."

Jax talks with Tara for another thirty minutes when the nurse brings in her medication and some broth. After which Tara starts to fall asleep but Jax keeps waking her making sure she finishes her broth having to spoon feed her the last portions himself. "I'm going to go after you fall asleep and I'll be back later if I have someone to stay with the boys. I'm so paranoid with the measles that's why I took them to the drive-in I figured it was the safest place we could go."

"They're starting to get stir crazy because they can't go anywhere and there's only a limited few I trust to be around them. So I'm using my imagination in keeping them occupied. Honestly Tara, I love it. I went to fix their lunch yesterday and realized I haven't fed them since I've been out. Which means Thomas not at all and Abel not since before I went to prison and he was eating baby food. I haven't been able to enjoy the boys like this before. I know it's my own fault but now with the club clear and as soon as we get these charges taken care of against you I'm ready to explore our new life together as a family."

Tara gives Jax a sleepy smile. "You did good baby. You are a great father Jax when you have the time. Don't worry about coming back I'll probably sleep all day again. Spend time with the boys, bond with them they need you right now I'm so tired I just want to sleep all day."

Jax didn't realize how much those little words would mean to him. To have Tara praise him as a father and taking the initiative to do things with his son's without someone telling him what to do. "Okay, you get your sleep and I'll see you tomorrow if I don't see you again today." Jax stands stroking Tara's head he quietly whispers. "I love you babe." Jax softly kisses Tara's head and continues to whisper softly in her ear how much he loves her as Tara falls asleep.

When Jax leaves Tara's room he goes down to the chapel to make some phone calls before he goes home and devotes all his attention to his sons. First he calls Ally. "I am calling to see if there have been any changes in Tara's case? Also Lee Toric said Judge Walker's name keeps coming up when looking for leads in Tara's case. Toric thinks the judge could be the key. Judge Walker is the judge who married Tara and I up at Diosa. Toric also thinks there's a connection between Judge Walker and Nero Padilla other than john and pimp but nothing to tie them yet."

Ally informs Jax. "I still can't find out who the mystery witness is and I can't get any questions answered. No one seems to know anything which I find even more frustrating because someone has to have done the work on it but no one knows anything. My contacts can't find out anything. I'll start looking into Judge Walker now too." She asks him, "How's Tara?" Jax relays the virus she has and she's sleeping a lot.

Next on his list is Lee Toric, Jax decides Lee has the access to the most information possible and is the best bet for Tara to go free also he wants to make sure Lee got his message about the judge; he's the one who married him and Tara. Lee answers the phone he confirms he got the message about the judge. Lee doesn't tell Jax Tara had already called him with the information long before Jax did. But Lee also knows Jax has a lot he's taking care of but is still surprised his wife's freedom isn't Jax's top on his list of responsibilities. Lee still questions why Jax's number one priority isn't Tara's freedom? What's Jax hiding?

Lee tells Jax. "I'm trying to find the connection between Nero and Judge Walker, something concrete that shows there's an association between the two. I'll get back in touch with you just as soon as I can find something."

Jax calls Eli and Unser, having the same conversation with each one he previously had with Ally. Neither one has any information on Nero and the judge but it gives them a starting point not making everyone feel as hopeless as before. Not knowing anything more than he did when he started his calls Jax leaves the chapel and head homes to his boys.

The next three days go pretty much the same Tara still not feeling any less nauseated and still showing signs of exhaustion. Just when they think Tara will be able to hold food down it comes right back up. Tara's starting to get depressed. She's still not able to see her boys. Although Tara talks to Abel on the phone it upsets her more but it calms Abel.

Tara's legal woes are starting to look up a little. Slowly the web of lies between Judge Walker; aka the John Judge and Nero are starting to unravel. Since they can't find anyone in the legal system that drew up the paperwork for the warrant and the witness statement they're beginning to believe the Judge did all the leg work including sealing the statement himself, making it impossible for anyone to see who the witness is beforehand. This would explain how the paperwork was able to be lost until time to seal the statement leaving no opportunity for others to see it. They're getting closer but not close enough and they need the information now. Tara's bail hearing is in six days and everyone is on edge especially Jax.

The next move is talk to the girls at Diosa who were around when Judge Walker was frequenting the establishment. They find out quickly the judge's regular girl went with Nero and is working for him. They can't go to her so now they're looking for a girl who might have been a fill in a time or two. They questioned all the girls who are still working at Diosa and no one has been with the judge. There are only a few who remember him but don't really know anything about him. That leaves them to search elsewhere for a girl who might have spent some personal time with the judge before his current girl. Lyla composes a list of all the girls who worked at Diosa before the split. Then they compare it to the list Jax let go with Nero, then the girls still working at Diosa. The ones who are on neither list are all considered a possible conquest of the judge's. Now they just need to find them and talk to them.

Lyla waits to talk to Jax. "Jax I want to help Tara. I'm the only one who can go out where these girls hang out and not look suspicious. I can say I'm recruiting new girls for Diosa and no one will be the wiser."

Jax shakes his head. "No Lyla. It's too dangerous."

"Jax, these girls are not going to talk to anyone outside of their world. Even with all the competition there is out there they're suspicious of each other. I'm the only who has any chance of getting information from these girls."

Jax doesn't want Lyla to get out there and something happen to her. Jax has a responsibility to Opie not to let anything happen to Lyla and kids. But Lyla's right she is the best bet they have to find out any information on these girls. Jax throws his hands up. "Okay but you're taking someone with you."

Lyla smiles at Jax. "Okay Jax. But I can't take a biker looking dude it has to be someone who can clean up nice, no grease under their fingernails that's a dead giveaway. They're not going to talk to me with a biker hanging on." Lyla laughs. "You're cute and all but it won't work these girls know who you are. If you go asking these girls a bunch of questions they will clam up for self-preservation. These girls know what an MC is, they know who SAMCRO is and when a biker shows up questioning them it usually means trouble."

"Okay, take pretty boy with you."

"Pretty boy?"

"Yeah the new guy in town from Tacoma, Big Bill. He can pull off the pretty boy look better than Tig, Bobby or Chibs," Jax laughs.

Lyla smiles. "Yeah, he'll do."

Under the façade of recruiting new talent for Diosa, Lyla and Big Bill start networking the streets hunting for any girls who possibly worked for Nero or anyone else. They need official proof the judge is dirty. Something concrete they can take to the necessary officials to get him thrown off the case and get a look at the damn witness list and the sealed statement.

Lyla reports to Jax after she gets back home. "Jax we put feelers out today and will go back out tomorrow giving time for the recruiting information to work through the streets and cracks overnight. We'll go back out tomorrow and see what we have."

Jax knows it's a long shot they can find any information out there on the judge. Today was just a feeler day. "Okay Lyla, you be careful out there. Tomorrow it will be more dangerous now the word is out. Any hint of trouble you get off the streets and out of there. Make sure Big Bill is with you at all times. We don't know who or what we're dealing with."

"Okay Jax. I'll be careful and keep Bill with me at all times. Bye." Lyla feels stupid for saying Big Bill all the time so she and the kids call him just plain 'Bill.' Lyla feels a certain connection with Bill than she has with anyone since before Opie died.

Opie didn't love her like she deserved to be loved, not the way she loved him and she knows that now. When Opie died he and Lyla weren't talking. The only words they had spoken in months was when he came to her to watch the kids for him when he was going to jail with Jax, Chibs and Tig. Lyla has always felt anger towards Opie. Not for leaving his children with her but because she feels he had already planned on not coming out of jail alive. Lyla would have taken the children no matter what she loves them, but she feels like she deserved the truth. Of course Opie's children are her children now and she wouldn't have it any other way.


	9. Chapter 9

Jax makes his way down the halls of St. Thomas Hospital to Tara's room this morning without any good news to share with her. Not knowing what he's going to say to her Jax dreads going to see Tara for that reason. But Jax needs to see her, needs to touch her and he needs to feel her touch. He misses his wife and is scared, scared he might not be able to help her get out of this quagmire she's in because of his club, because she loves him. Tara has become the sacrificial lamb for SAMCRO and it doesn't sit well with her husband. Jax nods at the guard standing at Tara's door. Jax checks with Phil and he tells Jax everything has been fine this morning then Jax makes his way into his wife's room.

Jax's stands watching over Tara while she sleeps when he glances down and sees something that makes him see red; Lee Toric's business card. _Did he come back today? What was he doing here? He's supposed to call me not come and talk to Tara. What did he want to talk to her about that he couldn't talk to me about? Why is he so insistent on talking to my wife? What does he want with her? What is Toric trying to do to us? Is he trying to tear us apart? Is that what he's doing, punishing Tara and myself by driving a wedge between us using Ima? Causing Tara heartbroken mental anguish? It sure as hell looks like it. Of all the things I have done in my life Ima will be my downfall? _ Jax is enraged thinking someone would use Ima to hurt Tara when Jax has hurt Tara in a way that will never be forgotten. He snorts. _And it's not even Ima doing it. I'll kill him if he thinks he will hurt Tara that way. _Jax has been suspicious of Toric since he first paid Tara a visit at the hospital right after Toric's sister died. Jax is starting to worry what Toric could really be up to.

Jax hears Tara starting to stir, he looks at her waiting for her to wake up he has some things he needs to talk to her about. He wants answers and he wants them now. He wants to know what Lee Toric has to say to his wife and why he's talking to her. Tara opens her eyes and adjusts them to see Jax standing by her bed. The look on his face tells her trouble is brewing behind those beautiful blue eyes and it scares her. "Jax. When did you get here?"

"Evidently not while your other visitor was here," Jax bites off angrily.

Tara looks at Jax confused not understanding what he's talking about. Tara tries to shake the cobwebs from her head. She has finally had a good night's sleep with the help of the drugs they have been pumping in her and now wakes up to this. _What is he talking about? _ _No one has been here to see me today except for Phil. _"What are you talking about? No one has been here today. You're the first visitor I've had today other than Phil."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. What is it Jax? What's wrong?"

"Why don't you tell me? You seem to be the one with all the answers." Tara looks at Jax confused not understanding what he means. "You didn't have any visitors today?" Tara shakes her head. "Toric wasn't here today?"

Tara looks at Jax trying to wake up. "No. Like I said, you're the only one other than Phil who has been here today. Why?"

Jax picks up Lee Toric's card lying on the nightstand and shows it to her. "He hasn't been by here today?"

"No. He left it the other day when he was here. What's wrong? Why are you upset? Did something happen?"

"No. I just don't understand why he gave you his card. What's he up to? Why is he trying to help you? It doesn't make sense." Jax can't believe the man who has everyone on edge and running scared because of his sister's murder would just come here and help Tara. Especially, when Tara who has been arrested for his sister's murder.

"Does it matter? As long as he wants to help, does it really matter? I'll take help wherever I can get it if it keeps me from going to jail." Tara doesn't understand why Jax wouldn't welcome anyone who's trying to help her stay out of jail. She knows when Jax was going to prison she would have done anything to keep him home with her and doesn't understand why he wouldn't do the same for her.

"No matter what the cost?"

"What is your problem Jax?" Tara's confused and doesn't see what the problem is. "He listens to me unlike you he hasn't already formed an opinion and is open to suggestions."

"He's my problem. He comes snooping around here trying to start trouble. That's my problem with him. You're my wife, I'm worried about you."

"What trouble is he starting Jax?"

"Coming around and upsetting you trying to say that I'm with Ima."

"He seems to only be upsetting you. You're the one upsetting me."

"Him telling you we have something going on. I don't like him around you filling your head full of lies." Jax is pacing back and forth getting angrier with each step he takes.

"Lies? You were with Ima. That isn't a lie. You cheated on me with Ima, that isn't a lie."

"That was two years ago Tara. It's old news and it's time to move on. She is out of our lives."

Now Tara's pissed, actually beyond pissed. "You've moved on Jax. It's out of your mind. But it's scorched in mine and I don't think it will ever be removed."

"You need to get over it Tara." As soon as the words leave Jax's mouth he knows it's the last thing he needed to say. But Toric has Jax all twisted up with this Ima shit and Jax can't think straight. Jax and Tara have been in a good place with the whole Abel kidnapping ordeal, behind them. But now Toric comes around trying to stir up shit. It doesn't sit well with Jax and now he's gone and said the wrong thing.

"I can't Jax. I can't get it out of my mind, she knows how your body feels, if it is hot, cold or hot and sweaty. She knows the taste of your lips, she has touched your lips, touched your tongue. I see all of this in my mind Jax. It's all I see. She knows what it feels like to have you inside her, she knows what it feels like when you cum, your moan, the look on your face she knows all of this Jax, all of it. Did you whisper sweet nothings in her ear? Was it easy for you to cum did she excite you so much you couldn't satisfy your thirst for her? Did you cum more than once? Of course you did. Did you go all night long? How did her breast feel when you sucked them? Do you still remember how they felt, how they tasted, how hard her nipples were? I know you did, did you suck on the crook of her neck did she suck on yours to make you cum? Did you sleep all wrapped in each other's arms with her head across your chest over your heart? Did you go down on her? Will you always remember what her pussy tastes like, what it looks like? Do I have to worry when I kiss you that I am actually kissing where her pussy had been? Then do I have to worry about all the different people who have been in her pussy because it is now on my mouth? Do you still remember her calling your name when she was cuming? Did she call it over and over again? Can you still hear her moan? Did you nuzzle to the crook of her neck when you were cuming? Did you and Ima talk about what a fool I am? Did you call her name over and over when you were cuming? Did you care if she got off?"

"Stop it. That's enough!" Jax can't stand to hear anymore.

"Is it Jax? Is it enough? How many times was enough? Did you kiss the curve in her lower back when you took her from behind? Do you still want her?"

"Tara stop you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing this to me you did it, you and her... I can't help it Jax I see it all of the time, every time my eyes close I see it. Every time you touch me I know you've touched her. When you are inside me I think about you being inside her, do you think you would be able to forget it? I didn't think so. Do you think you would be haunted by it day and night then people bring up her name and they all turn to you waiting to see how you react because they all know, everyone knows you made sure of that, how would you feel? Would you walk back in the clubhouse again or would it hurt your pride? You have humiliated me in front of EVERYONE you threw her in my face. Why would I want to come back in a clubhouse that I'm supposed to be queen of, why? What would you need to hear to make it better, to get you over it, to make you feel better about it, what would it take for you to forget? Tell me Jax, what? I just can't shake it, it's been two years and it is still a fresh cut. I try not to say anything so I don't upset you but why am I worried about upsetting you I didn't do anything wrong. You weren't worried about me I didn't cross your mind that night, no it was Ima that's who you were thinking about that night, all night long. I was home waiting for you alone if you were so intent on 'blowing off steam' you could have come home, I was there but that's right you didn't want me, you wanted her!"

"How about when she was standing there gloating in my face with your fucking shirt on? Did you enjoy that, was that your idea? Did you enjoy the pain I was in? How would you have felt then? Would you ever walk in that room again? Would you lie in that bed?"

"Tara I am not telling you again it was nothing."

"Then don't tell me again." Tara rolls over and turns her back to Jax as he sighs dropping his head and scrubbing his face with his hands.

"What can I do to make this better? What do I need to do to make you forget?"

"I don't know what would you need me to do?" Tara speaks with her back to Jax.

"Let me kill the fucker."

"Yeah that's what I thought. I would like to be alone now."

Jax looks at Tara and knows he needs to leave but feels if he does then things can only get worse. No, he's going to stay right here with Tara if she talks to him or not. Jax isn't going to desert her now like he did before. Tara isn't as strong as she was a couple of months ago. After everything that has happened to her she is beat down now and as long as he can be close to her he will be. With a guard at the door or not Jax can't take the chance on Tara running away from him yet again.

"You, want to know what happened that night? I'll tell you."

Tara looks back over her shoulder at Jax. "Jax I don't want to hear this."

"You did a few minutes ago you wanted to hear all the sordid details so now I am going to tell you."

"No, Jax, please don't. I don't want to hear anymore." Tara resumes her position with her back to Jax again this time it's so he can't see her face as he 'shares' that night he was with Ima. That dreaded night still haunts Tara when she doesn't want it to. Tara tries, she tries so hard not to let Jax and Ima seep into her mind but she can't control it her insecurities get the best of her and the thoughts find a way in.

"When we got to the apartment I shoved her in the door on to the bed. I made her abuse my body because I felt like shit, I felt like I was no good. I couldn't treat you like you deserved. I had called you a rat and then when I get back to the clubhouse I find out you weren't. I knew the truth. You would never rat on the club but it was an excuse to break it off with you. I wanted to physically hurt. I wanted the outside of my body to hurt as much as the inside did but nothing she did to me would take the pain away, it only made it worse. With every abuse she bestowed on me I saw your face disgusted with what I was doing. I was mean, mean to you and even her."

Tara's livid. She can't believe Jax has the audacity to think she would feel sorry for Ima. "What now? You want me to feel sorry for her? This is bullshit Jax. You can't tell me that fucking whore didn't love every minute that you were with her. She was gloating that morning rubbing it in my face and you were just lying there and didn't do a goddamn thing. After all the shit that she had put me through you sided with her. Was she in on it? Did she know that you unlocked the door so that I could walk in that morning? Did you tell her what the plan was? TELL ME WAS SHE?" Tara turns over and faces Jax as she screams.

Calmly Jax looks Tara in the eye. "No Babe, she wasn't. That was my own stupid idiotic plan. One that wasn't thought out too well but it was my plan. When you left that morning I told her to leave I couldn't stand to look at her. I didn't want to see her face it reminded me of my failures. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Failure to protect you, even if what you needed protection from was me. I would kill anyone who treated you like I did."

"Then why did you treat me like that? I'll never forget the look on your face like you didn't care and that smug ass look on hers. When, that whore spoke to me like she did. Like you had replaced me with her and she was enjoying every minute it caused me pain. Jax you hurt me. You'll never know the depth of that hurt." Tara truthfully tells Jax with tear streaked cheeks.

"I know how deep you were cut. I know it's deeper than any you have ever experienced before. Babe, I know I fucked up." Jax hates he's the one who has hurt Tara more than anyone else has, even Kohn who terrorized her.

"No Jax, you're wrong, you have no idea how deep your betrayal cut me. And what makes you so sure I can forgive you? I haven't been able to so far. I see it in my nightmares nightly the porn slut and her 'morning' along with Cameron, Half Sac, Salazar, Luisa, Abel's scream, oh yeah and you lying in the bed that morning surrounded by the smell of cheap perfume and sex. I was pregnant with your baby and you are there smoking a fucking cigarette with Ima in the bathroom just staring at me. Ewwww... I hate you Jackson Teller, I hate you. Look what you have done to me, are fucking happy?"

"No, Tara, I'm not happy and neither are you. I can't be the man I'm supposed to be until we work through this."

"Jax, I don't want to think about it." Tara tells Jax in a barely audible whisper. "It hurts too much."

Jax closes his eyes. "I know it hurts baby but we need to, for us and for our boys. We have to do this for our boys Tara. I hate I'm in your nightmares. I don't like that I'm not in your dreams anymore. I want to work on this so I'm just in your dreams like I used to be."

"You knew what the deal breaker was Jax, just like it's always been. But you had to go and fuck that porn slut. You can't change that, as much as I would like to be able to it can't be changed."

"You're right and I can't change it. The only thing I can do is show you it's never happening again. I love you Tara. I can make you promises but you won't believe me. The only thing I can do is show you. I've been trying to show you for the past two years and I'll continue showing you until the day I die. That's all I can do babe, is show you."

Tara's exhausted she lies back and shuts her eyes as tears trail down the sides of her face. Looking down at her Jax wipes her tears away with the rough pads of his thumb against her soft porcelain skin. Jax pulls a chair up to the side of Tara's bed and takes her hand in his and kisses it then he gently strokes the back of her hand with his thumb. "I love you Tara and I'm sorry for any pain I've caused you, caused our family. What I did was stupid and I'll never hurt you like that again. Please look at me."

Tara looks at Jax with sad exhausted eyes cutting Jax to the core. This argument has taken too much out of Tara making Jax feel even guiltier. Jax brings Tara's hand up to his lips as he kisses the back of her hand then brings it to his cheek and holds her hand against his cheek. Jax takes his other hand and carefully brushes Tara's hair out of her face and smiles at her sadly. Tara's heavy laden lids slowly start to shut but she tries to keep them open to look at Jax. "Go ahead get some sleep I'll be here when you wake up." Jax leans over and kisses Tara's forehead. "I love you." Tara closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep as Jax hopes he isn't in her nightmares as she sleeps.

* * *

Jax heads home when he gets a text from Kerrianne saying he's needed at home 'now.' Jax calls Tig to come stay with Tara. Jax can't have her to wake up and him be gone, not after the morning they had. Still reeling from his argument with Tara over Ima, Jax wonders what the problem is at home. Unbeknownst to Jax the argument he had with Tara is minor compared to the shit storm that awaits him at home. Jax walks into a scene he never wanted to see in his home- Wendy in his living room playing with Abel and a terrified Kerrianne holding Thomas looking on.

Jax is furious he knows Wendy didn't just happen to pick now of all times to visit. _I__ bet my mother has something to do with this the whole thing stinks of Gemma. Add to it the convenient time Wendy picks to come while Kerrianne, the least threatening person who stays with Abel and Thomas is here. Yeah, Gemma's name is written all over this_.

This proves to Jax his suspicions are correct, there is a rat, someone close enough to know the club's comings and goings and Jax's too. He knows Gemma could intimidate the right person and find out anything. _The rat needs to be found, now._

"Kerrianne why don't you take Abel and Thomas out back and play until I call you in," Jax tries to remain calm while talking to Kerianne because he can imagine the shit Wendy has spewed and he'll bet Wendy forced her way in. He doesn't want Kerrianne to think he's mad or upset with her. Kerrianne scurries the boys outside more than happy to leave Jax to handle the crazy bitch standing in the living room.

"Wendy, what the fuck are you doing in my home? And what do you want?"

"I want to see my son Jax you can't keep him from me. It was my home too Jax."

"Was Wendy, was being the operative word here. You haven't lived here for over three and a half years and it never was your home you just lived here. It's always been my home and you have no say in regard to my home or my family."

"Abel is my son Jax you can't keep him from me."

Jax's body starts to vibrate as anger take over. "Where was this concern when you were shooting up when you were pregnant or when you got out of rehab, or signed over your rights to raise him? You were more than glad to get rid of him then."

"It was for the best that I did those things at the time."

"And yet here you are trying to push your way in his life like you always try pushing your way around everyone else's. You need to leave Wendy before I lose what little patience I have."

"Are you threatening me Jax? I can call the sheriff's department and have you arrested."

"Wendy, are you out of your goddamn mind? You're in my and Tara's home unwanted and you have been asked to leave. I can see rehab hasn't made you any smarter. So for the last time, get out of my house. Jax herds Wendy towards the door as he opens it and backs her out of the house.

"You haven't heard the last of me Jax with Tara going to prison I'm not letting my son stay here with you."

"You can't decide all of a sudden you want to be a mother and in Abel's life. Being a parent doesn't work like that you have be there all time not when it's convenient for you. Tara's Abel's mother, she's the one who is always there for him. She has been since the minute he was born." Jax wants to make this clear. "Tara's not going to prison and you're not getting near Abel. Also, when you signed away your rights you didn't sign the over to me and Tara you signed them over to me."

"She's not going to prison? That's not what I heard."

Now Jax's convinced Gemma's filling Wendy's head full of shit. As Wendy clears the threshold Jax slams the door shut and locks it. Before going out back to check on Kerrianne and the boys Jax checks the kitchen door making sure it's locked and then thinks he better make sure all the windows are locked too. He wants to make sure Wendy doesn't decide she just wants to walk or climb in. Jax is glad Tara was adamant about changing the locks on all the doors for this very reason, so Wendy couldn't just barge in on them.

Hearing his sons' laughter when he opens the sliding glass door to go out back is music to Jax's ears after the day he's had, first arguing with Tara over Ima, and then Wendy over Abel. Jax admits Tara's argument was warranted whereas Wendy's was bullshit. Smiling reaching the swing set in the backyard Jax can see the worry in Kerriannes' face. He shakes his head there's no need for her worry.

"I'm sorry you had to witness the craziness of Wendy. It's not your fault you did the best thing you could just by calling me."

"I'm sorry Jax. She kept on beating on the door scaring the boys. Thomas wouldn't stop crying or more like screaming and Abel was scared wanting his mommy. I just cracked the door to tell her to go away and she pushed her way in." Jax can tell Kerrianne is clearly shaken up.

Jax knows Wendy and she's going to push her way through and nothing's going to stop her. Jax wonders if his mother has been filling Wendy's head with the notion he and Abel are a package deal. He shudders to think that's what was on Wendy's mind. "I figured as much. Don't worry about it she wouldn't have left until she got in and I got here. But if she ever comes here again you call the sheriff's department immediately and tell them someone threatening is outside trying to get in and it's scaring the children."

"Okay I will. I think she went and tried to get in the kitchen door first. I thought I heard something rattling in there."

"It really wouldn't surprise me. You can go on and go home if you want to I'll stay with the boys. I think they've seen enough excitement for the day. We might go see Tara later on this evening if the doctors think it will be alright for the boys to be around her."

Jax calls Tara's doctor and Dr. Raymond tells Jax it wouldn't be safe for the boys or Tara for a visit. Tara could pass the virus to the boys but more importantly the boys could pass something on to Tara and it would be harder on her body to fight off something else. Heavy hearted Jax has to agree because there's nothing else he can do. Dr. Raymond tells Jax Tara hasn't been sick and she has rested the remainder of the day and is sleeping now. Jax feels better just knowing she's resting comfortably after their argument. The last one they had was about his mother and that sent Tara in a tailspin.

After Wendy leaves Abel and Thomas are both upset and Abel keeps asking questions about the mean lady. Jax doesn't know how to answer and the only thing he knows for sure is Tara would know what to do. Jax does the only he knows he can do to keep them from asking questions is to run them ragged outside playing then sticking them in the shower and plopping something in their mouth so they can't talk and then putting them to bed hoping Abel will forget about it in the morning.

Jax reads the boys two stories, long stories in the tent they made in the floor of Abel's room with one of Tara's sheets. Jax, Abel and Thomas have been hanging out and playing in Abel's room all evening. Jax can tell Abel has questions, a million of them but he has kept Abel busy and after Jax reads the stories Abel finally closes his eyes. Jax doesn't know what to do for an equally upset Thomas who is fidgeting so Jax let him sleep in the tent with Abel.

Abel he can talk about what happened earlier and he can tell Jax what he's afraid of. Jax didn't want Abel asking questions about Wendy because Jax doesn't know how to answer him and wants Tara to be with him so they can answer Abel's questions together. Jax wanted to know if Abel was scared and after the initial shock Abel had questions but he's fine.

Thomas is different, he can't express himself other than whining and crying and Jax doesn't know what to do for him. Jax really thought Thomas would settle down being around Abel in the tent and the two stories they read. But looking at Thomas' face, the confused little face Jax knows whatever the junkie said has disturbed his baby more than it has Abel. Jax doesn't know what crazy shit Wendy was babbling but he knows Wendy and whatever she said has clearly upset Thomas. Jax has to do something for his baby he just isn't sure what. Jax needs Tara and by the look on Thomas' face he does too.

Jax can't take it any more when big blue pleading eyes let a lone tear slips down the innocent chubby cheeks of his baby son. Jax reaches his arms out to his youngest son, and Thomas eagerly reaches back to his father to take him. Jax gathers Thomas in his arms lifting him carefully as not to wake Abel. Jax holds his little boy close to him as Thomas wraps his small arms tight around his daddy's neck, laying his head on Jax's shoulder and plastering himself to Jax's strong body. That's when Jax feels it, he feels his baby's small body quivering and a hitch in his breathing, Jax knows without looking, he can feel it on his chest through his shirt... Thomas is crying harder. Whatever Wendy did scared Thomas terribly.

Not for the first time since Jax came through the front door of his home has he wanted to cause unpleasant harm to Wendy Case. Jax doesn't hold any false belief it will be the last time either. If Jax were honest with himself there were many times before this he wanted to cause extreme permanent bodily harm to Wendy. It's his fault for getting mixed up with Wendy in the first place. The blowback from his involvement with her will keep returning for years to come and Jax knows it. He wishes there's some way he can protect his family from her. Jax knows he will forever be tied to that crazy bitch through Abel. She'll always return to wreak havoc on his innocent family. They're paying the price for that piece of ass Jax hooked up with on that one lonely horny drunken night wanting to be sushed and that's what Wendy did thoroughly. Days later Jax's still drunk ass married her. Now she's still sushing him but this time he's not enjoying it. Jax will never forget the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach the morning he woke up and realized he married the woman next to him whom he couldn't remember her name. It didn't matter what her name was it wasn't Tara therefore he had royally fucked up.

Jax sits down in the rocking chair kissing Thomas' head and rubbing small circles on his back talking to him quietly. When Thomas' breathing has calmed down to a steady slow rhythm Jax tells what he thinks is a sleeping Thomas. "The crazy woman will never come back to hurt our family." Then Thomas turns his head and looks up at Jax with big trusting eyes believing every word his father says to him and that scares Jax more than the thought of Wendy returning. The blind trust his son has in him. Jax remembers the same trust he had in his father and Jax knows how that turned out. Leaving Jax broken hearted and destroyed questioning everything about his life and if his father truly loved him, cared for him. So many questions unanswered and then to find out his father had another family... it killed Jax. Destroyed something inside him leaving Tara again to heal the broken son his father left behind and she mended his heart one stitch at a time.

Jax had never questioned the outlaw life he had chosen. He wasn't afraid to die but after he had Abel he knew firsthand what it meant to die and leave a family behind, what it does to your family. That's when he started questioning the choices the club or more importantly Clay was making.

Jax continues to hold Thomas tight and talk to him about mundane things and finally Thomas closes his eyes and falls asleep but not before fidgeting and his little body jumping. It breaks Jax's heart knowing he brought this on his son. After several minutes Thomas drifts deeply in sleep lying in Jax's arms calmly and lightly snoring baby snores. Instead of putting Thomas back on the floor with Abel in the tent Jax lays Thomas in the small extra crib they keep in Abel's room. Thomas will still be close to Abel but he will be safely corralled in the crib. Standing over Thomas' crib Jax silently and softly rubs Thomas' back making sure he's settled before quietly leaving the room.

When Jax walks out of Abel's room into the hall he leans his back against the wall trying to catch his breath he hasn't been able to catch since he got home and found Wendy sitting in the floor with Abel. Jax slinks down the wall feeling exhausted and all of a sudden alone. Running his hands through his hair as he hit the floor drawing his knees up to his chest Jax sits with his head back against the wall wishing Tara was home, needing Tara to be home with him and the boys. Several minutes later Jax finally finds the strength to get up making his way back to 'their' room, to lie down in 'their' bed and get some much needed rest himself.


	10. Chapter 10

Lyla Winston digs through her closet emptying it piece by piece looking for the perfect outfit to wear. Lyla and Big Bill are going out pounding the pavement putting out feelers and talking to the area 'working women' looking for any escort with information on Judge Walker; the John Judge.

Lyla's frustrated_. It's too early in the morning to be going through all this shit. I'm already getting a headache and my day hasn't even started yet. There has to be something in here that doesn't scream porn. I'm trying to look like I'm scouting to hire escorts not going out there to suck cock._

Lyla massages her temples as she looks around at the piles of silk, satin, fur, glitter, sequins, G-strings, see through netting and four inch flimsy high heels she's drug out of her closet while trying to find the perfect outfit to wear.

_I need to get rid of all this shit before Ellie starts digging through my closet for something to wear. Oh, god, Opie would do flips in his grave if he thought his baby girl was wearing something I 'performed in.'_

Lyla scoffs_. It's been awhile since I've had to look trashy. Since Tara hired me to run Leather and Lace I haven't had to put these tacky clothes on and I don't know why I still have them. I guess for reminders of how awful life used to be or a Halloween costume._ She snickers. _An Old Lady Halloween Porn Costume Party! Whatever the reason, it's time for them to go._

A muffled **"ah hah, this is perfect"** comes from the back of Lyla's closet. She pulls out a simple black pantsuit that's slightly tailored around her curves giving her an edgy but conservative look.

Her outfit is barely on when she hears a knock on the door. "Shit." Lyla hurries and checks herself one last time in the mirror turning from side to side making sure there's nothing stuck to her; hair, sequins, fur, glitter, G-string or toilet paper. Lyla checks her makeup and puffs up her hair. "Okay, let's get this show on the road." Lyla hurries through the house grabbing her purse, sunglasses and two water bottles before heading out the door.

Lyla grabs the handle and swings the door open smiling at the SON in front of her. _Might not be a bad day after all._ "Good Morning."

"Morning Lyla, are you ready to head out?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," Lyla slides her sunglasses on over her eyes before she steps out into the bright California morning sun and closes the door behind her. Lyla follows the handsome dark haired SON- who has been taxed with keeping Lyla safe during the search- to the sleek Jaguar C-X75 Concept. _I don't know how in the hell Jax pulled off getting a fine looking car like this, but again he's Jax Teller and right now he's desperate to find a way to set Tara free._ Jax made arrangements for Big Bill and Lyla to use the car while out searching in the questionable parts of Stockton, Oakland and Lodi looking for anyone who has knowledge of the John Judge's 'company' in the past.

Big Bill opens the car door for Lyla to get in and then walks to the other side of the car to get in. Big Bill's amazed. "I still can't believe there are girls working the streets at nine o'clock in the morning. Do you have everything that you need before we leave?"

Lyla hands Big Bill a bottle of water. "Streetwalkers don't have any set hours," Lyla laughs. "Yeah, I'm all set, let's get this show on the road."

Big Bill backs out the driveway then heads out of Charming Heights and away from Lyla's small cream colored home Jax secured for her in a deal with Damon Pope. Jax never said anything to Lyla about how he obtained it, or anything at all he just handed her the keys to her new home and she knew enough about how things work within the club not to ask. Lyla is grateful for the family she's a part of and a place to call home.

When Tara came to Lyla and asked Lyla if she would be interested in managing Leather and Lace for Tara, Lyla was leery. She didn't think she would be good enough for the job. But Lyla's dear friend explained that she would never put Lyla in a situation she didn't think Lyla was capable of handling. Tara told her. "Besides you, who do I know and trust that knows lingerie and who isn't after my husband's dick." Tara told her the pay and the hours and then Lyla jumped at the offer.

Lyla hasn't been in front of a camera for over seven months. She went to work at Diosa as a hostess when SAMCRO became partners with Nero but things started becoming uncomfortable for Lyla at Diosa as the relationship between Nero and SAMCRO started to dwindle. She had been at Diosa four months.

Tara heard Jax talking about the situation and she went to Lyla with the proposition to manage Leather and Lace. When Tara talked to Lyla about the job, Tara also told Lyla that part of her job salary includes extra for housing. Tara needs Lyla to move closer to the store and the kids can be closer to family. Tara helped Lyla secure a loan and sell her house in exchange for a bigger house with more room and enough bedrooms everyone can have one of their own. What surprises Lyla the most- even though it shouldn't- Jax told her all the proceeds from the sale of her old house goes to the new one, all of it. Lyla's new house will be ready in a month then she will be living in Charming along with the rest of the club. Lyla knows her dear friends do more for her than they would anyone else, but Lyla's family, and they take care of their family.

Driving down the road Big Bill looks over at Lyla. "Can I ask you a question?"

Lyla looks over at Bill and notices the strange look on his face like he's getting ready to ask something that he's afraid to ask. Lyla's not sure what he wants to ask and is a little leery but what can say now? Hesitantly Lyla nods.

Bill knows he's not patched SAMCRO that he's a member of the Tacoma charter, but he's still a SON and he's part of the club and you have to respect other members and their old ladies and he doesn't want to overstep boundaries but he has to ask. "Do you get along with the doctor?"

Lyla laughs and looks over a Bill and answers the familiar question. "Yes. Tara and I are friends; good friends, she was in my wedding. We didn't at first. She was overly protective of Opie and his children but I get it now. Opie had been in a bad place since Donna- his first wife- died, making some bad decisions regarding his children. Donna and Opie were Tara's best friends, and Tara had their children's best interest at heart. I didn't understand at the beginning and thought she was just being a bitch. I even brought Jax down on her for it causing trouble between the two of them and I'm sorry now for doing it. Now that Opie's gone and what they've done for me, I have a better understanding of what she was doing because they're doing it for me now."

"They both would move heaven and earth for Opie's kids and by association Piper and myself. The whole club has come through for me and especially Piper. He was painfully shy growing up and from being around the club and the other kids he has come out of his shell. Jax and Tara have gone out of their way while to include Piper in their family, they spend one on one time with him and Piper loves it. He has just gotten big enough now he can ride on the back of Jax's bike and Jax will take Piper with him when he needs to go check on a business. Jax has even just taken Piper somewhere just the two of them because Jax just wanted to. Jax has his own sons to spend time with but Jax chooses to devote some of that time to Piper and Piper knows this and he loves Jax more for it."

"Jax had to go over to Stockton one day and there wasn't anyone else around and Jax called Piper and asked Piper if Piper wanted to ride with him on the bike. Of course Piper did and Piper was waiting out front on the step for Jax to pull up. When they came back Jax came in with Piper and Piper was carrying his own new helmet and Jax asked if I had a minute so we walked out front. Jax and I went outside and Jax told me Piper had told Jax that he feels left out in our immediate family because he's the only one not named Winston. Before I married Opie it was just Piper and I. We only had each other and he was feeling left out- in his own mind- because he was far from being left out of anything. Jax asked me if I had considered changing Piper's name to Winston so everyone would be equal in Piper's eyes. I asked Jax what about the club and Jax put his hand on my shoulder and told me the club doesn't have anything to do with it, that it's between me and my family and no one else. I asked Ellie and Kenny what they thought and they were okay with it. Jax found me an attorney and we got the paperwork filed and when it was approved we had a big 'Piper Winston' party at the clubhouse and he was thrilled. That's the kind of people Jax and Tara are they are always thinking of other people, especially family."

"What about the other two doesn't Jax have anything to do with them?" Big Bill looked at Lyla and asked.

"Yes. Jax and Tara have all three kids over all the time. They are Kenny and Ellie's god parents and they take that role serious and they are also Piper's. Ellie likes to hang out at Chibs' she and Kerrianne are the only girls. Kenny likes to hang around Chibs and Jax, but with Chibs the girls are older and Chibs and Fiona do more with the older children trips and things, so Kenny's with Chibs a little more. But Kenny idolizes his Uncle Jax and Aunt Tara they are his and Ellie's link to their parents with Jax and Tara's old stories of growing up with Opie and Donna. Abel loves Piper, Abel thinks he's great and it gives Piper the chance to be 'the oldest' which never happens unless he's with Abel and Thomas. But all- the children- love each other and do well together."

Lyla digs in her purse to find a Kleenex she looks in the mirror on the visor and dabs at her eyes. She turns in her seat facing Big Bill. "I never thought I would be a part of a family like this, to have people love me like they do. Not only do they love me unconditionally, they also love my son. If anything were to happen to me I know the club will step in and take care of all three of my children. This is my family and I have to do my part in making sure Tara walks free of the mess she's in, because she did this for family; for all of us."

Big Bill parks their car along the street in the familiar rundown neighborhood in Stockton they were in yesterday. Sighing deeply, both Big Bill and Lyla take a minute and look around at the broken neighborhood. They both see something different: Big Bill wonders how people can live like this and do this to themselves. Lyla is just glad this isn't her. It very well could've been if Luann hadn't hired her at CaraCara and if Opie hadn't come along. Lyla isn't delusional. She knows Opie didn't love her as she loved him; like a husband should love his wife. But she will always be eternally grateful and love him for giving her the family she so desperately needed.

Taking a deep breath Lyla opens her door and climbs out of the car looking around at the old rundown buildings and dirty streets a chill runs up her spine as she steps onto the sidewalk. Over and over in her mind she keeps repeating 'this is for Tara.' Big Bill joins Lyla on the sidewalk and lays a protective hand on the small of her back as they walk together down the dirty grey sidewalk to the group of women ahead to resume their facade of looking for new talent while really just looking for one type- a specific judge's type.

In Lyla's soft sweet voice she tells Big Bill. "Here we go."


	11. Chapter 11

A new day begins and Jax wakes not feeling any calmer than he had the night before. He had tossed and turned all night unable to fall asleep for thinking about Wendy showing up upsetting the boys and suspecting his mother was the mastermind backing Wendy's scheme. Jax got up in the middle of the night after Thomas had finally calmed down from his fretful sleep and settled into a peaceful slumber. Jax just had to check on the boys to make sure they were okay before he could relax and fall asleep.

When Jax stood over Thomas' crib last night watching his son peacefully sleep Jax realized something. He felt like shit for thinking it but he did nevertheless. For the first time since his youngest son was born Jax is spending quality time with Thomas. Jax doesn't like the circumstances and would do anything he could to change them. Jax hates to admit and feels like a bigger ass for thinking it, but there's a tiny part of him that's grateful for this time he's been able to bond with his son. Jax has missed so much of Thomas' life, this is the first time he's been with his son more than a couple of hours at a time, and it's no one's fault but his own.

Before Jax went to prison he was responsible for Abel but it's the first time Jax is responsible for his youngest son and Jax would be lying if he says it doesn't feel good. Jax's heart soars when his baby looks up at him with his blue eyes filled with tears and Thomas' happy Jax is the one picking him up and he's not wanting, his mother. Thomas isn't just happy to be picked up. He's happy to be in Jax's arms, and is happy to stay there. A part of Jax's heart heals when Thomas nuzzles into him. The part that's broken because Jax has failed his son in so many ways. Jax has missed too many milestones in both of his boy's lives and Jax doesn't plan on missing any more.

Jax yawns, stretches and rolls over. For the first time since Tara has been locked up Jax wakes up without identical eyes staring him in the face. Jax looks at the clock... _ten o'clock, that means Neeta is already here making breakfast. That's why Abel isn't in my face._ Jax gets dressed and pours himself a cup of coffee before he heads to the hospital to see Tara. It's something he dreads doing but he has to see his wife. Luckily for Jax Neeta's back, this is her first day and now he has more time to work on getting Tara free of the charges hanging over her head and get her back home where she belongs.

* * *

Jax takes a deep and tentatively opens the door to Tara's hospital room. He walks in as Tara's doctor, Dr. Raymond, is talking with Tara. Jax listens as Dr. Raymond carefully goes over her condition. Jax sighs quietly when he hears the virus hasn't done any permanent damage and since the signs of the virus are dwindling unless Tara has a relapse then she should be out of the woods. Jax has a faint smile but it drops immediately when he thinks of something. Jax interrupts their conversation. "Does this mean she's going to be released soon?"

Dr. Raymond smiles. "No, Mr. Teller. Your wife will continue to stay here in the hospital until there's no trace of the virus in her blood and she's stronger. It can take anywhere from a week to two until that happens. Dr. Raymond smiles at Jax again. Jax can't get a read on Dr. Raymond. He wonders if Dr. Raymond is purposely keeping Tara in the hospital so she won't have to go to jail or if he's keeping her here because she's sick.

_I need to_ _call Ally and tell her Tara more than likely will be spending one to two more weeks here in the hospital. Ask her if she can get a continuance or reschedule her court date. If she can it will take a great deal of pressure off of Tara and all the people trying to prove she isn't guilty and set her free._

Dr. Raymond asks, "Do either of you have any questions you want to ask me? Jax and Tara both shake their heads Dr. Raymond bids his farewell and slips out of the room.

Jax's palms start sweating when he realizes he is alone in the room with Tara and has to face her after their conversation yesterday. He closes his eyes and starts, "Tara. I'm sorry about yesterday. It seems I keep making a grand exit from your room every time I'm here and I don't want to do it anymore. We're letting our emotions get away from us and we can't do that. We have other more pressing matters needing our attention. But I want you to know I understand what's going on and I'm a grown man and I can take it."

"You understand what Jax?"

"I understand it's easier for you to lay here and be mad and pissed off at me for something I did two years ago that hurt you and almost tore us apart than to think about what's going on around you now. You can't do anything but lay in this bed twenty-four hours a day and worrying so you think about that crap from the past to keep your mind, that works all the time, busy. If you want when you get home we will argue about all it then if you still want to, but right now is not the time for it. I want you to know I understand. I love you Tara and only you. I don't want anyone else. You are the only one in my head and my heart not Gemma, Ima or any other female only you." Jax tells Tara honestly.

Tara sighs and closes her eyes before looking into Jax's worried blue orbs. "I don't want to fight with you anymore either Jax. You're right. Being mad at you and arguing is taking my mind off what's really happening around me and it's easier to be mad at you than to face the hard cold facts that unless something comes along soon I will be a permanent resident of California's Department of Corrections. I have too much to worry about than all that mess in our past. The only thing is I can't do anything but lie here in this bed and think and worry."

Jax walks closer to Tara and takes her hand and kisses it softly holding it to his cheek he looks into her weary green eyes. "We're going to find something to keep you from doing time for something you're not guilty of."

Jax fills Tara in on what's being done to prove she's innocent. "I want you to know Ally, Eli, Unser, Big Bill, Lyla and Toric, we're all working on trying to find something on this judge. We are looking for someone who has spent some time with him and has some useful pillow talk we can use against the judge or help us figure things out about the judge."

"Lyla?" Tara questions not liking the idea.

Jax smiles at her. "Yeah, she and Big Bill are out networking in the streets looking for a previous conquest of the judge's, or anyone who might have something useful for us."

Tara's horrified. "I don't want Lyla out there it's not safe, something could happen to her. The kids...? Jax, it's too risky to have her out there. The kids won't be able to survive another loss."

"I know Tara, but there's no stopping Lyla, she wants to help her family. Babe we tried to talk her out of it but we couldn't stop her. She's not out there unprotected. Big Bill is with her and he won't let anything happen to her. I was going to go with her." Jax chuckles, "But she said I wasn't savvy enough. That I still reek of biker and I would scare the girls away." Tara starts to smile and Jax looks at her quizzically. "What? What is it? Why the big shit eating grin? What am I missing?" Tara smile grows wider. It's been a long time since Jax has seen a true smile on Tara's face, even if he doesn't know why it's there he still loves seeing it.

"Nothing."

"Don't tell me, nothing Tara. I know that smile on your face something's going on."

"Lyla has a thing for Big Bill."

"Really? Jax chuckles, "I didn't see that coming. Does he know?" Jax smiles. "Lyla has been through enough she deserves to be happy with someone who loves her." Jax knows Opie didn't. Hell everyone knows and he suspects Lyla knows too.

"Not unless she has told him here recently he doesn't. You know how shy Lyla is. I have never understood how she could do porn and be so sweet and shy. I guess she goes to a different place in her head." Tara shakes her head. She has never understood the connection Lyla has with the porn industry and probably never will. Tara is a mother and knows she too would do anything to feed her children and provide a roof over their head. She just has a hard time thinking doing porn would be one of them.

Jax thinks. _I have often wondered the same thing. I always wondered how my best friend could've been involved with someone who makes a living sucking dick and eating pussy more or less marry one, especially not after being married to sweet and lovable Donna._

_I know I'm not innocent. The porn industry almost destroyed my relationship with Tara. My one night romp in the sack still weighs heavy on Tara's mind especially now Lee Toric has stirred up the hornet's nest in her head._

Jax doesn't want to take the smile off Tara's face but he needs to talk about the trial. "We need to talk about your trial, about the charges. I'm going to talk to Ally and tell her what Dr. Raymond said today about how long you will be in here," Jax starts pacing as he talks to Tara. "The prosecution knows you're married to the President of the Sons of Anarchy and you didn't tell anyone you're affiliated with the SONS and you falsified your application to work in the prison."

_What I fear the most is Tara being used by ATF and she end up like Donna. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about Donna dying. About all that was lost when she was murdered by her husband's own club; my own club, when Clay sent Tig behind everyone's back to kill a member. Instead, their fucked up plan got a mother, wife and beautiful woman who never hurt anyone killed. She was even doing a good deed the night she died; a good deed for me. She was helping clean up after Abel's homecoming party and went to get some dishwashing liquid because I was out. There's a part of me that will always feel guilty, guilty for Donna getting killed because she was helping me and guilty for being glad it wasn't Opie_. Jax shakes his head trying to get the image of Donna's dead body out of his mind.

Tig drove up beside Donna when he thought it was a brother and opened fire but killed Opie's wife instead. Jax can't put a hit on Tara. There's no way he could do that and he would kill anyone who tried. She would never say anything about the club. If she was Tara would have done it when she left to go to San Diego over a decade ago. Even with all the shit that went down when she left it was never considered Tara would rat on the club. Tara was an old lady and she was trusted.

_Tig could take it upon himself and kill Tara convincing himself she will rat. Could he really kill Tara? Tig has done some twisted evil things for the club but he likes Tara, but he loves his club more._ _Fucking great now I have to worry about Tig, or maybe the whole club, if Tara doesn't get off soon. Oh shit! We really have to find out who is doing this and soon. Wait, maybe that's what whoever's setting her up wants. They want Tara killed by the club want to get rid of her. _Jax's head is spinning he needs to think, he's never considered this. _Or they could possibly hit her with charges against the club claiming she was privy to all the illegal happenings of the club since she's the president's old lady._

Jax shuts his eyes and squeezes the bridge of his nose trying to stop the tears from falling that isn't going to help Tara it will only get her upset and only make matters worse. She'll start crying. As emotional and exhausted as she is right now he can't handle it. Jax's already doing his best trying to keeping it together from worrying about Tara here in the hospital sick looking like death warmed over.

Jax worries. _What's the reason Otto killed Pam Toric, the nurse? And why? _It isn't what Jax, knows that bothers him, it's what he doesn't know. Tara's watching Jax as he starts pacing faster. Jax can take care of what he knows but he can't do shit about what he doesn't. "Did Otto say anything when he killed the nurse? Anything at all?"

Tara looks at Jax confused, "No, he just killed her. He never said anything, nothing at all. He just started stabbing her in the neck repeatedly with Luann's cross. Why?" Tears fill Tara's eyes as she shudders, thinking about that awful day. She doesn't want to ever remember it again, she's hoping the day will soon come she can put it behind her and never have to relive that nightmare over again and again. Tara feels like she's always running from some kind of nightmare and she's tired, physically tired.

"I don't know. For some reason I have been thinking this isn't about me or the club but instead about Pamela Toric. That Otto wasn't after us, he was after the nurse. If he wanted to hurt me or the club he would have caused me the same pain he felt I caused him- he would have killed you." Jax watches for Tara's reaction.

Tara looks at Jax taking in what he just told her. "It sounds promising. It puts a new perspective on things."

Jax starts thinking. _Time's running out for Tara and I don't know what to do._ His stomach is in knots, he hasn't been able to eat for days. This isn't unlike when he first fell in love with Tara, he couldn't eat or sleep, she was always in his dreams and thoughts, but his thoughts now haunt him. The palms of his hands stay sweaty all the time and he can't stop scrubbing them against his jeans and from running them through his hair constantly. This self-soothing action has now become more aggravating as he's now pulling his hair as he runs his hands through it tugging on the tussled dirty blond locks.

Tara has had enough Jax is making her dizzy pacing. "Jax baby, please stop. Stop pacing. Sit down please, you're driving me crazy." Jax jumps when Tara speaks he has been so deep in thought he has forgotten Tara's in the room.

"I'm sorry I was just thinking." Jax has the weight of the world on his shoulders- maybe not the whole world- his world; Tara, Abel and Thomas. His family's happiness and future are all at stake and Jax has to find a way to keep his family together.

Jax hopes Lyla has better luck in her quests for information from the escorts than he is in finding out who's responsible for this mess his wife's in. "Babe, I need to go check on some things. We have a meeting tomorrow to see if Lyla has heard anything from the streets. I'll be back if I can before Neeta leaves. I love you." Jax bends down kissing Tara long and slow savoring the feel of her tongue tangling with his. Virus or not he's kissing his wife, it's been too long. He needs to feel the warmth of her lips. The feel of her tongue sliding against his and judging for the moan coming from Tara she needs it too. They stay together like this for a little while so their bodies can recharge the strength they need until they can be together again.

Out of breath Tara smiles shyly at Jax. "I love you too Jax. Don't worry baby something will come up." Tara musters with confidence she doesn't have. Tara needs Jax calm, thinking straight for the boys, he has to keep his head on straight for them. "Come back when you can. Don't rush, do what you have to do I'm not going anywhere. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to see the boys. I miss them so much Jax." Tara is trying her best to hold her tears until after Jax leaves. She knows she won't be able to see the boys for some time but it seems to ground Jax if he thinks he can bring the boys in to see her.

"I know babe, they miss you too. I'm going to go." Jax kisses Tara on the forehead and rests his forehead on hers for a moment he kisses her lips quickly then he turns and walks out of the room.

As soon as the door closes Tara bursts out in sobs as Tig walks in. Tig walks over to Tara and wraps his arm around her shoulders. "It's going to be alright Doll, everything will be alright." Tara nods her head because it has to be.

Tara catches her breath and composes herself and Tig sits in the chair beside her bed. "Sorry. I can't let Jax see me break down like this he has so much on his plate right now worrying about me and taking care of the boys."

"I'm so tired Tig. I hurt all over all I have done since I've been here is throw up and sleep and I'm still tired. My throat is starting to bleed because it's so raw from throwing up. I just feel like shit and I'm so weak. I have this trial coming up and I'm going to be going to jail. I don't know what to do Tig."

Tig looks at Tara with pleading eyes. "Rest, Tara. Get some sleep and you'll feel better. Close your eyes and get some rest. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Tara nods. "Okay."

Tara knows Jax is right. Her stressing over Ima has nothing to do with Jax or his past mistake or even Ima. It all has to with Tara's current situation. Lee Toric came in and stirred things up and it's easier to stay mad and pick fights with Jax than it is to think about her present predicament.

Tara feels the stress leave her body. She knows it's stupid but just knowing someone is beside her watching over her as she sleeps calms her. Tara becomes lighter feeling as her eyelids get heavier with each flicker until they can't open anymore and she succumbs to sleep.

* * *

Jax's day has been a long unproductive day and he never makes it back to see Tara again before time for Neeta to leave. Jax does talk to her on the phone and she sounds better than she did earlier. Jax has been contemplating telling Tara about Wendy's visit yesterday but decides it would be the same like it was with Ima and Tara really needs to stay calm. So he's just going to wait and to tell her when things settle down.

Jax and the boys spend some 'men' time together, since Neeta fed and gave the boys their baths before Jax got home so he can chill with his sons. The boys start yawning as they lie with Jax on the couch watching a movie. Before they fall completely asleep Jax gets the boys up and puts them in their beds. Jax is exhausted. He didn't get much sleep last night for worrying about the boys so he goes on to bed too.

* * *

Howling at the shadows dancing is the bright full moon light the dog next door wakes Jax from a deep slumber. Jax rolls over and grabs Tara's pillow clutching it tightly to his chest. Moments like this, is when Jax misses Tara the most. If she was home and he was startled awake or nights he's worried and can't sleep Tara will cuddle closer and run her fingers through Jax's hair gently massaging his scalp with her fingernails lulling him back to sleep. Jax rolls over to see what time it is... almost 3 a.m.

Thinking of Tara's nimble fingers raking through his hair, her short nails gently scraping his scalp Jax's eyes close, he drifts back asleep. Jax is startled awake when Thomas, starts howling like the dog next door.

Jax gets up quickly and hurries to Thomas' room. Jax lifts his howling son out of his crib. Jax didn't have the baby monitor on and he doesn't know how long Thomas has been crying but he knows it's been a long time because he's having breathing spasms. Thomas is wet with sweat and his little face is red and soaked with tears. Thomas starts to calm down when he sees his daddy come into the room. Jax figures Tara must hear Thomas on the baby monitor and has been dealing with a scared crying Thomas on her own because Jax has never heard Thomas or the soon to be dead dog before. Granted Jax is a sound sleeper but Jax hasn't always been home and there were many nights when he got home it was almost dawn.

Jax has one tired, scared, tear soaked, red hot baby missing the gentle soothing touch of the woman who gave birth to him, his whole world; his mommy. Jax strips Thomas of his wet pajamas trying to cool him down- Thomas has worked himself into a rage. After taking Thomas' pajamas off Jax changes Thomas' diaper Jax just decides to leave him in a diaper and not put any pajamas back on him letting him cool down. Holding Thomas securely in his arms Jax runs his fingers through Thomas' hair causing Thomas' breath to hitch before Thomas lays his head on Jax's shoulder letting out a big sigh. Jax stands in the middle of the room holding Thomas gently patting his back swaying back and forth until all the tension has left his baby's body.

Jax understands now why Thomas is afraid of the neighbor's dog. Scared shitless would be more like it. Thomas hates the dog and is always pointing his chubby little finger at the dog shaking his head saying "no, no, ba, ba" now Jax understands why. Jax figures the only reason he doesn't hear the dog is because Thomas' bedroom is the only bedroom on the other side of the house where the dog is and Thomas must hear the dog all the time. How long this has been happening he doesn't know, but Jax is going to make damn sure Thomas never has to fear that goddamn dog again.

Jax sets Thomas down on the couch in Thomas' room while Jax goes and warms up a bottle. If Tara knew Jax has been giving Thomas a bottle she would have a fit. She's taken the bottle away from him except for when he asks and she has him almost weaned from that. But right now Jax feels that Thomas needs the security of his bottle and is pretty sure he could use one himself.

When Jax comes back into the room he doesn't see Thomas. Jax goes back to his own room and Thomas isn't in there. He quietly peeks in Abel's room nothing. Walking back the way he just came from still nothing, looking in the kitchen and living room no Thomas. Jax is starting to panic walking back to the scene of the disappearance Jax can hear a giggle from under the crib. Jax got down on his hands and knees and there's Thomas sitting under his crib clapping his hands and laughing at Jax.

Abel appears at the door rubbing his eyes and sleepily asks his dad. "Daddy...? Are you okay?"

Jax looks up at his oldest son. Am I okay? I'm far from okay. "Yeah, I thought I lost your brother."

"He likes to do that." Abel tells Jax as he walks over to stand beside Jax. "He crawls under there and hides from Mommy and she acts like she can't find him. I help her look for him then he laughs and we get on the floor and find him. He likes that game. Do you need me to help you?"

Jax looks at Abel and smiles. "I found him. I didn't know the game. I'm going to give him a bottle and try to get him back to sleep. Why don't you go on and go back to bed?"

"Okay. Daddy... when's Mommy coming home? I want Mommy to come home... I miss her."

"I want her home too, Abel. We're okay in here, go on back to bed and get some sleep." Jax hugs Abel and kisses him. "Goodnight."

"Okay," Abel kisses Jax's cheek. "Goodnight Daddy."

Jax turns his attention back to the baby sitting under the crib with a big smile on his face. When he sees Jax's face he starts laughing again."

Jax smiles. "Come on Buddy let's drink this bottle and then go back to sleep."

As soon as Thomas sees the bottle he crawls out from under the crib standing up to hug Jax's neck. Jax picks Thomas up and sits in the rocking chair holding his son close to his chest as Jax listens to Thomas drink his bottle while Jax rocks him. The rocking lulls both Jax and Thomas to sleep... until the neighbor's dog starts howling again and they're jolted awake. When Thomas' little body jerks his bottom lip begins to quiver, his big blue eyes pool with tears. Thomas looks up at Jax, to see his daddy's reaction, upon seeing his father's smiling face Thomas smiles a small watery smile. "I don't know about you Buddy but I think we need to go sleep in Daddy's bed for the rest of the night. Don't you?" Jax is ready to take his 9mm out in the back yard and put an end to the asshole next door's fucking dog.

Thomas nods his head and scrubs his eyes with his little fists drying the tears as he yawns. Jax kisses the side of Thomas' soft head and holds Thomas close to him as Thomas lays his head on Jax's shoulder and nuzzles into the crook of his daddy's neck.

Jax doesn't know what he would have done if it hadn't been for his boys during this ordeal. Abel and Thomas keep him grounded and remind Jax he knows how to be a father, a good father. Jax's sons, have kept him from making any mistakes he can't undo or take back. They've helped save Jax from himself.

Father and son head down the hall to Mommy and Daddy's room to get a good night's sleep. Jax lies down with Thomas wedged in beside Jax and pillows surrounding him. Jax smiles when he shuts his eyes already hearing soft baby snores beside him.


	12. Chapter 12

Jax arrives at the clubhouse to meet with Ally, Lee Toric, Unser, Eli, Bobby, Chibs, Juice and Lyla to go things and make sure they don't overlook anything. They all start talking back and forth trying to come up with something they haven't thought of before.

Toric asks Lyla to explain the process of how the escort service sets up appointments. Lyla explains to him. "The men come to the brothel and request an escort. If they want a particular escort at a certain time then they call in and make an appointment. Some of the johns have standing appoints, they could be weekly and some daily. If it is an off premises hook up the men call in, and if they are a known customer and already have an escort in mind the john requests that escort and a time then he's given a time and place to meet. For new johns the escort has someone with her when they meet. We block out the time in the computer and then put in the place. All meeting places are safe places we use, nowhere else. The information is only known by the client, the escort and the scheduler."

As the group talks running ideas back and forth Lyla's phone rings. She gets up and leaves the table to answer it in private. When Lyla comes back into the room voices have gotten loud and heated going back and forth. She clears her throat but no one hears her, she does it again a little louder this time everyone turns and looks at Lyla expectantly. "That was a girl who was contacted by someone we talked to yesterday. She's an old escort who got out of the business a couple of years ago but before she got out Judge Walker was a regular of hers." Lyla has everyone's undivided attention. "She remembers one of Nero's guys in the Byz Lats got in some deep shit years ago. He killed a young girl by mistake; a hit gone wrong. Nero went to Judge Walker and the Judge got the banger off by hiding some evidence."

Jax asks, "Does she remember when?"

"No she said it was years ago and she has been out of the business for a couple of years."

The group decides Ally, Unser and Eli will see if they can find any documentation on a Byz Lat member's case under Judge Walker, Byz Lat member involved in any way with the death of a young girl. Juice will check through all nearby periodicals for any connection between Byz Lats and a young girl's death. Lee Toric will check through data bases the others don't have access to.

Before the group disburses Jax turns to Eli and Unser. "I need the Browns' German Shepherd taken care of."

Unser looks at Jax amused. "Are you putting a hit out on a dog, son?

"Not yet. But I will do it myself if he's still there this evening. I have a bullet with the four legged bastard's name on it."

Eli looks at Jax. "What has the dog done to you that has you wanting to 'get rid' of it?

"The son of a bitch has terrorized by son for months and it stops now. The fuckers lucky I'm giving him a chance to live, and didn't blow his brains out last night."

Eli asks, "Did he bite him?"

"No. He stands by Thomas' window and howls all night scaring him. If you had seen Thomas last night you'd kill him too. He was petrified. It stops now." Jax slams his hand on the table.

"How long has this been going on? Does he run free?" Eli wants to know.

"I don't know how long you have to ask Tara but Thomas has always been afraid of the dog. Yes, at night they let him roam."

"I'll have animal control pick the dog up and quarantine him for suspected rabies because of his behavior. Then we'll come up with something to have the dog placed somewhere where he doesn't bother anyone."

"You're going to kill him?" Juice asks horrified.

"No. He will be placed with a rescue family out in the country. That way he won't bother anyone else."

"That's fine. I don't care what you do with him, just as long as he's gone and that asshole doesn't come after my family. I don't care about me. But he better not come near Tara or our boys about this."

"No, he won't. Since he's let loose at night and roams the neighborhood it could be anyone. Like you said, he's been let loose for a while now you would have done something before now if it was you."

Jax nods. "Okay. Now let's go take care of my other family problem at hand, freeing my wife."

Juice heads back to his office to start his search. Ally, Unser and Eli leave in their different directions to begin digging around trying to link any involvement they can between Judge Walker and the Byz Lats. With strict orders from Jax, Lyla leaves to pick the kids up from school then she's to head home. She's done great, but her involvement with this is finished.

After everyone else leaves the room Jax stops Toric from leaving by stepping in front of him as Toric heads towards the door. "I want to know why you're so intent to cause trouble between me and my wife." Jax asks him.

Toric looks Jax in the eye. "What do you mean? I'm not doing anything to your wife."

Jax blows out a pent-up breath. "What is it to you about a bad decision I made two years ago and what does it have to do with Tara's trial? We are over this. Tara's over this. So why are you so intent on bringing this up? What's it to you?" Jax is starting to become suspicious of Toric with Tara. Why is Toric so worried about Tara?

Toric confidently tells Jax. "I understand the scorned woman and believe me your wife isn't over it. You need to wake up and see the beautiful woman in front of your eyes before she's gone and you can't get her back."

"I know what a beautiful woman my wife is. I love my wife. Tara is the only woman I have ever loved and not you or anyone else is going to come between us," Jax is enraged. Everyone one has something to say about his and Tara's relationship and it's getting old and he's tired of hearing everyone talk about them, like Jax isn't standing right there. He's at his boiling point no one comes between him and Tara- retired marshal, insane ATF agent, not anyone_._ "Still, what's it to you?" Jax is tired of this dog and pony show. "What are you doing man?" Jax asks him.

Toric is confused. "What do you mean?"

"You don't give a shit about Tara or Ima, and you sure as shit don't care about me. It's all a smoke screen. There's something else going on here. Why did Otto kill your sister? Even yet why is he still alive? I would think you would've killed him yourself by now or have someone else do it."

Toric stares Jax down. "That's on you and your club."

"No... Otto would have killed Tara, if it was about the club. When Luann was killed he was devastated. If he was trying to get even with me or the club then Tara would be dead. He would even the score. No, something else is going on. You wouldn't be helping Tara if you thought Tara or the club's responsible for your sister's death." Jax is becoming more confident he's on to something.

"I know your wife isn't responsible. It's your club that's responsible. Your wife is an innocent as was my sister. Your wife has suffered enough because of your club. Tara has to have someone to look out for her."

Jax is seething. He hisses, "She has someone to look out for her."

"Really? Who might that be, you?" Toric laughs, "Where were you, when she was held at gunpoint and your son was kidnapped? Where were you, when she was kidnapped? Why didn't you stop the attack on her when her hand was destroyed and she was almost taken away? Why was she working in a prison in the first place? You have failed your wife Teller, and I'm here to make sure you don't fail her again. Not when her life can be taken away from her because we both know she won't survive in prison. She can't survive that life. You say you love your wife but you let her go in a prison to work trying to get your ass free of RICO charges. I'm here to protect her from you and your club." Toric dispassionately tells Jax in Jax's face.

_That's it... he doesn't care. He's just pissed the club got out from under the RICO charges. Toric has finally shown his hand. Now I just have to figure it all out. How does Toric know all this about Tara and I? I know Tara, didn't tell him someone else had to, but who? Definitely no one from the club would say anything so who? Ima? Why would she tell, unless it's to get even with Tara, and I? Ima thought she could take Tara's place, not knowing no one can ever take Tara's place. No...Ima is just a pawn in Toric's little game. Where is he getting his information? More importantly what is he going to do with it?_

_Who is Lee Toric? Besides retired US Marshal, and what does that mean anyway, if he's here working? I've wondered this since Toric first appeared questioning his sister's death. I get it, I would do the same thing, but why dive into a personal problem, a big problem of ours? Why is Toric dredging all this up? Is he here just to cause trouble between me and Tara? Is this payback for his sister's death? Don't punish SAMCRO punish me, by tearing Tara away from me? Otto had always thought it was my fault for Luann's death, so it would stand to reason Otto would want me, not the club to suffer. _

_Toric's sister was the most precious thing in Toric's life so he thinks I'm responsible for her death so he's going to take the most precious thing in my life; my wife. Playing on Tara's insecurities, putting doubt between us by making her think there's something between me and Ima. Trying to knock Tara down before she goes in, leaving Tara totally broken. She lets her guard down thinking he's the only one who can help her. He's the only one she can trust and then when she least expects it he comes in and slams the jail cell shut on her. Not really helping, all along it was all just a farce. It isn't hurting just me it's hurting Tara too. It's still hurting Tara. He's punishing her too... for his sister? _

_Bringing up Ima tears Tara's heart out. It also brings up a very bad time in our lives, Abel's kidnapping. The kidnapping tore us both up and ripped our hearts out. Abel, our baby, was taken from us and I cracked and lost my mind and my way. Tara was hurting on her own because she lost her baby, he was ripped away from her, and she saw a man standing beside her killed right before her eyes. Then I did the unthinkable and went to bed and fucked another woman, because that's all it was, it was just a fuck. It was never an affair I just used Ima to get Tara to stay away from me. It was still inexcusable and wrong. I should have never done it. It almost cost me the woman I love more than life and I will never make that mistake again, never, there won't be a next time. _

Jax looks Toric in the face, eyes boring through Toric. "Where were you when your sister was killed?" Toric narrows his eyes and gives Jax and hard dark look but Toric doesn't have anything to say. Jax can see it in his face. Jax questions Toric. "You say you don't want Tara hurt, then why are you hurting her now? Are you sure you're not doing this to get back at her from killing your sister? If you know so much about scorned women then you know you're tearing her heart out right now. You are slowly killing her taking her husband away. You're trying to get her off the murder charge but at the same time causing her to doubt my love and devotion for her by bringing up the second worse thing to happen in our lives throwing it in her face making her reassess her choices and decisions. Causing her to have insecure thoughts thinking she's not good enough for me."

Toric chuckles, "You seem to be more worried about this than your wife. She hasn't gotten upset about this. You're the one who is running around following me confronting me why is that? Are you guilty about something? You sure are worrying about something you claim was over two years ago. Then why should it matter if it was that long ago? Unless you have someone else you're trying to protect."

Jax needs a few minutes to think so he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of a pocket in his cut. Jax needs to slow this down so he can take control or he'll settle for even battle. _This guy is good, he was a top ranking federal marshal he's trained in these situations knows how to break people apart and that's what he's doing. So now I have someone else? He wouldn't just throw something out there and not have something to back it up. _

"Who else have I bedded other than my wife?"

"I didn't say it wasn't your wife."

Jax doesn't like the sound of this he's starting to pale. "If it's my wife then what's the problem?"

"Well you seem to have trouble counting. It must have been hard teaching you numbers and the order they go in, what numbers go first. Like hooking back up with your first girlfriend, your first love, making her the second woman in your life, but then hooking back up with your first wife."

Jax knows he's going to be sick. _That night with Wendy was not a hook up. I was just trying to get through the night Donna was murdered and it seems I always get through things with my dick. I knew when I was doing it, it was wrong. Not only for me but for the signals Wendy thought I was sending her. I should have been with Tara that night, but I fucked that up too. Tara got pissed at me about Wendy and slapped me and left. I still should have tried to reach out to Tara instead of Wendy. __Wendy was just there, and willing, more than willing. It was Abel's first night home and I couldn't leave. I should have called Tara to come back, but Wendy was there and it wouldn't have been fair to Wendy. There I go putting Wendy before Tara again. Still I shouldn't have slept with Wendy. This is so insignificant to our relationship... hell to anything. It happened and it was over._

"What are you talking about?"

_I know exactly what Toric's talking about I'm beginning to feel like my mother or Wendy have been running their mouths. I wasn't aware Wendy said anything to my mother. She never said anything about it to me. It seems my mother and Wendy, have become fast friends, I wonder how long this has been going on. Wendy's trip to the house and now sharing what happened between us that night. Of course Gemma could have been saving this little tidbit of information for something like this to really cause trouble for me. Yeah, now that sounds more like Gemma. Still I don't know where he's getting his information from he doesn't seem the type to put up with Gemma._

"Like you bedding your ex-wife, while the love your life was at home crying her eyes out. You have a history of hurting this woman you claim is so precious to you. How many other times have you disregarded her feelings Teller? How many times have you been with another girl or woman since you proclaimed your love to her at sixteen? The whole time you've been together? How many times are you going to keep hurting her over and over? You have a pattern here and I'm not going to let it happen again. Your wife is a very precious gem and she needs to be taken care of so she can shine and you Teller you haven't been taking care of her. So if you don't mind, I'm leaving now to go work on getting your wife out of jail and away from murder charges."

Before Jax can say anything Toric, turns and is out the door.

_Toric, didn't go on about Wendy, he must have felt she isn't a big enough threat. He is just letting me know he knows about her. I never told anyone about it so if anyone else knows Wendy told them. I can see Wendy running to Gemma telling her about it, telling Gemma we are together again. That sounds like Wendy's delusion. How the fuck did he know Tara was home crying?_

_Of course, Tara was pissed that night she felt I thought I used her and was getting back together with Wendy that's what we fought about. Maybe Tara said something to Toric about Wendy and her suspicions of us being together. Toric thought he could trip me up and get me to confess to something. That was a messed up night Abel came home. The tension in the air with Wendy being there in the first place which he knows his mother was pushing that. Pushing Wendy in and filling her head with bullshit against me and Tara. Wendy has always been easy to manipulate but I have come to realize Wendy is actually the manipulator. She kept me coming back for a couple of years making me feel sorry for her. Tara saw it right away._

_I told Tara I didn't want to do anything to upset Wendy she's in a delicate condition, a heartbeat being sober. But I didn't tell Wendy not to upset Tara. Tara felt I cared more about Wendy's feelings than hers and I honestly did. I felt Tara was stronger more self-assured never realizing Tara was just as lost if not more than Wendy. Tara felt I had married Wendy and the bond was stronger than it was, never realizing there wasn't a bond at all, just a piece of paper. I never loved Wendy and would have never married her if I was sober. When Abel came home Tara and I were in an undefined relationship and I was basically telling her she didn't matter. That was the furthest thing from the truth but I said it. I should have stood up to Wendy but if I'm honest with myself Wendy was playing me like she always had. Using my guilt, of being with her, but loving Tara, and thinking I was messing up Wendy's life, against me. I caved like always but this time I had Tara to pull me out. I finally saw what Wendy was doing. I was the one who was getting played and manipulated by Wendy, using my own guilt against me. I put a stop to it right then and there._

_I don't believe Toric's shit for one minute, he knows what he's doing, he knows exactly what he's doing. He's a trained federal marshal he knows how to work these circumstances. Where and how to put a wedge to drive a suspect apart, but this is personal. He's going to dig deeper and dig up all he can to destroy the two people he feels are responsible for his sister's death. But what about Otto he's the one who killed his sister not us. I didn't put a hit on her. I didn't ask Otto to do it for the club. Sure as hell didn't ask him to kill her in front of my wife. Other than Tara being there to get the RICO case dropped against us that has nothing to do with the nurse. This guy has connections on the inside he can have Otto taken care of. Hell he can get in there and take care of Otto himself, but he hasn't. He hasn't come about Otto, he came after Tara but he's helping Tara. It's me he's fucking with._

_Toric doesn't want Tara behind bars. He wants her living out here away from me, punishing her because evidently, he knows about the deal breaker so he's going to push that point until she leaves me. Then I will be punished by having my family taken away from me with knowing how I was when I lost Abel. Tara taking the boys away would destroy me again. Is that what he's trying to do? Take my whole family away from me and destroying my life completely? My family is all I have left and I will not lose them, not a single one of them. _

_Or is he thinking I won't let Tara take Abel? That I would take her son away from her, rip him from her arms then our family will be split apart but he doesn't realize Tara is Abel's mother. There is not a love shared by a mother and son any greater than the love between Abel and Tara. No one's breaking them up. I won't let them. Not Gemma, Wendy and definitely not Lee Toric. One thing he's got right, Tara, is an innocent and he's not going to fucking touch or talk to her again. Now how do I do that without pissing Tara off and keeping the bomb of Wendy from blowing up?_

Jax hits the table with his fist and kicks a chair across the room. "FUCK." Chibs and Juice come running into the room to see what's the matter?

"What is it Jackie?"

"Toric. It isn't about Tara or the club. It has something to do with Pam Toric, his sister, and Otto. If Otto wanted to punish me or the club then Tara would be dead but instead it's Pamela Toric. Why would Otto kill the nurse? Not for SAMCRO. What message is he sending? And to who? Who else would Otto kill for?"

Chibs looks at Jax thinking. "Someone on the inside he made friends with? One of our enemies? We had so many when this went down. Cartel?"

"Yeah that's true we did. But my gut says there's something more. Toric, came in blowing a smoke screen and I fell for it, but not before we're completely choked to death. Toric's using Tara's, Ima's and my past history to cause friction between, Tara and I. He never once mentioned one of our enemies. Whatever the real reason is for Otto killing the nurse it's big, it's real big by the size of the smoke they're blowing. We need to find out the reason for the hit."

Juice chimed in. "He's smart. That's what they do. Have you doubting yourself and your loved ones. Usually one leaves to get away because it's too painful to see the other. This keeps them busy and they don't see what's happening right before their eyes."

Chibs looks at Juice not knowing whether to believe him or not. "Where did you learn all that fancy shite?"

"From TV"

Jax and Chibs laugh. Juice is offended. "Laugh if you want but I have learned a lot from TV that I've used here on other cases.

"Okay, since it's so easy and you're so smart find out what it is. Find out everything you can on the nurse. Find out who has been visiting Otto. Look through the visitor logs. Find out everything about Otto since he's been in prison- his cellmates, his cellmate's cellmates, their lovers in and out of prison everything. Let me know when you get all of this done. We need it soon we only have five days if we can't get a medical continuance. We don't have much time."

Juice runs off and Chibs looks at Jax with disbelief. "Are you going to just let the idiot do the work?"

"No. Do I look dumb? I going to see what I can find out about this marshal and you're going to keep the fort down."

"Will do Jackie. Don't worry about anything here."

* * *

Lee Toric pulls out of Teller Automotive and picks up his phone immediately and calls some contacts and makes arrangements to start this afternoon to look through the detailed information from all the cases Judge Walker has tried. This will take time and time is precious but this is the only way to do it properly. After hanging up he makes another call dialing a familiar number.

"Teller knows something's up. He's not stupid if that's what you were counting on. He didn't get where he is by being stupid, he's far from it.'

"No. I was only able to get to her when her defenses were down. She was sick, weak and worried about going to prison. Yeah she's still worried but she's starting to get better and after he talks to her she'll see it too."

"No. I have to stay here. I still have to work on this case. I have to keep up appearances and stick with it or our cover might be blown. I also want to see who this witness is, and who has this type of pull. If it has anything we might need, this is still about Pam's death. We know Judge Walker is dirty and we have a lead so that's where I'm headed now to look through the old court cases. Yeah I'll get back to you." Toric hangs up shaking his head. _Let's see how smart you really are Teller_.


	13. Chapter 13

Jax wakes yet to another morning with the same sparkling blue eyes staring him in the face but this morning he woke because he was being poked in the chest by a little sharp finger. "Mornin' bud what are you doing?"

"Daddy your phone keeps ringing."

Jax reaches for the phone on the nightstand beside the bed, "Yeah?" Jax rakes his hand through his hair and rubs his neck.

"Jax, it's Eli, I'm at the courthouse, the Byz Lat's case has been brought to the attention of the Judicial Review Board, and they have been up all night going over all the documents. The Justice System Integrity Division (JSID) put an emergency freeze on all Judge Walker's cases, which includes Tara's, giving us a little more time to find the answers we are looking for. We are working now on getting Tara's witness' statement unsealed. I'll call you back when we know something."

"Okay, thanks man."

"Don't mention it. I want to find out who's causing so much trouble in my jurisdiction and why."

"You're not the only one."

"I'll call you later."

Jax looks up at Abel still standing there. "Are you hungry?" Abel nods. Jax picks Abel up and carries him down the hall. "Go on watch cartoons while I check on your little brother then I'll fix pancakes for breakfast."

Abel hops into the living room and turns on the TV then sits down on the floor in front of it while Jax walks down the hall towards Thomas' room.

* * *

After waiting all morning at the courthouse for word on when the witness statement in Tara's case will be opened Eli and Unser head to the diner across the street to get something to eat while they wait. Halfway to the diner Lee Toric calls. Eli looks at Unser. "They're getting ready to bust the seal." Eli and Unser both turn around and take off back to the courthouse they just came from.

When they arrive at the courthouse Eli is summoned to the conference room where the review board is set up. Unser waits nervously out in the hall shifting from one foot to the other.

Pressure from within the JSID investigating Judge Walker's cases, has Tara's case the first case to be investigated. The first thing on the agenda is to open the witness statement Judge Walker sealed before anyone else had a chance to see it.

Everyone in the conference room stops what they're doing and turn their attention to the lead investigator getting ready to open the infamous witness statement. The statement is finally open. The lead investigator reads what the witness states_: __**I know for a fact that Dr. Tara Knowles knew Otto Delany was going to kill the nurse, Pamela Toric, with the cross she took him. Dr. Knowles smuggled the cross into the prison with the sole intent for Otto Delany, to kill Pamela Toric, with it. The knowledge of this information is due to a statement Dr. Knowles made to me.**_ The statement is signed Gemma Morrow.

"The outlaw biker queen herself," Toric huffs. "Tara's right Gemma's a conniving evil bitch," Toric sneers and turns towards Eli shaking his head. Lee Toric is furious he was hoping the statement would have something useful in finding out who's really responsible for his sister's death. Not some bullshit of an overbearing incestuous mother jealous of her daughter-in-law. Now the officials investigate whether there is any evidence to back up Mrs. Morrow's statement since there's speculation on all of Judge Walker's cases of immoral conduct. Everything has to be examined piece by piece and check the authenticity.

This is good it's just what Tara needs. Eli is given the responsibility of bringing Gemma Morrow to the courthouse to verify her previous statement. Eli walks out of the office and meets up with Unser in the hall. He only has to say one word. "Gemma."

Unser inhales a silent chuckle. He's not surprised nothing Gemma does anymore surprises him. "What now?"

"I'm on my way to pick Gemma up and bring her in to swear to her statement being true. The statement Gemma made is the only thing in the case file. Once they find there's no evidence to back Gemma's statement or they find evidence Gemma lied, then the charges against Tara will be dropped. Gemma's association with Nero and Nero's involvement with the Byz Lats is suspicious. And Judge Walker's involvement in the Biz Lats case leaves doubts of Gemma's credibility as a witness. Making it Gemma's word against Tara's therefore, the charges against Tara should be dropped. Should be." Eli pats Unser on the back. "It won't be long now."

Unser inquires, "Are you going to call Jax?"

"I don't know. I'm thinking about waiting to see what happens with Gemma. It's one o'clock now I'll wait until I get back with her. I would like for her to be behind bars before I call him but that won't be happening today."

"You don't think so?"

"No. They'll question her and then look and see if there's anything to back her statement. It's not about Tara, now it's about Gemma, and what she has attested to. If there isn't anything to back her statement then the charges against Tara will be dropped."

This is what Unser's been waiting for he hopes some balance finally returns to the club more importantly, Jax and Tara. Ever since JT has been gone the club, with Clay and Gemma in control, has been in danger of being unable to right itself but now there's a chance it can finally be rectified.

Unser doesn't know whether he should stay or whether he should go and tell Tara the news. The thought of staying and seeing Gemma come in and finally have to be responsible for something she has done to someone else is appealing to him. Besides... he did promise JT, he would be here to see this when the day finally came. Decision made. He'll wait right here for Gemma to be brought in. "I think I'll stay here and wait for you to bring Gemma in. I want to see her face."

Eli puts on his shades. "Yeah, I have to go track her down."

Unser smiles. "If she isn't home feeding that damn bird then she's with Nero at the Escort Service."

"Yeah." Is all Eli says on his way out the door.

Unser follows Eli out before he heads back over to the diner they were headed previously to get a cup of coffee and something to eat while he waits for Eli, to get back with Gemma.

* * *

Jax waits nervously at home for Eli to call, but nothing.

Neeta walks in from taking the boys to the park. "Have you heard anything?"

"Nothing. I haven't heard anything since early this morning when Eli called. Now it's..." Jax twists around to see the clock on the kitchen wall. "Three o'clock and I haven't heard anything. Surely they know something by now." Jax goes back to blankly staring into the empty back yard.

Neeta washes the boys up and then she gives them a snack before she puts them down for a nap. Neeta pulls the door to in Abel's room and walks down the hall into the living room and sits next to Jax on the sofa and waits. Waits on word? "Have you talked to Tara today?"

Jax looks over at Neeta just noticing her sitting next to him. He smiles. "Yeah. I talked to her after Eli called. Tig's with her he's the best choice to keep her under control. He can handle her." Jax will never get used to Tara and Tig's new relationship. Tig's the one who can keep her grounded out of all the rest of the guys. Jax shakes his head at all the things that have changed through the years, hell a couple of years. How much they have changed since they pried the gavel from Clay's meaty arthritic hands. Jax isn't aware of how much his life is getting ready to change again.

* * *

Sitting in the shade under the alcove in front of the courthouse Unser waits on a bench for Eli to return. His mind races through the years and the changes in Gemma's life. How she evolved from a wild little girl to a woman who is so jealous of her son's wife she tries to have the wife set up for murder. How Clay and Gemma took away the man her son loved and idolized.

Eli pulls up in front of the courthouse with Gemma Morrow in tow. Unser meets them at the top of the stairs. "Where did you find her?"

"At the escort service."

"Yeah, that's where I figured she would be." Unser watches as Eli leads Gemma up the courthouse steps.

"Why are we here at the courthouse? Gemma turns to look at Eli. I thought this was about a statement? Then she turns and looks at Unser. Why are you here Wayne? What's going on?"

Unser smiles back at his childhood friend seeing the unsurety in her eyes. "I just came for the show Gem." Gemma looks back at Unser confused.

"You'll find out shortly," Eli states as he guides her through the double doors and on into the conference room where the review board and Toric await her arrival. After delivering Gemma, Eli walks back out to stand with Unser and waits until the board is finished. Eli's Gemma's ride home, so far.

An hour later Nero arrives at the courthouse just as Gemma finishes her questioning from the board. Gemma leaves the conference room with her head held high and high heels clicking not saying a word as she walks through the courthouse doors to Nero. Eli and Unser watch as Nero leads Gemma down the walk to his truck never saying a word.

Eli waits for Toric to come out of the conference room when Toric does he heads out to speak to Eli and Unser. "She still stands by her statement and agrees that's her signature," Toric states.

Unser speaks up. "What now?"

"Well that was her out. She had a chance to get out of it, to amend her statement. But she testified the signature on the statement is hers and she also testified the statement is true. She gave us a time and date this conversation transpired. She also states this conversation did not take place when she gave Tara the cross it was at a different time. The review board is looking into it now to see if Tara was working at the prison that day if not, where was she. From earlier research I have, Tara was at the prison that date and time. So we'll know in a little while. If they confirm Tara was there at the prison then Tara's free to go. There's enough doubt already and if there is anything that discredits Gemma's statement then the charges will be dropped considering the whole case hinges on her statement. Has anyone called Teller I thought I would see him out here chomping at the bit?"

"Why does she say it was at a different time than when she gave Tara the cross? Unser wonders.

"I don't know, but I would say there's probably a witness who can attest to the exchange, and what if anything was said between the two." Toric responds.

"I talked to Jax this morning early when I got here. He's waiting for me to call him. He would've been here if he knew the case was going to be opened and who the witness is. I made a judgment call and decided that it would be in everyone's best interest if Jax wasn't here to cause a scene. With emotions as high as they are, there more than likely would have been one and Jax and Tara don't need that right now. Things are going to be bumpy enough for them without Jax being locked up. I'll wait until we hear from the prison before I call him or I might drop by and see him on my way to the hospital. Considering the news I'm about to give him, I think in person will work the best." Roosevelt explains as the others nod in approvement.

* * *

It's close to six o'clock in the evening when there's a knock on Jax's door. "I'll get it," he tells Neeta. When Jax opens the door and Eli Roosevelt is standing in his doorway he knows something's wrong. What is it?" Jax questions him.

"Can I come in?" Roosevelt inquires.

"Yeah sure." Jax stands aside to let Eli in.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here Jax. I know you've been on pins and needles all day so I'm going to cut to the chase. We had Tara's case opened today and brought the witness in and they verified the statement's theirs and everything in it is true. A discrepancy was found with the time and date this meeting was supposed to have taken place. At the given time Tara was at the prison and there is documentation to back it up."

"What does that mean?" Jax asks as Neeta comes into the room from the kitchen wring a dish rag in her hand.

Eli calmly tells him. "The charges have been dropped against Tara she's a free woman. It's over."

Neeta tilts her chin up and closes her eyes as she raises her right hand. "Thank you, Jesus."

"Wait." Jax stops. "Who was this witness anyway?"

To say the information Eli is getting ready to tell Jax will rock his world is an understatement it's more like blow the damn thing up. Part of Eli doesn't want to tell Jax but the other part can't wait to tell him. "Gemma Morrow." Neeta's mouth flies open as she drops her dish rag.

Jax clutches the sofa the room starts spinning his heart is racing he feels faint he can't feel his arms and legs he sits down. He feels like he's just been hit by a cannonball. The shock twists his gut his face pales he feels like he's going to puke. He looks at Eli and stammers. "My mother?"

Eli nods affirmation.

Jax scrubs his hands on over his face. "Shit."

"I'm sorry Jax." Eli offered.

Jax is shaking his head. "No... no you don't understand. I'm in some deep shit." Jax turns toward Eli. "Does Tara know?"

"No, I'm on my way there now. I thought I would stop by here first. Thought you might want to head that way with me?"

Jax looks to Neeta who motions for him to go. "Okay man lets go."

* * *

Tara has been sick most of the day and even though no one has said anything everyone knows why she is. When the doors open and Jax walks in with Eli Tara sits up straight in the bed. Jax walks over and kiss her forehead. "Hey, are you feeling any better?" Jax may not have been there today but he has talked to Tara or Tig every thirty minutes throughout the day. Tig gets up and leaves the room to give them some privacy.

Tara's speaks up not waiting for pleasantries. "What's going on? Do we know anything thing?"

Jax looks over at Eli and nods. Eli steps up to the side of the bed. "Tara I'm here to inform you all charges against you for conspiracy to commit murder against Pamela Toric have been dropped. You are now a free woman.

Jax asks, "It's over just like that? It just dissolves?"

"Yeah," Eli nods. "It's over just like that. The charge against you was all based on lies and once the foundation crumbled there were no legs for the case to stand on. Judge Walker has been removed from the bench, his license has been suspended upon further review and a criminal investigation has already begun into the judge himself. His past cases are being reviewed and then they will decide what action needs to be taken. They will also investigate anything Judge Walker had his hands on. Tara's case is the first one to be investigated."

Tara looks at Jax in disbelief as she's trying to fight back tears. Eli excuses himself. "I need to go make some calls and get with Margaret and make the arrangements to have you moved to a different location."

After the door shuts behind Eli, Tara lets out a ragged long sigh as relief washes over her. The relief floods through her veins- I'm free, finally free. Tara looks up at Jax, her eyes brim with tears that spill over onto her cheeks running freely down her face, as she tries to blink them away.

A pang of guilt washes through Jax he knows he has to tell Tara, but Jax's afraid, afraid of what she'll do. It isn't because he wants to keep it from her. Jax just doesn't know how to tell her when he never believed her when she told him his mother was behind it all. "Babe there's more." Tara's tired weary eyes look up into Jax's watery eyes. "The reason the charges were dropped is because they went through the judge's cases while going through your case they found the witness statement."

Tara doesn't need to hear anymore. She can see the hurt on Jax's face. See the turmoil behind his crystal blue eyes, a flash of guilt, sorrow but most of all pure unadulterated love. Tara reaches up and puts her index finger to his lips. She doesn't need to hear anymore she already knows- the pain of betrayal is etched into his skin. She shakes her head. She's not going to make him say it, he doesn't have to; she knows.

* * *

Tara is moved out of the secured area of the hospital she has been in since she was admitted, and into a regular room. The rooms look the same. But to Tara the new room feels like it's bigger, not as cramped. It looks like it's brighter, a brighter shade of beige than the other one. The air doesn't feel as thick it's easier to breathe, easier to think. But as Tara reaches for the trash can the rooms are all the same when you're retching your guts up.

It had been two days since Tara's vomited, two glorious days. The doctors tell her not to worry when they come to take another blood sample, "it could just be from all the excitement of the past few days." Tara nods but doesn't believe a word they say as she restlessly she sits waiting. Finally Dr. Raymond comes in with the results of her blood work in his hands knowing Tara will want to see them for herself.

"Your latest blood work shows the virus has not gotten any worse Tara. As a matter of fact there is only a minimal trace of the virus in your blood. You've had a stressful two weeks and your body isn't just going to jump back to the way it was before. You're going to have to gradually make your way back to where you were physically and mentally. You'll still need to rest, and it will take time for you to be able to eat anything other than soup. You'll be here for three more days and you should be able to gain some strength in that time and eat a little more everyday but you're going to have to do it in intervals resting and eating small amounts of certain foods for a while."

Tara looks at Dr. Raymond nodding her head, not really listening to him but hearing bits and pieces here and there as her mind starts to wander. Tara notices that Dr. Raymond has stopped talking and is looking at her. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about everything that has been going on, it's all been a bit overwhelming, I can't even remember the date."

Dr. Raymond gives Tara a slight smile. "Yes, I imagine it has. But you're on the road to recovery and getting closer to going home to your family. I know they'll be glad to have you home and I know you'll be more than glad to get out of here. Today is the twenty-eighth."

Tara smiles back at him. "Thank you. Apart of me wants to say 'Twenty-eighth already?' But the other part wants to say 'it's only the twenty-eighth?'" Tara sighs, "I can't wait to get home to my boys and sleep in my own bed."

"I have rounds to get to, get some rest and call me if you need me." Dr. Raymond tells her before leaving the room.


	14. Chapter 14

To anyone else it is a normal Tuesday morning, but to Tara Knowles-Teller it's one of the best days of her life. She can taste freedom in the air, and it's the sweetest thing she has ever tasted. She can feel the sun burning her skin, although she's inside, and it's cloudy outside. The birds are chirping loudly, really it's just the wheels on the food carts squeaking. But, none of that matters, today is the day Tara escapes the confounds which have held her prison for two and half weeks, and counting. Tara is so happy she feels like a giddy teenager waiting for Jax Teller to come and pick her up.

"Are you ready to go home?" Tara turns towards the sound of Margaret's voice.

Beaming, Tara walks out of her hospital room's bathroom. "Oh god, yes. Jax's supposed to be here any minute to take me home. I have to thank you, Margaret. Thank you, for everything you've done for me. I don't know what I would have done if it hadn't been for you."

"I just thank god, this whole thing is over, and you're finally free to go home and be with your family. I know the boys have missed you." Margaret sits on the edge of Tara's bed as Tara walks around making sure she hasn't missed anything as she gathers her things.

Abel and Thomas are as equally excited their mommy's getting out of the hospital today and coming home and they don't have to see her in some cold sterile hospital Abel says 'stinks.'

It has been a quick three days since Tara was moved out of the incarceration ward of the hospital into 'general population' as Jax calls it. It doesn't matter how short or how long, Tara gets to go home and that's the most important thing to the Tellers- other than the murder charges against Tara have been dropped.

Margaret watches Tara move around the room. "What are your plans after you get out of here? A party at the clubhouse?" Margaret snickers, knowing Tara feels like partying as much as she feels like staying in the hospital.

Ignorant people have been making comments that Tara was getting off easy by 'getting' to stay in the hospital during her incarceration. One look at her the first week and half she had been admitted; when she was throwing up so much her throat was bleeding, and she had the dry heaves so bad her stomach muscles couldn't quit convulsing no matter how many muscle relaxants they gave her. When fluids and a cocktail of different medicines topped off with broth was her diet during that time, you would know, she wasn't 'getting' off easy.

Between Clay and Gemma Tara's career and reputation has been ruined. After Tara's hand was mangled she was devastated, and mourned what she lost and what could have been. She sank into a deep depression then one day she looked at her son's bright smiling face and she knew none of it mattered. She would gladly do it all over again. The lonely miserable years she spent away from Jax. All the long hours and years she devoted to studying. The days and nights she practically lived at the hospital. She would gladly do it all again, but not for her- for Abel. She would endure all of it if it meant saving her little boy. All the other children and surgeries are just a bonus- Abel is her little miracle.

"I'm going home and get in bed and snuggle up with my babies."

"And Jax?" Margaret asks her friend.

Tara nods. "And Jax."

"How are things going with him?"

Most of the time Jax and Tara have seen each other the boys have been with them and they've been able to ignore the big elephant in the room- Gemma. They know they have to talk about all that's happened, and Gemma in general, but the hospital isn't the place for that impending conversation.

"Okay. We haven't really been able to talk about all that's happened we've been concentrating on the boys and getting me out of here."

As Tara disappears back into the bathroom Margaret asks her. "Since you moved in here have you had many visitors?"

"A few," Tara answers from inside the bathroom.

Tara's had a few visitors since she's been moved, the guys have visited a few times and some of her ex-co-workers from the hospital have stopped in here and there. Now that Tara is no longer a criminal and their reputation won't be ruined if they're seen with her. Mainly though it has just been Jax, Abel, Thomas and herself spending as much time as possible together as a family.

It had been harder and harder to convince Abel that his mommy's sick and not gone off somewhere leaving him behind. Tara hadn't been able to tell the boys goodbye; they were already in bed when she got the call she needed to turn herself in. Abel was starting to get an attitude with Jax and Jax was just about ready to crack. Talking to Tara on the phone didn't help any either it just seemed to frustrate Abel more. Abel still thought his parents were lying to him and he was right, but not for the reasons he thought. Jax and Tara are amazed how astute their son is when something isn't right within his family.

Jax and Tara waited until the last three days for Abel and Thomas to come to the hospital and visit with Tara. They both agree it worked out for the best. They don't think it would have been easy explaining why there's a policeman with a gun touching them before they can get in Mommy's room to see her. Jax and Tara both laugh at all the questions Abel would have. Thomas he would knit his brows together and scrunch his nose up at whoever it was. They can picture Thomas- who hates to be touched by strangers- bring his arm close to his chest and slowly skirt away from the hands trying to touch him until he's behind Jax hiding his face in Jax's leg, along with the theory- if I can't see you, then you can't see me. Luckily none of that happened, or had to happen.

Tara's coming out of the bathroom as Jax walks into the room carrying her bag with the things she requested to wear home. Jax can see the excitement dancing all over Tara's face. "Hey beautiful you about ready to blow this Popsicle stand and go home?" Jax asks as he leans in for a kiss.

Tara flashes Jax a megawatt smile. "As soon as I get dressed I'm fleeing this place discharge papers or not I'm leaving."

Jax turns to the redhead. "Hey, Margaret."

"Hey, Jax. Are you eager to get your wife home?"

Jax nods and smiles reflectively. "Yeah, more than you know."

Margaret stands and pats Jax on the shoulder. "I'll see you two later. I need to get back to finishing things up here so I can move on to the Center. Take care of her and make sure she rests." Margaret tells Jax as she opens the door to leave.

"No worries there, Margaret. The boys won't let her out of their sight for a long time."

Tara pops out of the bathroom changed in her clothes to go home. "is she gone?"

"Yeah, said she's trying to finish things up so she can start the new job at the Center."

Tara stuffs what she had on in her bag and looks around the room again to see if she sees anything she's missed even though she didn't have much. "Good. I'm ready to leave.

Jax laughs at Tara. He walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her resting his chin on her shoulder. "I know. I want to get you out of here just as fast as I can before they decide they need to keep you and not let you go home. I'll carry you out of here if I have to. You're coming home with me whether they like it or not. You have two little boys who are busting at the seams to see you. Abel woke me up this morning bright and early; like he has been doing every morning- staring at me until I wake up. He all but pushed me out of the house to come and get you."

Jax warns. "Be prepared they planned a welcome home party for you with a chocolate cake Neeta baked for them. Neeta helped an insistent Abel hang all the pictures he's drawn since you've been gone all over the house. So you better perfect your surprise face before you get home because it will crush them if you aren't surprised and happy."

Tara frowns. "I probably won't be able to eat the cake with my stomach the way it is."

Jax kisses Tara's temple. "Do you think they really care? It's just more for them." Jax knows how excited the boys are that Mommy's coming home, but they're equally excited to have a big chocolate cake.

Tara cuts her knowing eyes at Jax. "And you."

"Yeah, and me." Jax smirks at Tara.

There's a rap on the door before a young nurse walks in with Tara's discharge papers. "Dr. Knowles the-"

"That's Dr. Knowles-Teller," Tara snapped. Jax cut his eyes at Tara.

"Dr. Knowles-Teller?" The nurse looks up for affirmation.

Tara nods.

"I have your discharge papers for you. If your vomiting continues or becomes worse come to the hospital immediately. Remember you have been very ill, and you need to take it easy and not overly exert yourself. You will have to slowly get your strength back so don't push yourself too hard. If anything abnormally should happen call your doctor or get to the hospital immediately.

"I'm a doctor, I know what to do," Tara abruptly tells the young flustered nurse.

Jax takes his eyes off the demon; his wife, and turns to the nurse. "Thank you. Is she free to go?"

"Yes, she is." The nurse all but runs from the room leaving the handsome man to take care of his bitchy wife.

Jax raises his eyebrow looking at his wife. "Was that necessary?"

"What?" Tara looks at Jax confused.

Jax takes Tara's hand and pulls her to him, he wraps his arms around her waist, and stares into her eyes. "The nurse, you were a bitch to her. The boys have missed you, and are all excited you're coming home please don't ruin it for them by being snippy."

"Snippy?"

"Alright, a bitch then. Stop being a bitch."

"If, she was reading my chart, she would have known my name- Tara Knowles-Teller, instead of listening to hospital gossip about, Dr. Tara Knowles. The hospital still recognizes me at Dr. Knowles not Dr. Knowles-Teller. I haven't been around much since we got married." Shakily she says, "No use to. I can't operate."

"I'm sorry, babe."

Tara looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath, before she looks back up, blinking the tears away she slightly nods, and drops her head against Jax's chest. Jax draws Tara in closer and she relaxes when she feels Jax's heartbeat against her cheek. Jax kisses the top of her head he knows this whole ordeal has almost destroyed his wife. He wants to get her home with him and their boys where she belongs, and where she can begin to mend and get her strength back. Jax slightly pulls away and gently tugs Tara's chin up with his finger, he smiles into Tara's glistening eyes and gives her a chaste kiss. "I think I need to get you out of here before you hurt someone. Is this bag all you have?"

"Yeah." Tara knows Jax is right. She can't go home and hurt her boy's feelings when she's just as anxious to see them as they are to see her.

Jax picks her bag up and puts an arm around Tara. "Come on let's get you home and you'll feel better," he tells Tara as he guides her down the corridor towards the exit. Tara has adamantly refused to use the mandatory wheelchair when leaving the hospital and no one is brave enough to suggest it to her again.

Tara eagerly tells her doctor and nearby nursing staff- even the one Tara just snapped at- goodbye. Tara is more than ready to put this whole awful experience behind her and get home to her babies; where she belongs. Jax is pretty sure after the last three days the nursing staff is equally as glad to get rid of Tara.

Jax settles Tara in the car and pulls out of the parking lot into traffic. Dutifully sitting in her seat Tara sighs when her head drops back against the seat's headrest. Tears invade her eyes as she rolls her head to stare out the window.

_I'm free... I'm finally fucking free. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd see life outside of the barb wire walls I was destined to be caged in. Or that I'd be able to hold my babies and watch them sleep at night. I never thought this was possible, that I could be free again._

_I thought Gemma would get away with it; she gets away with so much- but I was wrong. I hate that fucking bitch. The damage she's done to my family- her son. She almost destroyed us all. Almost... but she didn't. _

Jax squeezes Tara's hand, giving a little tug to get her attention. "What's wrong?"

Tara turns her head to Jax and can see the exhaustion on her husband's face. She can hear the pain in his voice, he's lost. Her husband is devastated, and he's doing a piss poor job hiding it from her. The first person he loved in life has turned out to be a fraud. A part of Tara's husband is dying inside, and Tara feels responsible, even though it isn't her fault. "Nothing," Tara sighs, and the lies begin.

_Nothing, everything, your mother, take your pick. Oh god, I feel so guilty, if it weren't for our love, you would still have your mother. If it weren't for your mother you would still have your father too. But you don't know that, and I can't let you find out- it will kill you. _

Jax turns his head when Tara tells him. "I need you to stop at the drug store."

Jax disbelievingly furrows his brows at Tara.

_Weren't we just at the hospital? What could you possibly need you couldn't get there?_

Boggled Jax looks over at Tara. "Now?"

Never looking at Jax, Tara nonchalantly nods. "Yes."

"Is something wrong? Do I need to take you back to the hospital?" Jax can't believe Tara needs to stop for anything right now when their boys are excited and anxiously waiting for her to get home.

"No. I'm fine." Biting her lip nervously Tara keeps her eyes glued on the road her never looking over at Jax.

"Are you okay? Tell me, Tara, what's wrong?" Jax asks concerned about her.

Tara continues to stare out the window, never making eye contact with Jax she whispers, "I need a pregnancy test."


	15. Chapter 15

Tara continues staring out the window chewing her lip too afraid to turn around and see Jax's reaction.

Jax blinks back his astonishment and abruptly turns his head to look at his wife. He stammers a second and automatically asks, "A-A what?"

Tara sighs loudly. She closes her eyes before she turns in her seat and looks Jax in the eye. "A pregnancy test," she snaps.

Jax grips the steering wheel tighter. He concentrates on controlling his breathing before he says the wrong thing, or says something the wrong way. Jax carefully asks. "Why?"

Tara almost laughs, she's sure if Jax Teller heard these words every day for the rest of his life his reaction will always be the same. Tara cocks her head to the side. "Because I'm throwing up and I'm late."

"Tara, you've been throwing up for weeks. Why didn't you say something when you were in the hospital? If you're pregnant, all you've been through at the hospital something might have hurt the baby. What if the baby has the virus you had? The drugs... the drugs they gave you could hurt the baby. It will be just like Abel." Jax shakes his head. "Why didn't say something?" Jax's voice keeps getting louder, his pitch gets higher, with each word his breathing constricts. He needs to get ahold of himself and calm down before he wrecks.

"Jax." Tara pats his hand like she does when explaining something to Abel. "I didn't think about it until two days ago when I was filling out some forms and I asked the date. I had no idea it was already the end of May. I guess with these charges looming over me, and stuck in the hospital I lost track of time. I didn't realize I'm late. And then I started putting two and two together and I got five," Tara explains.

"If you are, how far along are you?"

"Anywhere between two weeks to four and a half months." Tara smiles at Jax.

Jax looks at Tara in disbelief. "Four and a half months and you're just remembering it now?"

"Jax, I've had other things on my mind. I said anywhere from then, not necessarily that long." Tara doesn't want Jax freaking out, but she has a feeling it's close to four months, if she's pregnant, which she's pretty sure she is now.

* * *

Jax whips Tara's car into the parking lot of the closest drug store. He unlatches his seat belt and grabs the handle of the car door then turns to Tara. "What kind do you want?"

"You're going to go in the store, and buy a pregnancy test?" Tara questions and tries to picture Jax 'Panty Dropping' Teller in a drugstore buying a pregnancy test. Condoms? With pride. But a pregnancy test? Evidently, Tara doesn't know her husband as well as she thinks she does.

"Yeah. There's no way in hell I'm letting you get out of the car after the ordeal you've been through. You're not getting out and wander around the drug store. Now what kind do you want and how many?"

Tara incredulously looks at Jax with her brows furrowed. "Jax, have you ever bought a pregnancy test before?"

Jax tiredly rubs his hands over his face and through his hair. "No. But I know what they look like and I know how to read."

Tara huffs, "Okay." It isn't like she wants to go to the store in the first place. She's tired and doesn't feel good, and if Jax wants to go buy the pregnancy test then let him.

Jax looks down at Tara's stomach and notices a slight roundness. He looks up at Tara and smirks. "I know every inch of your body and that," Jax says pointing to Tara's stomach, "wasn't there two weeks ago. You're Pregnant."

"You don't know that," Tara sighs.

Confused Jax asks, "Why didn't you get this done at the hospital?"

"I didn't want word to get out while I was in custody and have the baby associated with the arrest." Tara eyes implore Jax to understand. "I didn't want to brand the baby for life and have it called a prison baby. I don't want to saddle our baby with that. If I hadn't been released I would have sent Margaret to get me one in a couple days and kept it hidden as long as I could. But now I'm out, and you're the one who's going to purchase it."

Understanding, Jax nods. "How far along do you think you are?"

"Around four months from the way I feel and how my stomach has appeared out of nowhere." Tara lets out an exhausted sigh. "At least now I won't have to hide it and have doctors poking and prodding trying to figure out why I'm sick again. I couldn't have hid it too much longer before someone found out."

Jax starts to panic. "Are you sure it didn't hurt the baby? Do you think the virus had anything to do with you being pregnant?"

"No." Tara tiredly shakes her head and breathes out slightly huffing, "No. The virus shouldn't hurt anything. But we'll get our answers soon. Depending on what the little plastic object in the box says I'll make an appointment for an exam and tests to have the baby checked out- if I'm pregnant."

Jax leans across the console. Framing Tara's face in his hands Jax stares into her beautiful eyes. "I get it, Tara. I do. And you're right. We don't want to saddle our baby with the arrest." Jax gently kisses her lips. "Now, I'm going in here and buy my wife a pregnancy test. Is there anything else you want?" Jax asks smiling at Tara. She shakes her head no.

Tara can't help but smile, as she watches Jax out her window walk across the parking lot with a new spring in his step, and his hands deep in his pockets nodding and smiling at everyone he meets. Tara knows there's so much they need to talk about. But not right now. Now's the time to be a family... all the other shit can wait until tomorrow.

* * *

Jax is in the store thirty minutes before he can decide which pregnancy test he wants to purchase. Only after he has read every box of every test checking to see what that test's accuracy rate is he decides he needs more than one kind. Jax laughs to himself, before Tara came back you would see Jax in a store buying condoms, but now Tara's back he's buying pregnancy tests. Granted, this might not be the most opportune time with all that's been going on. They're finally getting their lives back on track with their hopes and dreams they want for their family. The family, Jax thought would never happen after Tara left and went to school. Just thinking about it causes Jax's heart to swell.

With each little cardboard box Jax reads he becomes more accustomed to the idea of having another child. Another baby that's his and Tara's, a baby he can be here for every step of the way. Jax promised Tara he will be here for the next one and he's going to keep his promise and show Tara how devoted he is to her, and to their family. Jax carries his five boxes of tests up to the counter confident in his decision. Jax smiles and nods at the girl behind the counter as she rings up each purchase, then struts confidently back to the car smirking with his chest puffed out carrying his bag of pregnancy tests.

Things have been tense since Otto killed the nurse in front of Tara, and if Jax's completely honest, since Clay tried to have her killed. They need something to raise their spirits and look forward to, especially after the things Jax found out about Gemma, and the realization he's been manipulated all of his life. He's going to have to make it up to Tara, she was right about Gemma all along. Jax couldn't, or wouldn't believe Gemma; his own mother was behind framing his wife for murder along with Gemma's other lifelong manipulations. Jax never thought his mother would do this to Tara. Not someone Gemma loved like a daughter at one time. Jax knows now how selfish Gemma really is, and there's nothing Gemma wouldn't do to get her way. Jax never thought Gemma would betray him, her own son. Gemma's dead to him. Jax vows Gemma will never be able to get her claws in his family again.

Jax opens the car door and climbs in handing Tara the bag from the drug store. "How many did you get?" Tara asks him as she starts to open the bag.

"Five."

"FIVE?" Amusement ringing in her voice Tara asks, "Why five?"

Jax shrugs. "I want to make sure they're right. I don't want to wrongly get my hopes up."

Tara watches her husband closely, the dullness, and deadness in his eyes are gone from a little while ago. The shame caused by Gemma is gone. He seems lighter than he did a few days ago when his eyes implored her for forgiveness, for understanding not to leave him, or shut him out over his own mother's wrongdoings. They have a sparkle of happiness he's been missing since taking over the gavel, and Tara's glad she's the one able to give it back to him. But another child isn't the answer to their troubles. Tara knows a baby can't fix what's wrong between them, and she's worried what's going to happen to Jax when he comes to realize it too.

"You're taking the news I could be pregnant really well," Tara notes.

"You, _**are**_ pregnant, Tara. I know it." Jax states with his signature shit eating grin plastered on his face.

"You're awfully sure of yourself Teller," Tara teases.

Smiling, Jax entwines his hand with Tara's and softly rubs the back of her hand with his thumb. Jax brings their entwined hands his up to his lips raining small kisses against the back of her hand. His whiskers tickle her hand causing her to giggle. "We always planned on having more children, why not now? Now is the perfect time for us to have a baby. To get it right this time. The club is finally legit. The Women's Center is going up and it will open at the end of October. Abel's in preschool, and Thomas has just started going to playschool a couple days a week. Teller Automotive is up and running, everything is going smoothly at the Crow's Nest, and the same with our other businesses. Why not now, especially if we're going to want more?" Jax questions, "You do want more, right?"

Tara squeezes Jax's hand. "Hey, slow down."

"We talked about having more children. Have you changed your mind?"

"Yes, it is what we've talked about... But, I would prefer a chance to catch my breath before anything else happens. Things have been confusing enough for Abel and Thomas the last several months. They need all of our attention, not for it to be drawn away by Mommy being pregnant, and then a new baby." Tara doesn't want to tell Jax she had wanted to wait until their family's safe from Gemma. Not until Gemma's behind bars, will their family be safe.

"Tara." Jax kisses Tara's hand. "Everything will be fine."

"I know, Jax," Tara sighs knowing there's no use in arguing about it now.

Jax knows Tara isn't convinced now is the best time to have a baby. He wants to talk to her and put her worries to rest while they're alone, and he has her full attention, because once he gets her home the boys won't let her out of their sight. "Come one let's get out of here."

* * *

Jax stops at the park down the street from their house. "Where are we going? I thought you're in a hurry to get home?" Tara asks.

"We will in just a few minutes."

Jax gets out of the car and walks over to the passenger's side and opens the door offering his hand to Tara. Tara looks up at Jax questionably, but takes his hand and allows him to help her out of the car, and pull her into his arms. Jax leans back against the car with one arm wrapped around Tara's waist holding her close to him and tilts her face so she'll look him in the eyes. Jax brushes Tara's hair from her face.

"Talk to me, Tara. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Tara looks up and smiles at Jax.

"I don't know... When I was in the hospital being pregnant was just a thought that I could be. Now, that I'm out it's more than a possibility, it's a probability." Tara shakes her head and sighs. "I don't know. I guess all this other shit has my head spinning and I don't know what to think."

"We always talked about have more children. I thought it was our plan?" Jax asks Tara as he moves a piece of her hair and tucks it behind her ear. Jax rests his hand along the side of her face caressing her cheek lightly with his thumb, Tara leans into his touch. "It's still what we want isn't it? It's what I want. I know things aren't perfect, but this is us babe, when have we ever done anything close to perfect?"

"Yeah." She nods. "Our lives have been far from perfect. We seem to go about things the hard way and have the worse timing."

Jax softly rubs his hand up and down Tara's back to get her to relax. "We're not sixteen, Tara. We're adults, we have two children at home and we've always talked about having more."

Staring off across park Tara closes her eyes and inhales the smell of the freshly cut green grass swirling around them. "I know," Tara concedes. "But... with all the crap that's being going on in our life... I can't help but question the sanity of having another child right now."

Jax smirks and chuckles, "We've never been sane, babe."

"Yeah. I doubt my sanity on a daily basis," Tara huffs.

Like a black cloud rumbling through a storm the mood quickly changes. Jax gently lifts Tara's chin meeting her green eyes with blue, searching for the truth. _Does she not want this child?_

"Tara. There's nothing like a baby to breathe fresh air into our weary lives. It's been hard working through the mar our life had become. We need something good to celebrate, and what better than with the love of a new child?"

"A baby isn't a possession, Jax. It can't be used to clean up the repugnant debauchery caused by your club. A baby can't atone for our sins. That's a burden we have to bare ourselves," Tara bites out when her eyes start to water.

Jax is taken back by the harshness of Tara's voice. "What is it? Do you not want to carry my baby is that it? Are you planning on getting rid of it?" Fire flashes through Jax's eyes. He snarls, "That ain't happening, babe." For a brief second a hint of the monster Jax tries to contain flashes through, but Tara sees it.

_Once, yes. I would have ended it. But things were all to shit then. Corrupt feds, club traitors, a money hungry Irish gun dealer, the IRA toying with Jax keeping his son; our son away from us, giving Abel away to another family only causing them to be murdered. They weren't the only ones' to lose their life trying to save our beautiful baby. Members of SAMBEL were killed by their own club while helping to find Abel. Even SAMBEL's, lying club traitors lost their lives. The fucking murderous priest, who had more blood on his hands than he could wash off used Abel as a pawn- his death I'll never mourn. He used my son, and cost innocent people their lives, 'all for the cause.' The priest got what he deserved._

_Fuck, the Irish they've brought nothing but pain to Jax; my family. First JT... and all his bullshit with his new family destroying the hero Jax had imprinted in his heart and head. Then, Clay got in deeper with the Irish all for the love of money. Cameron kidnapping, Abel- an innocent baby- who knows what Abel thought, and how he suffered. Thank god there hasn't been any sign of any physical or physiological damage; as far as we know. _

_And Gemma? How in the hell are we supposed to have a baby with her on the loose? I'm already petrified as it is she'll try to take off with Abel and Thomas. What will she do now that we're going to have a baby? Jax wants this so bad, he'll be heartbroken, if I'm not pregnant. He thinks this is some kind of new beginning. It is. Jax's finally seeing the light where Gemma's concerned. I guess it is a new beginning for him, finally free of the ball and chain Gemma's had weighing him down, finally!_

Jax lightly turns Tara's chin until she's facing him again. "What is it, babe? Talk to me, Tara. What are you so afraid of? A baby? A little defenseless baby?"

"What kind of mother brings a child into a life like this? Is it fair for a child to be thrust into this life? We don't know if things with the club will stay like they are. We never know when this peacefulness will end. I worry about it every day."

Jax cups the side of Tara's head and pulls her to him so he can kiss her temple and hold her close to him. "It's going to be alright, Tara. We'll get through this. It's supposed to be a happy thing, something to look forward to." Jax rests his chin on Tara's head. "SAMCRO's legit, there's nothing that can land at our door. What are you afraid of? Don't you want another child? You said you did."

Tara beams with a twinkle in her eyes. "Nothing would make me happier than to be pregnant with another child of yours, Jax. To be pregnant, to have something so wonderful, precious, and loving come out of the shit we've been dredging through the past six months, is nothing short of a miracle. I'm still weak, and don't feel good physically, and mentally I'm beat. I haven't had time to process it yet. I have so much shit running through my mind already. And now a baby on top of all that, to say it's a surprise is an understatement." Tara smiles up at Jax. "So, you're really okay with this?"

"With you being pregnant?" Tara nods. "Tara, you've already given me two beautiful sons, and now we're going to have another child, this is what we've always wanted. All our dreams are finally starting to come true. It's a welcome relief from all the dirty bullshit, and betrayal that has gone on around us, a baby, is exactly what our family needs."

"What if I'm not pregnant? Will you be okay with that?"

"That just means we have to do homework," Jax smiles.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Confused Jax knits his eyebrows, if anyone should be sorry it's him.

"This. This hot and cold and needy. I want this, I don't want this. If this is a preview of how my hormones are going to be... it's going to be living hell."

"Hey, you've been through a lot. Your life has been turned upside down. There aren't words to describe what you've been through these last couple of months. By trying to help me, I let you get involved in club business. Seeing a woman brutally murdered right in front of you. Being double crossed by my mother. That's on me, Tara, all on me. Any other woman it would have broken. But you're strong. A lot stronger than you think. You're entitled to act crazy with all you've been through." Jax rests his forehead against Tara's and shuts his eyes. He knows he's lucky as hell his wife hasn't left him with all that's happened. And he'll put up with her crazy hormonal ass as long as he has to, and love every minute of it.

Jax leans in and kisses Tara in what's meant to be a small chaste kiss but quickly becomes more. Jax knits his hands in Tara's hair angling her head back. He gently nips Tara's bottom lip then runs his tongue along the crease. Tara parts her lips and their tongues dance and twine together. The kiss deepens. Jax grabs Tara's ass and brings her tight against the bulge in his pants. Tara moans and shivers when Jax groans with a familiar ache in his core. Jax has to end this before they get too carried away and end up on top of the picnic table, although it wouldn't be the first time. Tara whimpers, as Jax kisses, and sucks on the throbbing pulse in her neck then gently kisses his way down to the crook of her neck, where he gently nips her. Jax laughs, "We need to get home to our boys before they tear the house down waiting for you."

"Yeah, that sounds good." Tara nods and beams. "Let's go home."

"I love you, Tara. Never forget that." Jax runs his hand through her long dark hair. "I always have and I always will."

"I love you too." Tara gives Jax a quick kiss.

"Let's go home." Jax opens the car door and helps Tara get in. Tara's excited to get back home and be with her boys.

* * *

As the couple turn down Grant the anticipation of the impending 'test' has a smile on Jax's face. Jax and Tara are anxious to get to their sons alone and wrap their family in the cocoon of their home, where no one can bother them. But, when their house is within sight Jax's stomach drops. Anger rushes through his veins. "What the Hell?" His heart is in his throat. He speeds up, but can't get to his house fast enough.

Tara's eyes widen, her hand flies to the dash and panic fills her voice as she whips her head to the left. "JAX?!"

Jax shakes his head and grinds out through gritted teeth, "I don't know, babe."

Jax abruptly stops the car and reaches for Tara's hand. He gives it a slight tug to get her attention before she can open the car door. When Tara's fearful eyes meet his. Jax calmly tells her, "Go call Eli, get him here, now. Then find out what's happened to our boys."

"Okay," Tara answers softly before she gets out of the car and runs toward the house.

Jax jumps out the car and demands, "**WHAT THE FUCK, IS GOING ON**?"

End

Part I - Lies

Next: Part II- Betrayal- Gemma's yet to bring the ultimate betrayal to her son, and when she does- will Jax be strong enough to survive it.

A/N: Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews, and to everyone for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.

* * *

**AN: **For months now I've been staring at the original first chapter. Finally, I've decided to break it down into three chapters and take my own advice: just do it, let it go, post it.

As always, a heartfelt thank you to McIlwain.

* * *

Rated** MATURE** for a reason:** language and sex**.

**WARNING- SEXUAL CONTENT**

* * *

**.**

**Part 2 - BETRAYAL**

**.**

_BETRAYAL_

.

_a deliberate act of disloyalty- **disloyal**_

_to give information to an enemy- **traitor**_

_divulge in a breach of contract- **violation of trust**_

_._

_The worse betrayal of all is to be betrayed by a loved one - **treason**._

_._

_._

* * *

Jax charges up his driveway growing angrier and angrier as each white pristine sneaker hits the pitch black asphalt propelling him forward towards the object of his fury staring back at him.

_Today's not supposed to be like this._ Other than Neeta no one knows- or knew- Tara's being released from the hospital today. Only a select few; Juice, Chibs, and Big Bill along with Lyla, Fiona, Unser and Roosevelt and a handful of the judicial committee- including Lee Toric know Tara's been acquitted of all pending charges- she's free. The club doesn't know Jax's own mother, their previous queen, is guilty of the treacherous deed of setting her daughter-in-law up for murder.

All the people involved have been sworn to secrecy until all of the John Judge's cases can be gone over and a decision is made whether the case was legitimately tried or whether there's any question as to the validity of the charges or dropping of charges. A couple of weeks at the most. Making it almost imperative that Jax stay away from the clubhouse and the club, so questions won't be asked and answer won't be expected about what's going on with Tara.

All Jax wants to do is to wrap his arms around his family and keeping them close to him. With everything that's happened these past several weeks Jax doesn't want anyone else, near them.

If Jax would've just taken the time to look at his personal life, especially lately, he would realize how far over the edge Gemma has been teetering, then he wouldn't be surprised at Gemma's actions. A desperate Gemma is a dangerous Gemma. Gemma never gets her own hands dirty she always manages to con someone into doing it for her. Like the beat down she egged Tara into giving Carla, just because Gemma was jealous of the bitch. And now it's Otto.

As Jax stalks up his drive he wants nothing more than to wrap his long skinny fingers around their leathery neck, and squeeze their very last breath out of them. If they've hurt his sons in any way he'll kill them... gut them right here... no questions asked. He doesn't give a shit who it is. Jax yells, "What in the hell are you doing here? Where are my sons?"

Dismissively states, "They're in the house playing. I came outside to smoke. I know how you are about cigarette smoke being around the boys," Gemma says as if not wanting the boys locked up in a room inhaling the rancid smoke as it bellows from her cancer stick and lungs is the dumbest thing she's ever heard.

Jax stops in front of his mother. "You're not going in my home." Jax tries to keep his temper in check, so the whole neighborhood doesn't hear him. His boys included. If all his senses were clear Jax would point out that you don't leave a one and three year old in the house alone. "Where's Neeta? I left her with the boys." Jax is worried about their dependable and lovable nanny who would never willingly leave his sons with Gemma, especially not after the events of the last few weeks. Neeta would lay down her life for Jax's sons, the same as any member of the club, and that's what has Jax worried.

"She called me." The lie rolls off Gemma's tongue with the familiarity of a well-known friend. "She said she had to go do something, so I told her I would come and watch the boys until you got home." Gemma nods her head back at the house. "What's Tara doing here?"

Jax stares at the woman in front of him dressed in her MC old lady battle armor- button up black see through lace blouse proudly displaying his father's crow etched on her chest in black skin tight jeans with black five inch spike heeled leather knee high boots. "This is her home. These are her children. This is where she belongs," Jax answers.

"I can't believe you, Jax. After all that I've done for you? Making sure you have a place at the head of the table your father left you and Clay made for you. All I've done to make sure it's yours." Gemma had the gall to look put-out by Jax's behavior.

Jax gets in Gemma's face. So close she can feel the fire flame through his nostrils, the spit spray from his mouth. See the muscles in his jaw as they harden. Jax snarls, "What exactly have you done, Gemma? Besides back Clay in every treacherous thing he's done, and try to poison the woman I love more than life itself against me? Take her away from the boys who love her, and she loves more than anything, including me."

Jax closes his eyes and rakes his right hand through his blonde hair as he drops his head back. He massages the back of his head to try and chase away the impending headache he's sure will follow.

"Jax," Gemma pleads desperately trying to grasp his arm before he jerks it away.

"NO!" Jax explodes. "After what you've done to Tara? You can't expect me to welcome you into my home, and my life. Tara and the boys are my only family now. You're not welcomed here. We don't need your kind of love." Jax takes two steps towards the house but stops and turns around and asks Gemma, "Why did you do it? Why did you try to take Tara from me? You know how much I love her. Have always loved her. But you're too sinister to let me be happy with anything not related to the club, or doesn't revolve around you."

"The only," Jax emphasis. "The only reason Tara was in the mess with Otto to begin with was because of me and my club. Because I asked her to. She was trying to help the club. The same club you claim you would do anything for. It wasn't your ass out on a limb for the club, it was Tara's. And you couldn't help but try to use it to your advantage, not the club's, it was all about you. You're a greedy bitch, Gemma, and I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. It sure as hell would have saved me a whole lot of heartache if I had. But, now I know, and you aren't getting close to MY family. I'm not making that mistake again."

"She was going to take the boys away from us. I was doing it for us. I did it so you wouldn't have to. I know how she twists you up inside. So, I did it for you."

His head is spinning, Jax thinks he going to be sick. With the fight knocked out of him he tells Gemma quietly, "Just leave."

Gemma reaches out for Jax. "You can't mean that, baby. I'm your mother, I-"

"**NO**." Jax seethes, "I don't have a mother anymore. She's dead." Jax bends down to make sure Gemma can hear what he has to say. She mistakenly thinks he's going to kiss her on her cheek until he growls, "You need to leave. Peacefully or forcefully... I don't care." Jax turns his back on Gemma and walks away.

"JAX," Gemma yells at Jax's retreating form, leaving her standing alone in the middle of the driveway, with the deadly reaper- that adorns the well-worn leather on her son's back- staring her in the face.

Jax walks in the house never looking back- he has enough to worry about in his house than the old needy bitch outside it.

* * *

Jax closes his eyes as his hand hovers over the knob on the door separating him from his family. His head is pounding. Jax tries to make sense and wrap his mind around the pain and turmoil his mother- the same woman who nurtured him and his younger brother Thomas- has caused his family. First it was the whole ugly ordeal Gemma put Tara, and their family through, and now it's Abel and Thomas' safety. He doesn't know what the hell went wrong, and when it began to unravel. Jax knows Gemma's issues have been a long time coming. Tara called it when Gemma was driving stoned and wrecked almost killing Abel. Luckily Thomas came out unscathed. Thomas didn't have a scratch on him anywhere. Tara knew Gemma was unbalanced, she told Jax but he chose to ignore it. He was too blind- the club was all he could think of and it almost cost him his family. After Jax got his head out of his self-loathing ass, he could see Gemma's ubiquitous need to be with his sons.

The pit of his stomach has dropped to his knees, part of his body has broken out in a cold sweat, and the other part feels like it's on fire. Jax's hand starts shaking uncontrollably. He grabs the doorknob like he's taking a bull by the horns. He starts to turn the knob... his phone rings. Jax's shoulders slump as all the bravado leaves his body.

He steps back and answers his phone. "YEAH," Jax bites out. Two minutes later a more enthused. "Okay," is said before he flips his phone shut and shoves it back in his cut.

As fear rips through his body Jax throws the front door open so hard it almost slams back in his face. "**TARA**?!" Jax's voice booms through their tiny house.

"They're fine, Jax," Tara yells back to the worried husband and father.

The relief that washes over Jax as he walks into his home is inexplicable. He falls back against the front door bending over with his hands resting on his knees inhaling deep breaths trying to calm his nerves and slow his heart from racing out his chest and silence the pounding in his ears. The sound of little voices waft down the hall like a floating cloud of music - Jax doesn't think he's ever heard anything sweeter.

When he was thinking about bringing Tara home from the hospital Jax had considered the possibilities of building a wall around his house and locking the doors to keep everyone away from his family. Jax wants, no he needs, his family close to help him mend the hole his entrusted mother has left in his already damaged heart. But his fucking mother couldn't even let him have that.

Jax follows the sound of laughter down the hall. He stops in the doorway of his bedroom watching his family. He doesn't know what he would have done if Tara hadn't been cleared of the charges against her, if she would have gone to prison. Jax doesn't know if he could make it. A life without Tara is a life not worth living. Jax waited too long to get Tara back and he can't lose her again, not this way, not sacrificing herself for his freedom. What kind of man asks his wife to go into a prison and beg for his freedom? To beg a man who feels Tara's husband is responsible for his wife's murder. He didn't rat on Jax's club- the prisoner's club- instead he tried to take from Jax his most valuable possession, like the prisoner thinks Jax took from him.

The abiding love Tara has for her husband is why she jumped head first into the situation without asking any questions. She was still holding on to the illusion Jax was going to leave with her. Leave the life of danger and death for a safe life of happiness.

Growing up within the MC Jax never dreamed life could get this fucked up. The promises of brotherhood falsely preached to Jax and Opie when they were younger were all built on deceit and lies, ready to swallow them up like quicksand at any given time. Jax and Opie were never given a choice of what they wanted in life. It was all mapped out in front of them and the master architect of the blueprint is none other than Jax's own mother, Gemma Teller-Morrow. The woman who tried to make sure Jax's wife is permanently erased from the plans. Jax is hoping his wife is willing to give him one more chance because he swears on all he has he will never let anything hurt her again- not even himself.

Sensing his presence Tara looks up at him with a sad smile on her face. "I didn't know she would..." Jax starts to explain.

"I know," Tara whispers. Jax nods. With all the things that have happened in the past two weeks Tara knows that Jax wouldn't call his mother and tell her to be at the house when he brings his wife- the woman his mother tried to frame for murder- home from the hospital.

"Is everything okay in here?" Jax worries not sure anymore what his mother is capable of.

"Yeah. What about out there?" Tara asks.

"She's gone. Eli called. Neeta was at the other end of the block watching the house. She thought it would be best to just leave and go down there and watch, than Gemma become more riled up than she already was and could cause more harm to the boys." Jax explains what happened to their children's caregiver and the outlaw's troubled mother.

Tara nods and smiles up at Jax over Thomas' blonde head with tears floating in her eyes. "Everything's going to be fine," she says and nods as she inhales Thomas' sweet scent and kisses his downy head. "Yeah, everything is going to be just fine."

Tara hesitates. "Did Eli say anything about charges against her?"

Jax shakes his head. "He said they're waiting for the investigation to get tied up before they can charge anyone. They don't want anything leaking and cause any more problems than there already is," Jax sighs.

"She knows doesn't she?" Panic starts to flood through Tara as she thinks about all the people Gemma could be telling about the investigation and someone could find a loophole and she not be charged. "It's just like everything else. She just gets away with it." Tara closes her eyes and shakes her head.

Jax quickly sits on the open space on the bed next to Tara and wraps his arm around her. Tara instinctively leans into Jax and lays her head down on his shoulder. "Hey." Jax kisses the side of her head. "It's okay. Everything will be okay. They won't let that happen. She'll pay for what she's done to you. And to our family." Jax promises.

The room is quiet for a moment when Tara looks up at a somber Abel and Thomas who are quietly watching their parents. Thomas' face looks like he's getting ready to cry looking back and forth between his parents. Tara puts on a brave face and laughs at her boys and grabs them up in her arms kissing them all over their face until the boys let out a fit of giggles. "I missed my babies," Tara laughs.

"Do you feel better, Mommy?" Abel asks. Thomas nods.

"Yeah, baby, Mommy feels better." Tara kisses the top of Abel's head and Thomas' too.

"Did they give you Gatorade?" Abel asks hopefully.

Before Tara can think about her answer she tells Abel, "No baby, I didn't have Gatorade."

Abel turns and looks at his father. Abel narrows his eyes to little slits and scowls at Jax.

Tara smiles and quickly speaks up to save Jax, "But Daddy told me what you said about Gatorade. My doctor had something else for me to drink that you can only get at the hospital." Tara picks Abel up and sets him on her leg and wraps her arms around him rocking him back and forth. "But guess what?"

"What Mommy?" Abel's eyes grow with anticipation waiting for the exciting news his mother has.

"They gave me Sprite."

"Sprite? They did?" Sprite is the best part of being sick.

"Yes, they did. Thank you for looking out for me." Abel kisses Tara cheek. The megawatt smile on Tara's face warms Jax's heart. Every day he doesn't think he can love her any more than the day before. But, when Tara smiles at him, or when he sees her with the boys his heart grows and he knows he's wrong- he loves her more today than yesterday.

Thomas walks over to Jax and starts climbing up his leg. Jax picks him up and sets him in his lap wrapping his arm around Thomas so he won't fall backwards. "Are you coming to hang out with me?" Jax asks the little boy in his lap.

Thomas nods. "Uh huh." He lays his head against Jax's chest. Jax bounces his leg a couple of times to get a reaction out of Thomas. Jax doesn't like for Thomas to be this quiet it makes him think there is something wrong. Finally, Thomas looks up at Jax and smiles. Jax starts blowing air in Thomas' face and the toddler reaches up and pats the sides of Jax's cheeks when Jax holds his breath making him look like a blow fish. Then Thomas does it again, and again. Thomas starts laughing causing Abel and Tara to laugh with him.

Abel sees the fun and crawls over to join in the game until Jax says, "Okay, okay that's enough."

"Mommy?" Abel asks.

Tara turns her attention to Abel, "What baby?"

"Will you and Daddy come watch us play in my room?" Abel pleads.

"Sure, little man." Jax nods ruffling Abel's hair.

Thomas squirms out of Jax's lap and picks up Tara's hand and pulls it. "Mommy, c'mon."

Tara laughs when Jax stands up grabbing a boy in each arm lifting them up towards the ceiling causing both little boys to start laughing hysterically until their face turns red. "Jax, be careful," Tara scolds. Jax looks at her and smiles as he tucks the boys under his arms like footballs and carries them down the hall to Abel's room. The last two weeks temporarily forgotten as Tara follows her boys, big and small, down the hall laughing.

Abel pats the bed in his room. "You sit here and watch." Commanding their attention to the trucks, cars, and motorcycles lying on the carpet ready to be played with. The little vehicles zoom to life as Jax and Tara watch their sons play with their toys on the floor.

Tara obediently sits on the bed but Jax pulls her back to him when he lies down. Jax wraps his arm around her waist holding Tara tight with her back flush against his chest. Jax brushes her hair from her eyes as he whispers in her ear, "We missed you."


	17. Chapter 17

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.

* * *

**AN: **Through the wonderful world of fanfiction, I have met some wonderful people from all around the world, that I never envisioned possible. People I consider friends, some I converse with daily. Three of these wonderful people - cinbur, Petersgirl2011, and JaraSoa2008 have been my rock pulling me through the past six months. There aren't enough words that can express my eternal gratitude. They, along with other authors and readers who have lent their support - thank you.

As always, my heartfelt thank you to McIlwain.

* * *

Rated** MATURE** for a reason:** language and sexual content**.

* * *

Tara angles her face back until she can see Jax's mesmerizing blue eyes. The same eyes that just one look from made her want to drop her panties in the middle of Charming High School halls. The same blue that jump with mischief in Abel and Thomas' eyes. Oh God, she has missed those eyes that can see right through her heart and soul- when she lets him. "I missed you too," Tara tells Jax with a heated look. Jax pulls her closer to him, as close as he can get without hurting her.

Lying on the bed with Tara like this is what Jax has wanted and has been missing for the past three weeks, and now that she's here he doesn't want to ever let her go, and dares anyone to try and take her away from him again. Jax softly and ever so lightly kisses her ear causing her to slant her head a little to the side to allow him easier access to her neck. Continuing down her neck from nibbling on her earlobe Jax takes his time enjoying the goosebumps rising as he makes his way farther south. Resting his lips on the top of her shoulder where her neck ends Jax sucks tiny kisses along her...

"Look at us, Mommy," Abel chants when he sees his parents aren't paying any attention to him and Thomas play with their cars on Jax's old Hot Wheels City.

Tara turns her attention back to her boys playing in the floor when she tells Jax, "I can't believe you still have that old thing."

Jax laughs in her ear, "Why wouldn't I? Opie and I played with it all the time."

Tara laughs and shakes her head, "Precisely. I'm surprised it isn't torn into pieces the way you and Opie crashed your cars all over in and ran them up and down the ramp." Tara reminisces back to the days where their only worry was what Hot Wheels will be their next purchase with the money they have saved and pooled together.

"Well, it does have a little duct tape reinforcing one of the legs," Jax admits. Tara laughs at Jax. He's still a boy at heart.

Abel and Thomas' attention is drawn back to their toys ignoring their parents lying close by giving Jax the perfect opportunity to tell Tara how he feels.

"You and the boys; my family, is what makes me whole. Nothing else. Not the club, Gemma, Charming, or anything else. My family, is what's the most important thing in my life." Jax passionately tells Tara his eyes implore her to understand and believe it's true that Tara and the boys are his life, his heart, and everything in between.

There was a time not long ago, before Jax turned the club around, Tara would blindly and foolishly start dreaming about escaping the perils that rest inside and around Charming and the club. Now, she knows that Charming is integrated in both, her and Jax's life and blood that leaving was never, not really, an option. It was just a romanticized notion that she's had since she first started dating Jax wanting to get him away from Charming, the club, and most of all Gemma. Tara selfishly wanted Jax all to herself. Once Tara realized and accepted the truth she started making her permanent roots in Charming.

Tara lay quietly in Jax's arms listening to Abel and Thomas in the background playing contently with their toys. The steady thumping of Jax's heart beating in her ear as she roots closer to Jax as he runs his fingers through her long thick chocolate hair. Brushing the hair back off her face Jax raises up and kisses her forehead. Jax closes his eyes while his lips linger he takes a moment to relax and enjoy his wife in his arms. Jax slowly and lightly kisses down Tara's neck and back up taking his time enjoying her soft skin on his lips. Tara tilts her head back. Jax's lips move to her ear. He lightly nips at her lobe before he growls lowly in her ear not to attract the attention of the small boys happily playing knowing their parents are close by.

The softness of Jax's lips and the warmth of his breath causes Tara to shiver. She's missed this. Lying in her husband's arms with her children safely nearby nothing else matters but them. The vibration of his voice sends chills down Tara's spine and goosebumps up her arms. "I've missed you so fucking much." Jax whispers against her neck as flicks his tongue across the rapid pulsating beat. Jax is lost in the sensation of his hot mouth on Tara's cool neck and he draws her soft porcelain skin between his teeth and sucks carefully not to hurt her. Jax has been marking Tara as his since he was 16 and doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon. To take away the pain Jax kisses Tara's sure to bruise skin and slowly creeps down to his favorite part of Tara's body. The familiar waft of his favorite body wash lingers on her skin causing all kinds of sensations unsuitable to have in the presences of two little boys.. No matter what the day held, the trials and tribulations of the the club, of life, when he lays his head in his haven his world becomes right again.

Jax will have to remember to thank Margaret for the gift basket she gave to Tara in the hospital with all her favorite scents. As soon as Tara was moved to a private room the first thing she wanted was her shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, and bathing supplies. She said she felt dirty. She wanted the wash the hospital out of her skin when Jax knows she meant to wash away the horrible nightmare she had to endure just because she loves Jax. It didn't have shit to do with the club, it was just and excuse that Gemma used. Lie, Lie, Lie that's all Gemma has done Jax's whole life. His whole life was built on a lie only benefiting Gemma and her needs and wants. No more. Never again. He will never believe a thing that comes out of Gemma Teller-Morrow's mouth.

Tara blocks out all thoughts of how close she came to never having this- their special moment- again, and can only think how incredibly lucky she is to know this kind of love. At one time in her life Tara had resigned she would never have love like she has with Jax in her life again. She accepted that. Because she was doing something she loved to do, and was being rewarded everyday by watching others' love, and making their dreams come true by saving their child.

The rev of a motorcycle breaks through Tara's daydreams. "That's what a Harley sounds like Thomas," Abel lectures his younger brother.

"Voom voom," Thomas roars as his own Harley fires to life.

"No, Thomas. It's burrrrooomm buddenbuddenbudden." Abel corrects his younger brother.

Jax looks on amused. Taking pity on Abel, Jax remembers the first time his little brother did something his own way, not Jax's. "That's alright, little man, he has different tail pipes," Jax laughs.

Abel looks at his younger brother. "It's alright Tommy you have different tail pipes," Abel explains to his little brother as he's father explained to him.

"Come on, Tommy let's race! Wanna race, Tommy?" Abel asks his younger brother.

Thomas nods and crawls over to the make believe starting line with his favorite blue Harley Happy gave him for his birthday. The one he never lets out of his sight even sleeping with it on occasion.

Sitting at the starting line Abel starts to count, "One...Two..."

"Voom, voom..." Thomas yells as he takes off crawling on his hands and knees pushing his little motorcycle across the carpet to the other end of the room leaving Abel wide eyed and mouth agape back at the starting line. Abel is shocked. He can't believe it. His little brother always does what he says.

"No, Tommy! That's not right! That's not how you do it!" Abel turns to Jax. "Daddy, that's not how you do it! He cheated!" Abel whines as he crosses his arms and plops them down loudly on his chest emphasizing just how unhappy he is.

"He's just a baby, Abel." Jax tells Abel to explain why the devilishly smiling baby on the other end of the room cheated. Abel is a good and patient big brother, except when his little brother cheats… on purpose.

"So." Abel complains, "He knows."

Even if Jax hadn't been the one to teach the boys how to play 'race,' and he hadn't played 'race' every day for the past two weeks with the boys, the smug look on Thomas' face confirms he cheated. And Thomas knows he cheated, and doesn't seem to give a shit about it either. As a matter of fact he seems pretty proud of himself sitting down at the other end of the 'track' smiling back at everyone.

Jax and Tara try their damnedest not to show any sort of emotion- smile, laugh or encouragement- for Thomas' stunt but it's hard to not give in to the little shit.

Abel is very much like Tara. He's sensitive, smart, and he tries to follow the rules, but he's still his father's son and messes up from time to time. But Thomas? He's pure Jax through and through. Both of Jax's sons are beautiful boys, and look just like their father with his sparkling blue eyes, and Thomas is already starting using his inherited charm to his advantage.

Finally, it's too much for Jax. He has to hide his face in Tara's hair to stifle his laugh and so the boys can't see his smile. Jax gets lost in the silky strands and all thoughts of his sons are soon forgotten. Jax relishes in the sweet smell of his wife he will never take for granted again. A moan escapes Tara's lips when Jax's mustache brushes against her ear while Jax whispers professing his undying love to the woman lying in his arms.

Jax wraps his arm around Tara and holds her as close to him as he can. He rests his chin on her shoulder bringing her hand to his lips Jax closes his eyes and slowly kisses and savors the sweetness of each of the small soft digits his lips touch. It still amazes Jax that the little hand in his is responsible for saving his; their son's life. He'll never be able to show her just how much it means to him that Tara wanted to help his son. Now that he has her back in his arms where she belongs Jax doesn't want to ever let Tara go because he and the boys need her and can't live without her.

Tara starts to pull away from Jax. "I need to..." Tara doesn't get a chance to finish what she's saying when Jax's arms tightened around her.

He whispers in her ear, "Stay. Don't go. Just stay in here with us, there's nothing you have to go do.

Tara laughs, "What if I have to pee?"

"It doesn't matter." Tara twists back until she can see Jax's face questioning him. Jax shakes his head and whispers. "It wouldn't be the first time this bed has been pissed in. Good thing it's covered in rubber."

"Jax! That's gross," Tara scolds and hits his shoulder like she's swatting a fly.

Jax laughs, "It's true. Abel's had a few accidents in here and hell Thomas wet the bed that night he slept with Abel and Abel woke up crying because he was covered in piss, and it wasn't his."

"Jax. You're awful. You don't laugh and make fun of things that are embarrassing to our sons."

Jax laughs harder and looks at Thomas still gloating about his win over Abel when Abel's not watching. "See?" Tara states, "Even Thomas knows when to not embarrass Abel."

"Bullshit! He's just waiting for the right time." Jax laughs against her lips. Taking advantage of her staring in his face. Jax kisses Tara and doesn't stop kissing her letting his lips linger at the pace he sets. When Tara moans deep in her throat Jax smirks against her lips.

"What's gross Mommy? I want to see?" Abel's interest is piqued as he interrupts his parents special moment.

"Your father's gross," Tara scolds.

Abel looks Jax up and down eyeing him suspiciously. "He doesn't look gross to me."

Jax busts out laughing and reaches over Tara and tickles Abel's stomach. "You little monster." Abel throws his head back and squeals until he falls face first against the bed trying to stop Jax from tickling his stomach.

Thomas gets up and comes to the bed holding his shirt up sticking his belly out tapping his finger against towards Jax. "Me!"

Thomas' small voice, "Mommy, hol' me." Thomas raises his small arms up to Tara for her to lift him up. Tara starts to move to lift Thomas but Jax wraps his arm around her to still her and keep her in place as he reaches over her and pulls Thomas up on the bed by the seat of his pants. Thomas snuggles his back up against Tara, like Tara's is to Jax, and he lays his head down on Tara's arm. Tara smiles down at Thomas and kisses his chubby little cheek as she runs her fingers through his soft blond tuft. When Thomas' eyes become laden he sticks his thumb in his mouth and hooks his thumb over his nose.

Shocked Tara looks back at Jax. "When did he start this?"

"Thomas and I had a late night due to the Brown's German Shepherd last week." Jax explains.

"Yeah, we've had those nights too." Tara understands precisely what Jax went through.

"Why didn't you say something?" Jax asks Tara. "You've never said anything about the dog. I would have taken care of it if you'd told me. Thomas is terrified of that dog or was terrified."

Tara looks over at Abel playing in the floor in his own little world of cars and trucks. "What did you do, Jax?" Tara asks accusingly as she turns her head to look at the man lying behind her.

"I didn't do anything to him. I hear he's gone off to a doggie ranch and he won't be bothering us again," Jax tells Tara as he watches Abel playing. "How long has that dog been bothering you?" Jax raises up on his elbow to look down on Tara's face.

"I don't know. He was a puppy and then he grew up, so it was gradual but it had gotten to be quite a bit lately. I think he was abused or being harassed at night, something was off. There were a couple of times I think there really was something out there. He just became skittish and barked at everything and anything that moved."

Jax's dismissal of the dog barking to no end now has him questioning what the dog's actual intentions really were. "Did you ever see anything?"

"No." Tara shakes her head. "There were nights I would become unnerved by all the barking and think I heard something, but realized it was just the wind and limbs moving."

"Why didn't you wake me?" Jax questions Tara.

"I don't know. I don't think you were here, or else I wouldn't pay any attention to it. Why?" Tara doesn't understand what's with all the questions about a dog that is evidently gone on a permanent vacation never to bother them again.

"I just wondered, that's all." Jax doesn't want to draw attention to something he can't prove, or cause his wife to worry, but he's going to look at the howling dog next door from a different angle. He doesn't like to think of the possibilities someone was outside snooping around his home when his wife and children were home alone. Although, he was the one home the last time the dog woke them up. Maybe he's just being paranoid and the dog just gets spooked easily. Now he's glad that he didn't have the neighbor's German Shepherd killed. Now, just relocated to a place he won't be harassed anymore.

Tara changes the subject away from the dog. "I've been seriously thinking about weaning Thomas from the bottle but with everything that's been happening I think I'll wait for just a little longer. I don't want it to me a horrific experience for him. Especially now that he's sucking his thumb. I'll tackle one issue at a time. The thumb first, then the bottle or the bottle first and then the thumb. I don't know which would be the best." With all the time Tara has had on her hands all she did was think- about everything. Tara worries all the time about doing the right things and getting them right. She secretly worries what will happen when Gemma isn't around looking over her shoulder anymore to make sure everything is done right. Tara's mother wasn't around when she was growing up and the only guidance she had was what she read in books growing up, and what little her and Donna pieced together. Then later in her teenage years she had some guidance from Gemma on days Gemma felt like being nice to Tara, which weren't many.

Tara has more on her mind than Thomas' bottle. She doesn't want to admit it to Jax but she's scared. She's physically afraid of what Gemma could do to her, she's already had two major run ins with Gemma at the hospital she can't afford to have anymore. Not physically or emotionally.

Jax smiles. "Tara, quit worrying about it. It will work out. Just give him time to settle into having you home and getting our lives back in order and then you can worry about his thumb and his bottle. What did you do with Abel?" Jax was in prison and has no idea what Tara did with these little mundane, but important things the boys do.

"I was so worried about Abel." Tara admits. "I didn't know what to expect since he was premature. Once the babies leave the hospital the only contact I have with them is when they come in for checkups so I didn't know."

Jax smiles at his wife as she gets her dreamy proud mother look on her face. Jax asks her, "So, what did you do?"

"Abel did it. I didn't do anything. He decided when he was ready and he just threw his bottle in the trash one day. All of us had been working with him using his sippy cup and made such a big deal about it and one day he just walked up to the trash and threw it away. But I wouldn't put it past Piney to have bribed him in some way," Tara explains to Jax.

Jax smiles not doubting for a minute Piney tried to bribe Abel into doing something- especially if Abel was crying. "Well, that's what we'll do. We'll follow his lead. See where he takes us and then go from there."

Tara pulls away slightly. "Jax. We've never talked about the times you were locked up after I left."

Confusion peppers Jax's handsome face. "What about it?" Jax asks confused he doesn't understand why she wants to talk about time he spent behind bars particularly when she was away at school. He sure as hell doesn't, not now. Not when they're lying in each other's arms and their boys playing beside them.

"When was the first time you were locked up and what for?" Tara asks Jax.

"Come here." Jax turns Tara around where she's facing him. She moves Thomas off her arm before she turns. He lifts her chin with his forefinger until she's looking him in the eye. "Tara, what is it? You don't have to worry. You're not going back to jail, for anything." Of course she's worried. She just got out of protective custody. That's all he thought about when he finished pulling his fourteen months. When he was younger, and didn't have anyone on the outside depending on him, and in a hurry to get to he never thought about it. But now that he has a family, it was Tara and the boys, the boys and Tara constantly. it's all he wanted; all he thought about. Then when he was out it was constantly worrying about having to leave his family again and going back inside. Jax would jerk awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat gasping for air with just the thought of the metal door locking behind him.

Jax was serious when he asked Tara to marry him, he wanted to move away, but he arrogantly thought he could make quick cash and turn around and leave. If he wasn't so blinded and by the fear of losing his family then he would have seen how stupid it was to put his future in Clay's hands. Turning to Clay Morrow for guidance was ignorant. Jax has made some major fuckups since Tara has returned to Charming, but the worst is when he sent her into that prison to do his bidding; his and the club's.

"No one is ever going to slap cuffs on your wrists again." Jax says, as he runs his thumb over the big jagged scar on Tara's delicate wrist before he brings it to his lips and gently kisses her wrist. Jax shakes his head, as the day the scar that marred Tara's dainty arm runs rampant through his mind. Tara's call for help, her being pulled into the van, the door slamming shut, her blood curdling scream he'll never forget.

"You don't know that." The sound of Tara's voice snaps Jax back to the present. "How many times have you been locked up?" The worry on her face leaves a putrid taste in Jax's mouth.

Choosing not to answer her question Jax tells her. "I know that I will do anything." Jax emphasizes, "Anything. I don't care what it is. You will never, see the inside of another cell. I'll give up my freedom, the club's, mine and the club's. I don't care, I'll do it. I'll give my life if I have to. You will never be behind bars again."

"Jax." Tara cups Jax's face in her hands and kisses his lips sweetly. "I love you."

Jax smiles at Tara. "I love you too, babe. I turned a blind eye and it almost ruined our family and I won't be caught off guard again."

"It did ruin your family." Jax looks at Tara and furrows his brows not understanding as fear starts racing through his body. "Your mother." That's all Tara has to say.

"No babe, not my important family. The only family that matters." Jax whispers in her ear.

"Don't make promises you can't keep Jax."

I'm not." Jax assures Tara. "I'm making a promise I will keep."

Tara turns back around in Jax's arms and he wraps his arms around her pulling her tighter against him, Holding on to Jax's arms Tara closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind of all the thoughts of what could possibly go wrong. She wants to believe Jax. Believe that it could be that simple. She wonders what she would do, how far she would go to keep from being locked up again.

"Mommy." Abel pats Tara's leg to get her attention. "Daddy and Thomas played the under the crib game. Daddy didn't know how to play. I had to tell him." Abel happily tells his mother beaming widely that he was the one to teach his father something.

"You did?" Tara asks Abel and his smile widens nodding his head.

"Yes. I did," Abel declares with a final big nod.

Tara kisses Abel's cheek. Then she places soft kisses on Thomas' sleeping head as she inhales all the different scents that make Thomas. When Tara was in the hospital she craved the unique scent of her sons. The first two weeks she was there, sometimes she thought she would go mad thinking she would never be able to smell the sweet aroma again.

"And we played put things in the air," Abel proudly tells Tara. Tara looks at Jax for an explanation.

Jax smiles at his son. Then looks at Tara and explains, "We went out in the garage and I lifted weights. I gave the boys empty water bottles to lift."

Tara laughs at the thought of it, imagining what her sons, and husband looked like. Again Tara has to stop the urge to go down the path of depression and dwell on what could have happened. She knows it will take her a little while to be able to get back in the mainstream and catch up with all that has been going on around them with their business and personal endeavors while she was in the hospital. Time that's what she has now, and not the time that she has no control over. It's time to put on her big girl panties and suck it up and be grateful she has people who care enough about her to fight tooth and nail to get her released. Yes, that's what she's going to do concentrate on the people who love her and not dwell on the people who don't.

She's going to try.

Thomas stretches and wakes up from his mini nap smiling up at his mother and in a good mood much to the relief of Jax and Tara. It's special day, a day for celebration. Abel and Thomas planned with Jax a homecoming with chocolate cake and steak for getting out of the hospital. Also, for Tara being able to be with her family again without any restrictions between her and her family.

"You know, I never realized it before just how much the boys play with car and trucks," Jax commented.

"It's just because we are in here with them. If we weren't in here then they would be watching TV and drawing." Tara smiles at Jax. "It's good to have you here with us. Spending quality time with the boys."

"This is where I should have been all along," Jax says sadly.

"Hey." Tara shakes Jax's arm and tells him, "You're here now and that's what counts."

"No. You're here, that's what counts," Jax tells Tara honestly.

* * *

An hour passes when Abel gets up from the floor. He announces, "I'm thirsty. Can I get something to drink?"

Before Tara can correct Abel Jax jumps in. "What do you say Abel?"

Abel studies his parents faces while he thinks about it then a small proud smile spreads across his face. "May I have something to drink... Please? Thomas nods his head."

Tara smiles. "Okay, Abel. Get a juice box for you and one for Thomas too, please."

Abel quickly gets up and leaves his room making sure he doesn't run, because he knows he's not supposed to run in the house. But, as soon as he gets to his door and turns into the hallway he takes off running for the kitchen picking up speed as he goes, so he can slide on the slick kitchen floor in his socks. It's the closes thing he can think of that's like skating on ice like he's seen on TV that looks like so much fun.

Jax and Tara cuddle together listening to Abel's little feet pick up speed running down the hall knowing full well what he had planned on doing. They hear him hit the table and Tara cringes. This is why there's a 'no running in the house' rule to begin with. They can tell he recovers quickly when they hear a chair scoot across the floor so he can climb up on the counter and get a glass for what they assume is milk - although he is supposed to be getting juice boxes. Not a glass of milk to spill all over the table. And floor. They can hear the noise of the cabinet door as it opens. Next a soft clink of a glass being set down on the countertop and an all familiar creak as he closes the cabinet door. Followed by the slightest scrape of his chair as he climbs back down and lastly a distinctive little thud as he jumps down from the chair onto the floor. Tara blows out the breath she's holding. She knows people think she's overprotective, but when you are a surgeon, a pediatric surgeon at that, and to see what she has, you wouldn't let your child walk unless they're wrapped in bubble wrap.

It always worries Tara when the boys fight for their independence. She's afraid they are going to get hurt, and Jax always thinks it's cute how she worries but secretly he worries about his sons just as much as Tara does, if not more. Jax's all too familiar with the adventures little boys want and that's not what bothers him. It's how the adventurism grows with the boys as they get older leaving them seeking, always wanting more, and it's where that leads them that worries Jax.

Jax doesn't want the interests that he and Opie had when they were growing up to be the same interests his sons have, not all of them. Jax knows how it is to grow up being tricked and dared into a livelihood young boys have no business in. Every father worries about their sons and how they are going to make the transition from a boy to a man. Jax wants his sons to stay as young and energetic, healthy as long as they can. To continue to learn things physically and from a book. There will be times that the boys will want to hang with Jax and the guys, but Jax and Tara are going to limit, and monitor those times keeping them in the family clubhouse.

Jax knows what it is to grow up around people who truly love him and watch over him giving him the freedom to explore within the realms of the club. He doesn't feel he missed out on any of his wildness because it was allowed. He Opie could play all day and night if they wanted too. They didn't want to be away from the clubhouse or club. What red blooded American boy would want to be away from half naked women and a family who openly let you start drinking at age thirteen and sex as an early teen. Not to mention an unlimited supply of reefer.

Jax knows he was still an overgrown child not that long ago. Not until Tara came back did Jax start growing up; emotionally. If not for Abel and Tara, Jax would be off or getting off with a crow eater right now. Or dead. But things aren't like that anymore and he likes it like this.

Quietly Jax and Tara lie on the bed watching Thomas scoot his motorcycle across the floor playing in his own little head oblivious to his parents watching him.

The unmistakable sound of the Teller's front door opening echos down the hall into Abel's room sucking all the air out of it. Everything stills. Thomas looks up at his parents.

Everything stills. "I forgot to lock the door," Jax quietly confesses.

Tara looks back at Jax. Their hearts beat faster. Fear curses through their veins as they breathlessly whisper, "Abel."

* * *

**A/N- If you haven't seen them yet, there are some wonderful pictures of Maggie Siff with Paul Giamatti in photoshoots for several magazines. Google them they won't be hard to miss, Maggie is beautiful in them.**


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